Inadvertantly Hurt

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(I'm not sure if this is the correct section to post this in, I hope so)

The rational part of me realizes this is kind of silly but it's still bothering me. There's this t.v. show that I really like (Bones) because I can relate to the main character on many levels, but my boyfriend really dislikes her character and last night he and some friends were making fun of the way she talks (monotone).

There are other fictional characters I relate to, but not as much as this one and it's hurtful that he can hate someone so similar to myself. It makes me wonder how he could like me, if this is how he feels. I've told him this, but he just brushes it off by saying that I'm "way cooler than her." Whatever that means.

*He doesn't know about ASD*

I just think he doesn't like the character, that's all.

He finds you "way cooler" than the character because you are a real person; whereas the person on TV is merely a character, who is possibly a stereotype.

I understand you identify with the character, and are upset that he's making fun of the character.

That's just the way things go sometimes. People can't agree on everything.

By the way: if he doesn't find the abilities of Asperger's/autism cool, he's not worth your time.

Thanks Kraftiekortie!

I thought about it for a few days and I think you're correct. He doesn't know the scope of my thoughts, cannot see the connections that I am drawing, and therefore has a different perspective on the matter.

What is it about Bones that he doesn't like? It may not be her aspie traits so much as her personality. She can be extremely brusque and overly blunt (which I will admit to loving about her), and she can also be unintentionally arrogant, expecting others not to understand because she's so much smarter than them. These aren't aspie traits necessarily, and even if they were, your boyfriend can dislike those traits while still liking you, even if you were to have those traits yourself. I don't like every trait that NTs use to define themselves as NTs (social ability, general lack of sensory problems, ability to read nonverbals, etc.) but that doesn't mean I dislike every NT who possesses those traits.

Mostly, he dislikes her vocal patterns, but he also says that she's a b***h. I had not realized people thought of her as autistic, I identify with some of those traits of hers but also with her personality. I think that most people misunderstand her, which is something I've had a lot of experience with. I'm often mistaken for being cold, uncaring, rude, too blunt, unfeeling, and like her I am also considered attractive which seems to fuel the aforementioned sentiments. I like how her friends on the show come to see what's beneath her exterior, and they know her to be very caring, vulnerable, and even empathetic. I wish I had insightful and protective friends like she has.

One of my favorite scenes, because I can't count the number of times this kind of question has been posed and I've answered in the same confused manner:

Shallow people want to be dazzled with B.S..
Simple logic confuses them.


Western society in general has a type of selection process going on where it collectively tries to reach the lowest common denominator of shallowness.

I suspect your BFs making fun of her speech pattern is just a consequence of him not liking her character. If he liked her, I doubt he'd say "well, I love the character, but hate how she speaks". When you dislike a character, every little thing about them becomes annoying.

I personally really like Bones, Brennan included, even if she does have her derp-moments. Like the death metal one where she tries correcting everyone's pronounciation of "skalle", with hers being the worst one.

I think my fave is from the same episode as the screen you posted, when someone recognizes her from TV
and asks "Didn't I see you on TV this morning?", to which Brennan, without missing a beat, asks: "How on earth should I know what you saw on TV this morning?"

This is an apt assessment Olympiadis. I agree.

*Nods*
Yes, that was great as well! I am always thrown off by questions like that one.

Hahaha, nice!

I am also sometimes peeved when others do a pile-on against something I like. When I can see the conversation might be headed toward that, I do what I can to redirect it. I'm not particularly good at fast thinking in that setting, but I try to do what I can. Some conversation topics can be trigger-ish for me; avoiding them is my best defense.

Yeah, this past Fall a lot of people seemed to be ragging on pumpkin flavored edibles. My birthday falls on Thanksgiving (every 7 years) so I often had pumpkin pie as my birthday cake, making me a long time lover of pumpkin. I guess everyone suddenly became aware of pumpkin pie flavored desserts recently and now it's a trend that everyone loves to hate. I didn't like that they were saying so many harsh things about pumpkin pie. (Now I'm craving pumpkin pie).

I agree. When I saw the above example ending with the words "I do one, then the other," I just thought "what's funny or strange about that?"