Indifference = annihilation

Post Reply New Topic

Indifference equals hostility. Hostility equals annihilation. That’s the life of the autistic who is unable to read by instinct in other people’s behavior, the same way we read a book without looking for every word in a dictionary. Some may say that words are learned, but the expression of feelings through words obeys to a grammar that is not learned, is given to us. Or it’s denyed, in our case.

i'm confused

81.1.78.133

Annihilation, in what sense?

I's paranoia, in a sense. When I meet someone who treats me with indifference, I read in his indifference hostility. And someone's hostility means for me annihilation. You may call it utter vulnerability. Hermit crab without his shell. I thing I was sixteen when I came out with this idea of being a hermit crab. There is a strange thing here: I remember the exact place where I was when this happened. Perhaps not all auties are this way.

I'm that way. I can usually remember the exact scene when I came to realizations about certain things; it's probably because certain things in the enviroment trigger different realizations.

For me perhaps is the other way round.When a revelation happens in your mind, I am brought to photograph the environment where I am in that moment. Same holds when you say something important to some one, or when someone tells you something that you will remember. You remember what you were told, and where you were told that.

When I was six years old and my birthday was approaching, someone (I don't remember who, but I suppose my parents) asked me what I wanted as a birthday gift. I answered: "some sparkling water to drink". Everybody laughed around me. Understandably, because sparkling water was less than a peanut as a request. What I remember is the laughter and the exact place where it happened (a street of a seaside resort), not who was with me. What is also bizarre is that I lived all my life remembering this episode, but only now, ten days ago, I realized that the episode was not only bizarre, but also a symptom of something going wrong with me even then.

Is that someone's IP?

Indeed. I wonder why.

I think I can see where you're coming from...Because indifference is treating someone as if they don't exist, it could feel like hostility...or like being annihilated...
It is a difficult feeling to deal with, but I guess once one acknowledges one's own existence, then it wouldn't feel like being annihilated just because people are indifferent...because...even if people are ignoring you, you are still there...

by the way, I like the cat in your avatar...did you draw it yourself?