Dealing with Change?

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Like many here, I have a problem with flexibility and adapting to change, sometimes even small change. It really bothers me and makes me feel anxious and resentful, and it always takes forever to adjust, and never feels as good as whatever I had before. Case in point, I'm in a social skills group right now that's run by my college. I've been attending for three semesters, and have two great group leaders, of whom I'm very fond (one of them is the person who diagnosed my autism). I found out two days ago that next semester, they'll be passing the group on to a different pair of leaders, because they're all grad students and use our group as part of their training. When they told us this though, I freaked out and had a mini meltdown. I feel stupid, because none of the other group members (all autistic) seemed too bothered by the news, but I'm sad that they're leaving, and really afraid of what's going to happen to us once they leave. I know it's highly irrational, but I don't know how to keep from getting worked up over small, insignificant things. What are your experiences with situations like these? How are you with adjusting to change, and is there anything you've learned to do to make it easier?

Many people experience resistance to change, and most are especially affected by change to a social group where they have previously felt comfortable and connected. The fact that most of your fellow group members aren't showing signs of distress should not be taken as necessarily meaning they don't feel it. Sometimes people minimize distress by suppressing all outside signs of it, as a way to dampen down emotions that might otherwise spiral out of control.

If anything, you are probably better off accepting that this change is understandably stressful for you, rather than adding additional stress to your life by telling yourself you "shouldn't feel this way because it's not the right way to feel". You have a right to feel YOUR way, about things that affect you, and it doesn't *have* to match up with what others consider to be "insignificant".

In short, I would start by accepting my own natural reactions as valid, and then I'd try diligently to imagine a bright new future with the new leaders.

Hey StarTrekker,
I can relate to you. What I would do is ask the leaders you like now if you can keep in touch with them and keep a friendship with them. That will give you continuity and will help keep a feeling of safety. Feeling safe is the issue for me when I am struggling with change. If I can have something familiar and safe to hold onto it really helps. Staying close to them as friends will help give you that safety line during the transition. And with their knowledge of Autism they should understand this and be willing to do this and help you though it. And they probably like you anyway and will most likely be glad to keep a friendship with you.

Change... the final frontier. The only constant is change. I wish it would go away, but it never does.

I used to be pretty bad at handling change but different life experiences help me adapt easier & also being on anxiety & OCD medication helps a lot too. I'm still not great at handling it but I handle it alot better than I used to.