World gone mad

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I took some days off work. My boss died. It was a sudden thing although he had been ill a while. I had invested a lot of time and effort in the relationship with my boss and he understood me. He knew about my Aspergers and he appreciated the work I do. Now he is gone and there is a temporary stand-in boss who is trying to show how good he is. Others are also acting very differently. I think they are jockeying for position.They suddenly have different perspectives on things and I'm wondering how they could suddenly express views that they clearly didn't hold previously.

The thought of starting from scratch to build an understanding with new people is a source of significant anxiety. It appears the temporary boss wants to do that because he thinks he will be the permanent appointment. If he isn't the permanent appointment that means I have to go through more disruption of working relationships. I don't intend building relationships with the temporary new boss and start all over again with the permanent new boss. What is worse is that I have more than one person coming to me seeking out my support for them. They want to know who I support and if I say I don't support anyone they seem to take that to mean I don't support them which is not correct.

I'm also really sad about my old boss dying so I'm in a bit of a depression. I took a few days off work to settle my state of mind and get away for all the people aspiring to be the new boss. I'm meant to be changing jobs and things were at a very advanced stage under the previous boss. That might not happen anymore so I'm stuck in limbo.

These situations are incredibly difficult for a person with Aspergers. It is as if I woke up one morning as an inmate of a gang-infested asylum. There is not a lot to be said about all this other than I'm in avoidance mode. Taking leave has been very effective, but I have to get back to work.

Interested to hear different thoughts on how to handle this situation.

Ouch. First of all, sorry for your loss.

You're probably right about all of them "jockeying for position" - I'm sure there are several people who think they might be the new boss...office politics are *interesting*.

Regarding the "who do you support?" question, I guess you could say "I haven't really decided yet...I honestly don't know who would be the best successor to [previous boss's name]." You could also say that it's too soon for you to even think about such a thing because you're still grieving (they'd BETTER understand that, or at least act like they do).

Hope that helps somewhat. Don't let anyone talk you into anything you're not ready for.

Your advice is very much in line with my own conclusions on how to deal with the situation.

Outright questions on who I would support or prefer to be the new boss are relatively easy ones to deal with. The difficult conversations are those where the person is not asking the direct question but engaging in an insidious process whereby I am engaged and put under pressure to commit to a particular course of action. In so doing, my agreement and actions are interpret as implicit support of one position or the other. People will go so far as to make explicit statements interpreting my position in ways that suit their agenda and then then if I reject their statements, there are expressions of shock, disbelief and betrayal.

Essentially the notion of abstaining from expressing preferences is eliminated as an option and referred to disdainfully as 'fence-sitting'. I often jokingly respond to questions by nodding my head up-and-down vertically while saying 'no', or shaking my head sideways and saying yes'. I find this to be quite effective in getting people to laugh but it has a serious meaning which is that I refuse to be pressured. Ultimately I just want to do the job and respond very badly to overt or subtle coercion. When all else fails, I am absolutely ruthless and will become publicly very outspoken. I am ultimately uncontrollable in much the same way a cat retains its intrinsic wild instincts.

Get a T-shirt printed that says
"I don't do office politics. Deal with it."
It's a thought that has crossed my mind before. I didn't do it though, so can't comment on the likely effect. May be counterproductive. YMMV.

I can relate to that. Been there, somewhat. What I found is that, as long as I remain articulate and don't resort to swearing, there were enough people who ultimately respect ruthless outspokenness, so I never got hurt badly. Again, YMMV.

Good luck!

Love this idea.

Yep, the world of work. Just when you think you've got yourself into a stable niche that's reasonably bearable, something changes and you have to start all over again. Sorry to hear it's happened to you too. I don't have any advice except to get on with the task of re-aligning yourself to the new situation as best you can. It does get easier.