Should I apologize to an a**hole?

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Joined: 10 Mar 2015
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18 Apr 2015, 2:14 pm

The other day, I had a small meltdown, at a guy who was an a**hole to me. What he did at the time may have not been overly bad, but I was already predisposed to be angry at him for how he has treated me in the past. He always refers to me as "you", even though I KNOW he has my name, and its not like he has any authority over me. I got mad when I realized that he had put me in a position where he would just tell me to do things and I would do them (although they were technically his job).

Anyways, i gave him the finger like 10 times in about 20 seconds, yelled at him never to do what he had done again, and that yelled an insult at him before just walking away. I was later told that he didn't actually care, wasn't offended, and wouldn't care less if I apologized or not. I don't know if I should apologize or not? Is this situation worthy of an apology? I have a hard time with things like this.

will@rd
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18 Apr 2015, 2:20 pm

Never apologize for being right. But never give an @$$hole the finger, you can get hepatitis that way.

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cato4797
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18 Apr 2015, 2:25 pm

will@rd wrote:

Never apologize for being right. But never give an @$$hole the finger, you can get hepatitis that way.

ok, but there were also other people there, should i make an effort to find out who they were (I did not take much notice) and apologize to them?

lostonearth35
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18 Apr 2015, 2:31 pm

I think you should only apologize if you sincerely feel bad and truly are sorry for what you did, and if you hurt the person's feelings as a result of your behavior. Unless the person really *is* a jerk, because then they deserved it and if anything they should apologize to you. But since the person really is a jerk, their apology will be fake and insincere, which is even worse. But that's just my opinion, some people (religious types, usually), say we should apologize to everyone, and forgive them, even if they did really horrible things like molest us or murder a loved one. :roll:

dianthus
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18 Apr 2015, 4:14 pm

I got a vivid mental image of this when I read the thread title, and I'd have to vote no.

DailyPoutine1
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18 Apr 2015, 4:16 pm

Never apologise to people who lit the gas first.

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XFilesGeek
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18 Apr 2015, 7:13 pm

No.

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jk1
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18 Apr 2015, 8:40 pm

You are still calling him an a**hole, which indicates that you don't think he is a good person in general. If you sincerely feel sorry and regret your words/action, you could apologize. But horrible people are not worth being sincere to. So even if you feel you did something wrong to him, he probably deserved it and you'd feel stupid to apologize to him. I'm sure he wouldn't apologize, if he did the same thing to you.

DailyPoutine1
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18 Apr 2015, 8:54 pm

I think you should continue harrassing him to show who's the boss.

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cato4797
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18 Apr 2015, 10:26 pm

jk1 wrote:

You are still calling him an as*hole, which indicates that you don't think he is a good person in general. If you sincerely feel sorry and regret your words/action, you could apologize. But horrible people are not worth being sincere to. So even if you feel you did something wrong to him, he probably deserved it and you'd feel stupid to apologize to him. I'm sure he wouldn't apologize, if he did the same thing to you.

I apologized, just because I felt it wrong to to shout, and give the finger at him a bunch of times and insult him. He cut me off and said that it was fine and I shouldn't worry about it. Was he just being dismissive of, or being sincere, or did he just did not care?

This was before I saw all but one of the responses above (I saw an opportunity and took it).

goldfish21
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19 Apr 2015, 12:46 am

cato4797 wrote:

jk1 wrote:

Who knows or cares what he thought about it. It doesn't matter. Like forgiveness, an apology is for you and your peace of mind. You felt a need to apologize, and did. Whether he accepted, dismissed, or rejected your apology doesn't matter.. the fact is you apologized and thus should now feel more at ease about it. Move on.

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cathylynn
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19 Apr 2015, 1:01 am

i think you did the right thing. it's never okay to be abusive and giving the finger is abusive. you were the bigger person. you can feel good about that.

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