Emotional Maturity

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I got into a bit of a spat with somebody today and along with them telling me my interpersonal skills are piss poor, they made sure to hammer home the fact that I'm emotionally stunted by repeating "You've got the emotional maturity of an eight year old. Fix it". They don't know that I'm on the spectrum and what they said wasn't untrue, albeit incredibly rude. It's kind of weird, because in a lot of ways I'm significantly more mature and independent than others my age, but not when emotions come into play. Anyways, I was wondering where you guys would place yourself in terms of emotional maturity. Child, teen, adult, etc?

My emotional maturity is not equivalent to an NT of any age. In some ways, I'm way ahead and in others I'm way behind.

I had a SO many years ago, who also did not know I was on the ASD spectrum, call me "emotionally ret*d."

I cannot deny that there is truth in the accusation, but I will not tolerate being verbally abused for it.

Infant to 5 year old. I deal with my emotions only when alone or by supressing them. I'm trying to not supress them like I always do as it has been very hard the past few months to keep the mask of 'properness' up, and I will not be able to mature emotionally if I keep supressing them. It's really hard to allow anyone else to see my emotions, I am embarassed by them. Sooo, that's what, a toddler's reaction?

Unless it's anger, I don't have issues exploding at people I'm close to.

I wasn't even aware that I was always supressing my emotions either, not until the past year or so. So many things I was unaware of about myself and probably still am.

I'm not sure what age my emotional maturity is at in NT terms tbh. I never quite feel like someone my own age though, in some ways I feel like an innocent child forced out into the adult world, in other ways I feel like a world-weary old man who wants the kids to get off his lawn.

emotional maturity: ahead
life skills: behind

I doubt that NT emotional maturity is comparable to ASD emotional maturity. Rather than developmentally delayed, I think that people with ASD tend to be on a different developmental track.

I feel like three things I'm much better at than most NTs are 1) thinking critically and carefully about philosophical and ethical issues; 2) ensuring that my behavior generally conforms to my moral outlook; and 3) remaining open-minded and nonjudgmental about things which don't conflict with that moral outlook.

On the other hand, I dissociate instead of experiencing the full extent of my emotions, which leads to extreme anxiety. I don't really have impulse control. I don't know how to behave in social situations, and I can't reliably predict where my emotional boundaries will be until after I've crossed them.

What constitutes emotional maturity? I was told that in a recent situation I was the only one who responded with maturity, even tough I was not the eldest of the group. But at other times, it seems I just don't cope.
How do people define this kind of maturity?

identifying emotions: way behind.
dealing with emotions (identified or not): way ahead.

there is almost nothing about my non-physical development that is typical for my physical age, i know that. but telling me to 'fix it' is rude, as if i chose to be this way

I have learnt to act my age over the years but it don't come natural

Yes, I agree.

The assumption that there is only one possible path of mental development and the only variable is speed, is as implausible as the assumption that there is only one possible route to travel from A to B, combined with the assumption that everyone is on the road to B, and that there can't be any alternative worthwhile destinations C, D, E, etc.

So it's fine to be different between groups and within one of those groups there is no defined path, but within the other group there is a defined path? At least starkid was consistent logically, but you aren't jbw. You cannot agree with what starkid said and then say what you said. Starkid said NT are A to B and ASD is C to D, while you said there is A to (b or c or d or e etc).

Anyways, I'm not sure I agree with either sentiment. If you break down a mind into enough of its constituent parts, since we are all human and all possess conciousness, NT and ASD all have the same basic parts. How they work together leads to different outcomes, but I see no reason why a single aspect or a single interaction along the way cannot exist in all minds.

You're both far too simplistic, and I actually think the term emotional maturity and then giving it an age is taking into consideration emotional development pretty good. It is actually, in regular NT's (whatever that means, but it is studied and there are standards), points at which children learn dissociation and then, ideally, develop ways of integrating separate parts into a consistent whole. When I dissociate I -act- very functional because I recognize that to act differently holds no weight. To allow myself the luxury of experiencing emotions for me though, means that I do not function. I fail to do tasks, meet basic expectations, etc.

At least I can answer the question, neither of you have. Not that you have to at all, but without a framework to describe something, then no knowledge is gained.

If you're at point D, but you cannot describe what point D is, how on earth is that a better framework to adopt for a discussion? If you point out how one thing is bad, but you only give the vaguest of descriptions of another framework that I should have, sorry, your framework is just worse, because it doesn't exist.

I have great trouble with understanding emotions and coping with them. I'd like to be able to shut down all my emotions and become Spock-like, but unfortunately that would be very difficult.

I'm emotionally mature enough to know that it's emotionally immature to call somebody emotionally immature.