May or may not be autism related...

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its been a while since i posted but i dont know what to do right now im freaking out.
Thursday afternoon i was finishing up my novel for English Class, Perks Of Being A Wallflower, i really like this book, i can really relate to the character Charlie, a socially awkward teen going through high school, only he has more friends and does more drugs than i do...I was on the last chapter, Charlie was about to have sex with the girl he had a crush on for a year, sam, when she touched him he suddenly felt very upset and stopped her, he was in this daze for a few days, he had a Dream that His aunt Helen was doing everything sam was doing to him, He was very very close to his aunt Helen and was really affected after she died and writes about her in the book. Charlie ended up becoming completely unresponsive, his parents found him in the living room completely naked watching television which wasn't on. He was sent to the hospital where he found out his dream was real, his Aunt Helen would touch him every saturday night when his parents were away.
This triggered something in me, i don't know what, the room started spinning and i felt REALLY sick, my heart was racing and i was sweating i asked to leave the room immediately. I started pacing and calmed down enough to go back to class, but when i went back i was still sick... i couldn't focus i was just so out of it... All i wanted to do was cry. So i went home.. i still couldn't feel better at home, i watched all my favourite movies, listened to my favourite music but nothing worked. I re-read the same part where charlie is in the hospital and the same thing happened! i took as much Gravol as i could but it didn't help, my stomach still felt awful. i ended up breaking down that night in tears..
Friday i stayed home, I talked to my dad and he said it may have been because when i was really really young, i was hospitalized for a bad burn on my chest and the doctors tried to insert a cathador in me, i was really confused and scared and he had to talk them out of putting it in... after that i didn't like to be touched by anyone below the waist... Im not sure if this would traumatize me but i definitely don't remember it, but i remember everything else about going to the hospital. anyways friday night i broke down again, i was crying so much and everything felt so heavy it felt like my body was covered in chains... i started cutting myself.. i don't know why i just did.. i cut myself a lot with a sharp razor blade, from my inner elbow to my wrist below my hand. thats all i could do.. i didn't necessarily want to die but i didn't want to live either... mostly i just wanted to sleep... that night i had nightmares..
Saturday, the morning was hard but i decided to go out with a 'friend' in the evening. we went to a movie and i kissed him... i usually don't like kissing boys but this one was okay.. i felt pretty comfortable with him. I did just have a lot of anxiety attacks when i was out. mostly if anything reminded me of the book and my stomach was still upset,
Sunday was hard but i managed to clean but i was still upset..
Monday was the hardest, i hadn't cried so much, i went back to school and was still having panic attacks, i started walking around the school when my english teacher found me, she asked me how i was doing and i couldnt help myself but to cry, she took me to the guidance counsellors office where we talked about the book, we talked for a long time, eventually my guidance counsellor saw my cuts and called my dad who brought me to the hospital, they were all very nice, and the triage nurse actually told me her son was autistic... the doctor gave me some pills and got in contact with my psychologist.i cant remember the rest of the day i was too high to remember anything else.
Tuesday i took more pills and talked to my psychologist, he said it might be a PTSD trigger until he realized i was OBSESSED with the book, he said "I have been a psychologist for 20 years and i have seen A LOT of PTSD patients and none of them became obsessed with their triggers", he said i have A LOT of empathy for Charlie in the book and it may have triggered the response but he's not sure exactly why. He said i should think about it and eat more... i never did eat more since then...
Wednesday was fine, i still was having anxiety attacks but i went to see the boy i saw on saturday, it was a lot of fun and things got pretty intense. it was the most kissing i have ever done.
Today, i felt like my old self... until i read the book again.... i decided to read it again and man did i get PALE. everything started going black i needed to lay down. now my stomach hurts again and im back to square one...

i dont know what to do...

I know you feel for Charlie, and that what happened to Charlie struck a chord with you.

Because Charlie is a very sensitive person, and you identify with him.

You know that what Charlie's aunt did to him was terrible.

I don't know...maybe I would stop reading the book for a little while. Then go back to it when you feel ready.

I'm glad you're having a good time with your friend when you go out to the movies.

It could be tension has been building up for awhile and needed a release somehow and the book was there at the time you were ready to burst so it was the trigger.

It's easy to get stuck on thinking and thinking and trying to figure manipulation and lies out (the author's and the aunt's) but though it could be the abuse topic that is upsetting you, I don't like books where the author misleads the reader about what will happen, they make me feel dragged down by a very deep confusion. It makes me feel kind of sick IRL if there's too much manipulation going on, too.

I think this kind of book is aimed at commenting on the effect of lies and secrets and manipulation. It's fine for people who engage in that or at least understand IRL when that's going on pretty well. I don't think it's good reading for those of us who feel confused and sick when people are manipulating each other IRL by even small things.

I agree with Kraftie, stop reading. And I am not sure people on the spectrum benefit much from reading how thinking about people makes the main character crazy since most of us have to think about people to manage social interactions......

Since your English teacher already knows the book upset you, and sounds concerned, maybe she could give you another assignment if it is to be discussed, or any essays written. The alternative is you push through until it stops upsetting you, but I don't think that will work unless you understand that kind of mindset the author is conveying. If not understanding that makes you sick, you can't make it make sense by rereading.

What you are describing is a common reaction to trauma. There are therapists who are very knowledgeable about trauma and can help you. With the severity of your reaction, professional help might be needed to teach you how to deal with these uncomfortable feelings.