Feeling inadequate? Anyone?

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One of the instuctors from my sons activity was mentioning today that her life partner and leader of the company has Aspergers, the conversation was based around having Aspergers doesn't stop you from achieving what you want out of life, it just means you have more to learn. I know her partner (well I have passed greetings with her and watched her in instruct classes for a year). although she is reserved she passes very much NT with her facial expressions, social skills, eye contact etc. although I realise all this was learnt.

The same instructor lent me a book earlier this year "Nobody nowhere by Donna Williams" and commented how far Donna had come from being non verbal and how much she has achieved.

The instructor is a wonderful person whom I admire greatly and one of the few people I enjoy talking with, she knows of my diagnosis and has offered me advice on occasions when I have asked.

After our last interaction today I feel somewhat inadequate.....Aspergers has stopped me from achieving, it has impacted my learning, I have social anxiety so I don't find myself in a lot of situations that I could learn from. Lots of things leave me overwhelmed, I have sensory processing difficulties, feel more comfortable on my own, need time to recover even from my own children, suffer shutdowns and meltdowns and just the effort of looking at someone leaves me exhausted.

Am I the only one..are others like me?

Nope, I feel this way too. It's one of the reasons I don't like people insisting it's a good thing to be autistic. It comes with additional challenges. Really think there needs to be a balance between being encouraging to not let it stop you, but also that things will be harder. Saying it doesn't stop you makes you feel like s**t when it does.

Thanks for your reply, glad to know I'm not alone.

You are definitely not alone in this. I feel the same way as you. There are things I have been able to accomplish and some in a great way but none of them are serving to sustain or support my livelihood. My Autism has hurt me tremendously in being able to keep jobs and has made me lose every job I have ever had and makes it very difficult for me to be hired. It's like the things that my Autism has helped me be great at are things that don't matter as far as advancing one's station in life in this society. And in the things that do matter, my Autism has only hurt me.

But I do understand that many many Autistics do great and have incredible jobs and really excel. And I am very happy for them because anything great that they manage is well deserved and they have earned it. It's just not the case for me.

I'm glad I had another go at getting into the forums here. Only a couple of days and I keep hitting statements that describe how I feel.

Certainly for me working as a programmer in my current job I feel like the things I'm brilliant at nobody cares about. I think it's just my area of IT and I should have been in a more hardcore development zone. The trouble is that in an NT dominated world success is often based on appearance, confidence and a big helping of BS.

I think you're a bit unlucky to have not found a niche where your skills outweigh your ability to navigate an NT workplace?

Yes, and I'm one of the aspies who has found a workable niche because my skills happen to be in computing...

Donna Williams has done well, but there was luck involved and her books indicate she found "success" to be draining and bewildering. I know it would freak me out if thousands of people were desperate to converse with me.

The inadequacy thing is universal for humans. The main thing for us is that the feeling is amplified and often debilitating.

I tend to feel pretty inadequate most of the time.

But I adjust to it--and I keep on plugging.

I'm another one. The experience of reading or reflecting upon inspirational stories often evokes feelings regret and shame for me. Actually I've had a lifetime of feeling inadequate, regardless of actual feedback from others or real accomplishments. So yeah, you're not alone.

I would bet that 95% on this Site--and probably 90% of Humanity at large--feel inadequate at one time or another.

It's really part of the Human Condition.

True that.

I feel the same way sometimes. I will probably never be able to drive or hold down a full-time job, and just being around people and trying to talk and be social and everything wears me out so much that I often need to be alone to rest for hours afterward. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels this way, so it's good to know that's not true.

It's better that you are an elegant pen, rather than being a mere ballpoint.

I wish I were more the Quill Pen type. I come across as more ballpoint.

"At one time or another" is completely different than "constantly." That comes across to me as the kind of thing that NT's say to try to make other NT's feel better. While it may be well meant in it's sentiment it's a belittling and meaningless statement to someone who suffers from this feeling to a crippling degree.

You'd be surprised how many people feel inadequate "constantly."

I'm not belittling anybody.

My inadequacies have crippled me to a certain extent.

I have never managed to cope with a full-time work schedule (or even school schedule, when I was a kid). After a dozen failed job attempts in my 20's, all of them resulting in physical and emotional breakdowns, I finally had to admit that despite my best efforts, I was simply 'broken' in a way that couldn't be fixed.

I had to come to terms with the reality that I was 'inadequate' - for reasons unknown, and ostensibly my own fault - decades before I was ever diagnosed with autism.