communication
I need some input please. I have Asperger's. I am hypersensory and I can read people well and I can usually maintain talk...I learned over the years to work hard at making myself understood...which means I like to discuss, to communicate openly...especially if I perceive a problem...so that my actions are understood. But I get worn out by continually having to explain myself...my feelings, my actions...so that they are not misunderstood...and what really hurts is when someone I thought cared about me, informs me that my actions are not liked and it is not worth discussing...there is a particular person I am thinking of as I write this...he too, has Asperger's...so with him I am trying doubly hard to make sure he understands why I feel the way I do which is what is behind an action...in the end, he dismisses me as not worth the time to discuss anything and then to literally say good-bye and wish you well...leaving me feeling like crap and scratching my head...so let the input begin please.
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The world is afflicted by death and decay. But the wise do not grieve, having realized the nature of the world.” The Buddha
I'm not sure I fully understand what you're asking, but I'll have a go.
What exactly do you mean by "actions are not liked"? What kind of actions? Are they not worth discussing because they're not liked, or despite not being liked?
And if he dismisses you as not worth his time, why don't you do the same to him? Why don't you ask him what he finds wrong with your actions and feelings?
It sounds to me that this guy is the one with the problem, not you. You can find someone else to talk to, someone who's willing to listen to you.
PS. sorry if I said something stupid. I'm relatively new at this.
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"They sound good in my brain, then my tongue makes not the words sound very good, formally." - Homer Simpson
Undisgnosed - Aspie score: 122 of 200 - NT score: 105 of 200
ImAnAspie
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Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
Input... I also have Asperger's but I don't give a crap much about other people so my advice of 'Wipe them off' might not be what you want to hear but people are scum. Really! You're much better off without them. Wipe him! Forget about him!
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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
People get really irritated by that hyperexplaining thing. After you've already done something to annoy them, they are not then obliged to undergo further annoyance by listening to you explain every little nuance of feeling and logic that made you behave in such a manner. When somebody wants to drop the matter or leave the discussion you must honor that (if you wish to remain friends.) Apologies should be kept brief and with as little self-justification as possible or they will not be taken as apologies, but rather excuses.
ImAnAspie
Veteran
Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
People get really irritated by that hyperexplaining thing. After you've already done something to annoy them, they are not then obliged to undergo further annoyance by listening to you explain every little nuance of feeling and logic that made you behave in such a manner. When somebody wants to drop the matter or leave the discussion you must honor that (if you wish to remain friends.) Apologies should be kept brief and with as little self-justification as possible or they will not be taken as apologies, but rather excuses.
Well, it sounds like you've learned a thing or two from you sojourn stay on this rock!
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
Campin_Cat
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Joined: 6 May 2014
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 25,953
Location: Baltimore, Maryland, U.S.A.
Well..... Okay..... TWO things came to my mind, when I read your post..... First-off, maybe you are MISinterpreting the way people are reacting to you. Maybe, when you THINK people are not understanding you, it's really that they don't give a crap about what you're saying, and you're BORING them, to DEATH!! (I know you're not meaning to.) Secondly, maybe it's not THEM that's misunderstanding what you're saying, maybe it's YOU. I used to do this, ALL-the-time, when I was younger, until I figured-out what I'm telling YOU. I figured-out that I wasn't getting the words / ideas to come-out of my mouth, the way they were so neatly arranged in my HEAD. I ALSO figured-out that I wasn't giving people enough credit----like, for instance, I was, sort-of, assuming that people were either beneath me in intelligence, or were beneath me, in comprehension. When I stopped being so full of myself (and, at the same time, so insecure), stopped to listen to OTHER people and LEARNING things, I stopped explaining myself, all-the-time.
