How to come up with a plan to handle my autism.

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Been having a hard time living peacefully with my family. Any advice is welcome. Don't hesitate to ask questions because at the moment I can't think of the things that cause all these issues.

Ok, what helps me get started is to make lists, of things that cause problems and things that help. Also keep in mind what things you can negotiate with them, and what things they may need from you.

this may be too basic or broad, but feel free to pick a topic or come up with your own! Here are some ideas.

What sort of things bother you?
Things the family says?
Things they do?
Do they respect your space? Do they enter your room without permission, or touch your things?
Do they make you feel unsafe, or disrespected?
Do you feel uncomfortable all the time, or just at certain times?

What sort of things help you?
What things help calm you down--music, movies, games, stim toys, exercise, meditation
What things cheer you up--hobbies, books, doing something creative, exercise
Is there an ally in the family or a friend that can help? Someone you can confide in, help you and the family understand each other better, give you advice?

How can you talk about it with your family?
Is it better to talk to them verbally or can you get it out better in writing?
Do you have an ally that can help you negotiate with your family, for example, talk about respecting your space or their expectations of you?
When talking about your feelings, try to lead with an "I" statement, not a "you" statement. For example, "I feel really uncomfortable when you enter my room without permission." NOT "You treat me like a kid when you come in my room." "You" statements sound accusatory, and people get defensive and hostile when they hear them.

Remember negotiation is a two-way street.
What things do they need or want from you, and what is reasonable?
Do they expect chores from you? Can they be specific about what they need, and when? (that was always a big sore spot with my family)
Are there family obligations they expect, and what can you accommodate? What is too much too ask for you to do (for example, something with crowds)
How do they feel about your visible symptoms? Are they okay or do they want you to suppress them?

I think a lot of how you approach this depends on how they usually handle things. Do they like to talk things out and work out what's expected, or do they yell and demand? Are they open to talking or do they want to change the subject?

My space isn't getting invaded, it's more like behavior problems from me. Real life example. My mother asked for my DMV ID renewal form. I went to the DMV to get to get a ID form for my sister who doesn't yet have an ID card. But I read on there that you have the option to renew with that form. So I grab the form showed to her and insisted that it was my form, because that's what I was going to use. I completely forgot about the renewal form the DMV sent me in the mail. So we got into a fight about the form for a couple minutes insisting I could use that form to renew my ID. It was then stated that she wanted the renewal form I was sent in the mail. I then realized what she was talking about, stopped fighting and went and grabbed my form. But the damage was done and she was very upset with me. So I know need a plan to help prevent this and other problems like this from happening.

Who got mad first over the form?
Was it you or your mother?
Did she get mad that you had the wrong form, or did you get mad that she said you had the wrong form?
Or some other scenario?
If you got mad first, the main thing that may help is to try and not be so quickly reactive in common situations like this small misunderstanding about which form.
If you practice reacting slower and regulating emotions to be less reactive in behavior esp angry kind, you can learn to become more zen and be able to handle these situations better so there is no fight and no upset to you or others.