Intense Anxiety/Lack of Stimming

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I've only recently (3-4 months ago) realised myself to be an aspie. It's explained a lot. I've become much more aware of what is causing me stress, but it seems that awareness has amplified my stress. I currently feel like I'm in a state of perpetual autistic burnout. My NT wife would agree. She is concerned, as am I, that my lack of stimming is greatly contributing to this issue. I don't feel compelled to stim generally, but I want to.

Would you agree that I should find ways to stim? Where should I start?

What I do now:
-pet the cat a lot (I'm not sure if this qualifies, but my wife thinks so and it soothes me);
-crack my neck (although I feel it's more due to neck pain);
-rock (only when I'm really upset);
-bite myself hard (only when I'm really upset);
-hit my head on things (only when I'm really upset);
-pace if I talk on the phone (phone conversation cause me stress);
-tap my feet in drum beats when sitting amongst people (I used to drum);
-(sort of) dance in public, sway from side to side rhythmically (although I don't dance in public lol).

Not all Aspies stim. I don't stim. Those who do stim can hardly stop themselves doing it. I don't think stimming is the sort of thing you can consciously decide to start doing.

Though I'm undiagnosed as of now, I can relate to this. I've noticed stimming behaviors through my life, but nothing very obvious and I think I've always kept these hidden out of some sense of shame or being taught to appear normal. So I stim more now and feel better for it, but sometimes it's tough since I'm so used to internalizing stress. I don't know if you care about music much, but I really try to listen to specific songs that I'm obsessed with on repeat now. This has helped, especially while at work, and I find I go into this fuzzy/happy mode where I feel almost like I'm high. I'm sure this is just whatever chemical(s) my brain should be releasing more normally, since I'm usually quite stressed and "on guard." It's the best release I have at this time.

I am in a similar situation. I think at one time I probably stemmed naturally. When I was young my mom made a really big deal about not doing anything embarrassing in public. After long years of effort I cut down a lot. So it is not really spontaneous for me. But I hope to bring it to where it is spontaneous again.

I think it is a personal thing. What feels the best for me might not feel the best for you. But some things do seem more common than others.

One fun experiment is to be in a room by yourself and put on some music you like. Then just let you body move with the music. Then remember what movements you seemed to like best. Try different types of music and different speeds.

Yes, that's exactly what I feel my problem is, internalising stress. I believe I've taught myself not to stim as I grew up (never having a clue about being an Aspie or what stimming was).

One of my releases has definitely been music. I obsess over music, over each instrument, each pattern, although this can have a counter effect as I may pick a song apart and ruin its remedic effect. I'll have to try that tip on listening to music and doing what comes naturally.

Some more ideas:

Press your hands together in front of your chest really hard for several seconds.

Hum (probably just one note continuously) - only when you're not around other people OR it's so noisy that it doesn't matter if you add a little extra noise.

Chew something. You can get some kind of chewable accessory if you want. People will think it's weird though.

Squeeze a stress ball.

If you need pain, try something like squeezing an ice cube or putting rubbing alchohol on any skin injuries like paper cuts that you might already have.

Eating calms me too, but I don't recommend resorting to it for stress relief.

Those all sound like stims. Basically, anything repetitive that soothes you.
I do find that consciously choosing to stim can be soothing, so yes, try to do it if it makes you feel better. I have stims that I do when stressed and stims that I do when happy. Yesterday I was particularly stressed and close to a meltdown, and I found myself rubbing the tip of my thumb in a fast circular motion over the tips of my forefinger and middle finger, like the motion people make to indicate money. I couldn't really stop it; I 'had' to do it. I stopped for a few seconds and found my stress level increasing rapidly until I started up again.

I love doing this. Unfortunately I developed some kind of callus on my left index finger because of it. It looks kind of gross

The realization that some from of physical activity can relieve stress has been around for centuries. My favorite example is Greek Worry Beads. They are readily available; I keep meaning to get a string of them myself.

Link to Article On Greek Worry Beads

The article even describes how to use them quietly or noisily, whichever is more soothing at a particular moment. They are even available in a wide variety of styles and colors:

Link to Shopping Page For Worry Beads

I like the fact that worry beads have such a rich cultural heritage. It somehow makes them seem less clinical, kind of like the difference between aluminum crutches and an elegant silver and ebony Victorian walking cane. Hey, just because I need a stimming aid doesn't mean I can't be stylish about it.

This post -- and the discussion below about internalizing stress and not stimming -- HIT HOME! OMG OMG OMG. I was diagnosed about a year ago, and after the initial weeks of relief, I feel I have entered a tailspin year of "perpetual autistic burnout," as you put it, Departure1. I couldn't have expressed it any better. I find myself doubly miserable over the fact that I was actually more emotionally functional before my diagnosis; for some reason (and any theories/explanations from those more experienced here welcome), knowing I am an Aspie has made it way harder to function on a day-to-day basis, particularly in terms of an almost complete lack of physical and emotional energy. I haven't been able to understand why this is happening, and my doctor doesn't really understand the depth of my burnout because when I go to see her, I bounce in and make jokes and am my 'NT world' self. I have never consciously stimmed because my stim (hand flapping, jumping up and down like a little child, swinging from side to side) wasn't approved of when I was growing up. But very recently, while buying coffee at a quickmart, I got emotionally overwhelmed in the span of a second because the guy at the counter appeared very mad and disgusted with me and gave me a mean, mean vibe (I don't live in the most racially diverse place on the planet), and I found myself flapping my hands from the sense of fear in my gut. I quickly stopped, of course, because I was embarrassed now on top of processing the waves of negative energy this guy was throwing at me. I've been doing a lot of reading (books are my friends) on AS and finding out about the various, pretty nuanced ways I sometimes stim, but they are minimal and all I end up doing is internalizing all the stress and then having massive shutdowns, meltdowns (always in the privacy of my room), and/or migraines.

I had always thought it is weird that I listen to the same songs over and over. And so I disciplined myself and forced myself to stop doing it (because NTs don't do that as much and I didn't know I am an Aspie and so just felt 'wrong.' I am now going to develop a playlist of the songs that sooth me, and play them over and over again till the cows come home. OMG -- this is just wonderful. Thank you, peoples!