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Transhuman
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10 Sep 2011, 10:08 am

What am I supposed to do when walking past people? It feels very awkward, and especially the fact that I don't know what to do when walking past them. Where do I look? What else am I supposed to do?

The fewer people there are walking past me, the more awkward it gets, since people would focus on me more if there are less other people.



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10 Sep 2011, 10:14 am

I believe the accepted method is a quick glance-and-smile. (However, I think some places expect you to not acknowledge them, like in the city.) I wear sunshades so that the people won't know that I'm not looking at them when I smile as I pass.



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10 Sep 2011, 10:17 am

Transhuman wrote:
What am I supposed to do when walking past people? It feels very awkward, and especially the fact that I don't know what to do when walking past them. Where do I look? What else am I supposed to do?

The fewer people there are walking past me, the more awkward it gets, since people would focus on me more if there are less other people.

1. Walk
2. Look wherever you want
3. Pass people
4. Repeat as needed


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Joe90
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10 Sep 2011, 10:19 am

This is exactly the same problem I have! I don't like strangers looking me (it's actually become an obsessive phobia), so I don't look at them, but getting myself into a habit of avoiding eye contact isn't such a great idea. By doing this, I tend to walk straight past people who I know, which (although I don't like calling Aspie habits 100 percent unique) isn't usual, since most people do generally actually see others they know and not walk straight past them. So it makes me look unfriendly and I have to keep explaining myself. So this is what happens when you don't look at people. I suppose it explains the reason why people look at me - it's so that they can see who you are and if they know you or not.

But I still find it awkward walking past people without looking at them. It's OK when you subconsciously look at people (which I used to do before I had this annoying phobia), because then there is no awkwardness. But when you're thinking about it too much, obviously it is not subconscious to you, so it makes you feel more awkward. I squeeze my fingers together when I walk past people, my eyes go all over the place because I don't want to stare at them but I don't want to look away either (although that's what I do), and my body even goes stiff. Maybe this happens to other people too, I don't know, I'm not them, but all I know is that it happens to me and it makes me feel so awkward. Sometimes you may get a hello when you look up at people, but other times you might get a glare from the other person because maybe they don't like being looked at. Oohhh, it's a vicious circle when you're trapped in this kind of anxiety. Unfortunately I can't offer any advice, but maybe others will on this thread. I just wanted to write how I feel about this too.


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Ann2011
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10 Sep 2011, 10:41 am

I find this awkward too. My instinct is to stare at them to see what they do, but then I'm staring at them which isn't good.



Fnord
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10 Sep 2011, 10:46 am

It's not so much the walking past people without knowing where to look, but the anxiety over it that seems to be at issue here.

Focus on eliminating the anxiety, rather than on feeding the anxiety by focusing on walking past people without knowing where to look.


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Messysuzie
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10 Sep 2011, 10:48 am

I have several things to say about this matter
1. Anxiety is a chemical process in the brain that is effectively treated with meds, so if u aren't taking anti anxiety meds, I would recommend getting some relief that way.

2. Of course, meds aren't the complete answer. But it will give u some relief.

3. There is the social phenomenon known as "civil inattention". It means that on a crowded street it is okay to look ahead and politely ignore people. The more crowded the street the more this phenomenon comes into play.

4. On a less crowded street u can still ignore with "civil inattention". But when only one person is approaching u, that is a whole different dynamic. You can still ignore, but it is more polite to make brief eye contact and a little smile or nod...

5. One idea I read on this forum lately was really helpful: imagine ur mind has two tracks. On on of these tracks u are calm, in control n feeling good. On the other, things are challenging and u r anxious. At these times, try switching to the calm track. It's a mental model that helps some people.

6. Some functional avoidance strategies to use when u feel the need: wear sunglasses, you can practice looking at people and observing human behavior to learn how other people handle it; glance at ur watch ( for time) or phone ( for time or messages) to give you a replacement behavior n help u feel calm; look in store windows as u pass.

Does this help at all?



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10 Sep 2011, 11:15 am

I tend to ignore people, sometimes try to force a smile if our eyes meet. Yes, it is awkward!


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10 Sep 2011, 12:54 pm

I just walk past them and ignore them.



DerStadtschutz
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10 Sep 2011, 1:23 pm

Yeah, I dunno, I just usually walk past them and ignore them unless I know them, in which case, depending on who it is, I'll at least say hello. if it's a good friend or I have someone i feel i need to tell them, I'll have an actual conversation. But most of the time I just ignore them. I feel really awkward about random conversations with random people. If I do talk to random people, they usually initiate the conversation because I don't talk a whole lot in public unless I'm around someone I feel really comfortable with. Oddly enough, when I was a kid, you couldn't shut me up. And still today, depending on who I'm talking to or what it's about, you can't get me to shut up either. But starting the conversation can sometimes be fairly difficult.



Ann2011
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10 Sep 2011, 1:53 pm

Fnord wrote:
Focus on eliminating the anxiety, rather than on feeding the anxiety by focusing on walking past people without knowing where to look.


How do you eliminate the anxiety? I'm thinking, maybe if I try to distract myself with my own thoughts, perhaps I would become unaware of people I pass.



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10 Sep 2011, 3:07 pm

I look past them as they approach, or at the ground.

Anything else and my brain explodes with a million thoughts about whether I'm looking at the right place, whether I should make eye contact, what my face is expressing to them etc and it becomes overwhelming.

Because I'm looking past them or at the ground, it means I often don't recognise people I know as they approach. I don't worry about this. If they want me to acknowledge them or talk to them they'll usually say my name to get my attention.


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10 Sep 2011, 4:52 pm

I flick my eyes toward their face for a second to see if they are friend or foe, then go back to looking where I was going.



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10 Sep 2011, 4:55 pm

Don't leave your house.


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10 Sep 2011, 6:16 pm

Transhuman wrote:
What am I supposed to do when walking past people? It feels very awkward, and especially the fact that I don't know what to do when walking past them. Where do I look? What else am I supposed to do?


Is this when you are walking past oncoming people or when you were walking past people you are trying to go around (ie. people in front of you walking in the same direction). I assumed you meant the latter until I read your post, and now I am not sure.

Anyway, it is rare I am quick enough to walk around people. When I want to, I step aside off the sidewalk, move around, and go in front. I prefer to be behind though unless a person is moving really slow (or is stopped) because I cannot handle people walking directly behind me--especially girls/ladies/etc with loud clicking shoes that remind me of the school principal in elementary school.

When I am passing oncoming people, I don't really notice it. Mostly I am envisioning my university campus right now since this is when the issue would occur for me. When I am walking on campus, I don't really see human beings, I see objects that I have to move around. I don't look at anyone even when I am speaking to them, so I don't feel the need to look at passersby. I keep my eyes turned downward (but have such substantial peripheral vision I can see much more than just what is down so I never run into anyone). I don't bother to speak to people at all. Sometimes someone says "hello" and I am a bit confused sometimes, but I will respond "hi" and keep walking. I don't see it as much of an issue for me personally.


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10 Sep 2011, 6:53 pm

Joe90 wrote:
This is exactly the same problem I have! I don't like strangers looking me (it's actually become an obsessive phobia), so I don't look at them, but getting myself into a habit of avoiding eye contact isn't such a great idea. By doing this, I tend to walk straight past people who I know, which (although I don't like calling Aspie habits 100 percent unique) isn't usual, since most people do generally actually see others they know and not walk straight past them. So it makes me look unfriendly and I have to keep explaining myself. So this is what happens when you don't look at people. I suppose it explains the reason why people look at me - it's so that they can see who you are and if they know you or not.


this happens to me all the time too! i didn't even realise i was doing anything abnormal until i noticed that other people were far more aware of who was around them and spotted familiar faces coming from a reasonable distance. i wish i knew how to stop- whenever i try i just end up feeling strange and must look weird frantically trying to look at everyone around me.