can't go out in public sometimes...

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It seems I have had trouble going out in public lately without having a meltdown.
I can go to resturaunts...and on regular errands to the store and whatnot...but whenever there is an occasion where I am supposed to be relaxing and having a "good time" out somewhere, i lose it. A prime example is last night for my boyfriend's birthday...We drove to Galveston for an open mic..and I got into a foul and panicky mood..i did not want to be there..I did not want to play...i started crying...and saying awful stuff..the same thing happens if I go to concerts...I get these serious anxiety attacks...am overwhealmed by negative feelings...I wish there was some way I could avoid it.

Sorry to hear you're having such difficulties. I had an epic meltdown at my sister-in-law's wedding a few years ago. It was horrible and I felt so guilty. But I was going through a particularly bad phase and things did get better. Can you just hide yourself away for a while and kind of gather yourself? You know you're not always like this so you'll certainly pass through it! Hope that helps!

If it's something like a gig (concert) or a party, then the mass amount of people that are there will mean that you can slip away unnoticed by anyone except your friends. As such, it may be advisable to notify a friend of yours you're going to take a break outside.

EDIT: Being at night, you may want to stay at the front/main entrance, so nothing too bad happens to ya.

Recently I tried telling my friend that if I make a T with my hands (as in 'time-out') that i'm having a meltdown and need to be alone. She's having a little trouble getting the hang of it but she's very encouraged that i'm trying to have my meltdowns without hurting her feelings.

The other thing (and this worked very well) was that i told my sister 'if i say i want to go out for a cig, it means i'm having a panic attack.' that works like a charm. neither of smoke any more but i still use the cig cue lol.

When I go out I take someone to hide behind, be it mother, dog, sister or boyfriend.

And I still hate it and want to go home.

I used to suffer from full fledged agrophobia. I could not even order a pizza on the phone, or a meal in a fast food joint.

Slowly I adapted and came out of it. At least you are not that bad!

I also had problems as a young adult with "fun" situations. I had a handful of friends and a sister a year and a half younger who got into my "click". Anyway, I had a tendency to get excited about wanting to go out. We would do some drinking to "prime ourselves" before we went out, but usually, in the "pre drinking" phase, I would go over my limit and pass out before we left my house. (Usually before 10pm.)

I was always screamed at by my family "why do you have to be a party pooper, or ruin the fun?" Honestly, this was not an alcohol problem, but it was my way of "getting out of" the whole night. I really could not stand "having fun" most of the time. Occasionally, I wanted to, and had a good time, but most of the time, I just could not handle that level of socialization.

I have also had full fledged panic attacks in really busy stores. The only place that happens.

I have no answers for you, no suggestions, only support.
Been there, done that, fun is not fun! Blah.

Concerts - blech.
Any place where you are a cow in a herd, like a major sporting event, I have learned either to stay away from or set my mind to "other".

I have learned over the years that there are places and situations I must avoid so as not to have a meltdown. Unfortunately this means I'm home a lot. But it's better for me that way. Plus then I can build up my reserves for when I have to be out in places that are overwhelming.

I suggest you think about what in particular is overwhelming. Some people (myself included) believe that many of our AS problems stem from hyper/ and hyposensitivites. Loud music, too many people, odors too strong, too many flashing lights, that kind of thing. The more you know about what makes your nervous system go "twang", the better you can learn to cope.

Yeah..it's even small concerts...or small social places..This most recent meltdown happened at a small acoustic bar where there were only a few people present...I think it was something about the intimacy that contributed to the nervous state I was in.
Luckily, Flakey is very understanding and tolerant of my meltdowns. My bandmate (who also has neuro-issues) kinda had one too..(not as bad as mine)..but the manager of the bar came up to me and had me go out with him to apologise to my roommate who he upset by making a comment on stage about the fact that he was reading a book...thus causing him to run outside...and I had to explain to the manager that he..or we both are very sensitive and tell the manager that he shouldn't feel bad...ugh..

Anyway...that's what Flakey gets for taking us anywhere..and it is definitely not the first time we have both had meltdowns while out in public...in fact, it frequently happens in a chain reaction..not always, but often.

I remember going to one party last year. I found I had nothing in common with the people there, who were almost all drunk and gossiping about nothing. Luckily, the family had two dogs and two cats. I found them much more interesting than the people there.

That is pretty much what I always do when I go to parties. I will either latch on to the pets or the children..if present...Whenever I go to one of Flakey's family gatherings..which always inevitably involves his nieces..I spend the whole time with them and practicly don't even get regarded as an adult (which I don't mind)...I have even had one of his nieces tell me "You're not a grownup!"..and then..."mommy..is she really a grownup?" I was flattered.

LOL - I've tried that and then get embarassed that I'm able to get on with the pets better than the people.

One thing I've learned recently is that if I go to a party, I'll find something to do and then I can tolerate it. I'll go around and pick up trash, which forces me to walk amongst everybody and makes me not sit in the corner looking self-conscious. Or I'll go in the kitchen and start helping out with dishes or offer to bartend. This is the only way I can survive a party. Then you can do some serious people-watching without them noticing you're watching them as if they're on another planet!