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Well I had another appointment with my therapist, and she confirmed that I am definitely on the spectrum. I'll be undergoing the more extensive testing soon.

Now that I know I'm at least somewhere on the spectrum, all of a sudden I feel different. Like, I'm kind of normal now? It's like all my weird quirks, and what I thought was just severe OCD, has been justified. Does this happen often?

I was also stimming ferociously during (especially in the waiting room) my appointments, so I feel like she has seen me at my worst. It's not always that bad! Do you guys ever have times where you're not stimming as much and other times when it's crazy? I can go days without noticing I'm doing it at all, but when my routine is messed up or something spikes my anxiety I notice it a lot more.

Also, my symptoms as a child weren't as bad as they are now, but I was unaware I was on the spectrum so I never knew how to work on them. Is it uncommon for them to get worse with age?

I'm so new to all this. I mean technically I'm not because I've been like this my whole life, but the information is new. I'm still dissecting everything in my mind, I haven't come to terms with the fact that my quirkiness is actually a thing. I have no idea how I feel about all this.

Are you sure it's new? It's pretty common for you to not be aware of your symptoms until they were pointed out. Now you're hyper aware of your autism which gives the impression that it didn't exist until recently. When I first looked up autism a few years ago I didn't think it applied to me as a toddler, but the more I remembered and the more I asked about what I did the more clear it was that I was always like this, and it hadn't just started suddenly. Hope you work things out

This is the experience I am having. I always knew I was weird but I and everyone else associated it with being "gifted". It wasn't until I moved out on my own and away from my rigidly structured environment that I realized I had almost no capacity for meaningful social interaction. After a friend emailed me a link about ASD, I couldn't stop myself from digging deeper. Suddenly a lot of things I never recognized as symptoms turned out to be indicative of a well-documented pattern. There were explanations for things when previously there hadn't been. I have made my appointment and I actually feel excited because I always knew I wasn't the things people said I was (lazy, rude, childish, a**hole, burnout, etc). I had a long conversation with my mom about my earliest years and we both began to recognize the patterns when we had some context to base it on. Most of the classic symptoms were evident in the early developmental period. I thought I too had experienced this rapid disintegration since 18, but when viewed in a different light, I see many areas that I have improved in. Let's just say a diagnosis of ASD is far more appealing than some of my self-diagnoses. And for the last week I haven't resisted a single urge to jump over something or spin around in circles when I felt like it. I remember wishing I could make faces and roll my eyes and being told things like "your face will stay that way" or "I'm going to smack you if you do that again." I never knew other people felt the need to do these things too. My mom seems to think I've been quite a bit happier since we started this discussion.

No the symptoms are not new, but my knowledge of it actually being autism makes it feel that way, I guess..

Growing up I was told I was just "different". So I guess I've been conditioned to think I'm not autistic, and now that I find out I am.. it seems odd. I think I just answered my own question

A bit of it probably has to do with the fact that I was thinking most of my symptoms were simply OCD.

I didn't. I used to think I was completely normal, just shyer than everyone else - I was always told I was "just shy", so I didn't think anything of it. Once autism was pointed out to me I first dismissed it because as far as I could see I was just normal. Only once I looked it up out of curiosity (all my cousins on my dad's side are autistic) did I (eventually) piece it together that no, I was not normal, and I never was. Even going back to a baby/toddler I wasn't. The only thing normal about my development is I hit all my milestones. Other than that I have always had clear autistic symptoms. I didn't know what to do with this information. I asked my mum and she said I'm too high functioning because I can talk. Took a hospital visit to change her mind about that one

Hi and welcome. Yes, I too had few difficulties as a child, they really started to manifest in teenaged years and
young adult. These days, being a senior, I don't sweat being an aspie too much. A little self reflection is good, too
much dwelling on oneself is not. Life is far too short and amazing! My tip for you is to first and foremost, take
care of yourself bodily. Sleep, good healthy diet, exercise. That's the bottom line. Other issues can be dealt with,
just know that we don't handle stress well, so make sure you set up your life in a way to acknowledge this. For
example, I do not drive, but when I worked, I always moved to a neighborhood close to my job. And get a pet.
Loving and being loved by a being of another species will bring great rewards. Best, Alice

I too thought my preference for verbosity precluded me from being autistic. I guess what I was trying to say is that I developed this belief about myself that I was weird because when I would do things like explain Wankel engines to another eight year old the response was usually something along the lines of, "you're weird." After a while you begin to believe it.

I can totally identify.

Thank you for the advice

No you're misunderstanding again. I hate talking. I meant because I physically can talk. She thought because I can talk I cannot be autistic. Not because I can talk. I only ever give short answers when asked. I don't start conversations. But I can physically talk if I need to.

I totally agree with everything everyone has said. Especially about growing up being told your differences are due to being gifted. That was my husband's experience.

A person's autism symptoms might worsen as they get older because of life stress and added responsibilities. Anxiety and depression are common in autistic adults and get worse if one's job isn't all that great and one's support system isn't as good as it could be. Problems with stimming could get worse because as an adult, some practices might become less acceptable, or you might have trouble replacing an old comforting behavior with something new. Autistic people who would have been classified as having Asperger's a few years ago can have anxiety and depression if they don't get enough time with a special interest, or if they stop being interested in it without becoming interested in something else. For things like this, I recommend getting help from your friends and family who you think are familiar with and supportive of autism. Failing that, a pro-autism therapist. To find one of these you'd have to ask around to find someone who has experience counseling autistic people and then ask "what is your stance on autism?"

Sorry if I ran on.

Interesting that she would associate autism with being mute. I only talk with a few trusted people, but I can carry on lengthy one-sided conversations with them as long as it is something of interest to me. I also love writing. Sometimes I find myself being redundant because of all the added superfluous language. The two people I talk to most have known me for quite some time and aren't afraid to steer the conversations when needed. I know that they will not form negative opinions of me just because I like to interrupt or change the subject back to what I want to talk about. In school I progressively talked less and less because I associated my interests with "being weird." I don't feel this so much anymore and am going to try to force myself to talk with more people. I just started a Calculus class at the community college and so far teach hasn't called on me, but I know the day is coming and I really don't want to freeze up or tell her I don't know when I actually do. So I can totally relate to not wanting to talk.

One of the main, salient characteristics of Asperger's Syndrome is verbosity.

I'm not nearly as verbose as I used to be.

Well there's at least one characteristic I don't possess... good news?

Going from "you're weird" to "I can totally identify". I think I'm going to like this forum.

Anybody who likes to box cows is okay in my book!