Sensory processing disorder and oblivious people?

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This is a problem I have been struggling with for quite a stretch of time now. That being, dealing with things caused by (usually unaware of my disorders.) another person that upsets me due to my sensory processing disorder. I don't know the proper and polite way to tell somebody to stop, and what to do if they just don't understand WHY what they're doing is effecting me or causing harm.
For example, recently I was attending a Christmas concert that my younger sibling was to preform in. This took place in a packed full, can of sardines, gymnasium. There was a woman sitting in front of me, who was excessively rubbing her pants, while later proceeding to rub her children's backs. This is one thing I can't stand. I HATE to touch fabric with the palms of my hands. I hate the sound of it, the feeling of it and I hate to see others doing it as well, and although it sounds stupid, while seeing somebody else do it, I can still feel it myself. It is very overwhelming and often causes me sensory overload. I started freaking out and my mom wouldn't let me leave and she advised that I not mention it to the lady, as she might take it as rude. But it was really, really bothering me.
I do understand that I am not always going to be able to alter the behaviour of the people around me. Their world lives on, as does mine. I am not in control. For all I know, perhaps she had Sensory processing disorder as well and perhaps she enjoys rubbing fabric. I always take into consideration of what others may be going through. But seriously guys, I can't stand it. Is there any proper way ask them to stop? I am very socially awkward. I try to remove myself from the situation most of the time when bothered, but unfortunately, that is not always possible.

I most definitely would not mention it to the lady. She would be extremely unlikely to understand and find it rude. I get into situations often where I start to panic. I usually try to deal with it as much as I can, but I become quite unpleasant towards other people and generally irritable.

It sounds like your mother doesn't really understand how much this is bothering you and feels that you must learn to deal with it. I had the same problem growing up. Maybe you could just tell your mother in the future that you must use the restroom, and then go there to be alone until you feel more calm. Or perhaps, if you think she would be understanding, you could explain to her how much it upsets you in as much detail as possible and you could discreetly leave when necessary.

I have recently discovered that wearing headphones and listening to music I like really calms me down when I'm in public. It shuts out the rest of the world and I feel so much better. Something that you could bring with you to calm you in those situations may make things easier if you are truly unable to get away for a few moments.

I intensely dislike the sound of fingernails scratching denim.

The other sound that I hate is other people brushing their teeth.

I usually just cover my ears till it's over. Of those two things you mentioned, I would never interfere with a mother being motherly toward her children. Rubbing their backs is a way of her being affectionate, and there is no way you would win in that situation. If it was her simply rubbing herself for say over two minutes straight, then I MIGHT say something.

But if you ever do say something, make sure it is a polite request and not a direct order. I have asked someone to please stop clicking their flip flops or chewing loudly because it makes it difficult to concentrate. I would never say QUIT IT because you annoy me. In your situation I would say, please could you refrain from making that noise so I can hear the concert. That way it actually frames it as THEY are the rude one and you are the polite one. It makes it much more likely they will comply.

Most people understand that repeatedly clicking a pen is annoying. So if you get an indignant response when you ask politely you might say, "I understand it might not seem like a big deal, but to me it's the equivalent of someone clicking a pen over and over."

I carry foam earplugs with me wherever I go. I hate the sound of people eating. I think you can get flesh colored ones so they aren't as obvious. Listening to music (as suggested above) is a great idea as well.

The only people I tell about my sensory sensitivities are close friends and family. When I've tried to tell strangers about things like that it tended to draw a lot of negative attention. It didn't work out too well for me.

The other discouraging thing I've found is most psychologists I've dealt with have no training in dealing with these issues. My current doctor has encouraged me to see an occupational therapist (OT) for help. However, I've heard that most OT's tend to deal more with autistic children who have these issues.

If there are any psychologists reading this their is a niche market out there waiting for you with adult sensory issues.

I do see an occupational therapist from a children's hospital (due to the fact that I am under 18.) but they are six hours away from which I live, so I see them through a Skype type program called 'Telehealth.' (Which is very awkward, by the way.) so I don't get to do a lot physically. I have seen her (OT) in person while I was an inpatient in the children's psychiatric ward twice in the past 2 years, and they decided they were going to 'lower my sensitivity.' by making me listen to putrid music that pierced my skull with its massively high frequencies. Deal was, that I had to listen to it twice a day for 30 minutes while doing some sort of physical activity. I couldn't put up with it, and I refused. It drove me crazy. I wanted to scream and cry while listening to it. Absolutely awful. To make it worse, the music on the little sound cartridges were nursery rhymes/lullabies sang by a very pitchy lady. Would not recommend.

i definitely feel you!! ! its so frustrating! i have the same thing where if people are touching each other (romantically or not) in public, i get very very uneasy and start going into meltdown mode. also, people eating apples, pears, or any fruit with an apple-like squeaky skin makes me feel awful. i cant stand the texture, and seeing other people feeling it makes me feel like im biting into it myself! my sister just yesterday purposefully told me to look at her while she took a big bite into a red apple, just to see my reaction. if i made any sign of being uncomfortable or told her to stop, she would have just made fun of me. neurotypical people can be so unbearably frustrating

The thing is... what do you lose by asking someone politely not to do something? Worst case scenario, they think you're rude. In a lot of cases these are people you'll never see again, and if you do bump into them again they're unlikely to even recognize you. So that really doesn't matter.

On the other hand, they might be cool about it and comply with your request.

I get very irritated when people bounce their legs in an audible fashion (from the friction of their pants rubbing against something). A calm "Would you mind not doing that?" or "Hey, could you please stop that for me?" usually works for a while. Most eventually start again since this is a form of fidgeting. The second time doesn't even take words, just the right expression and gesture and most will go "Oops, sorry" and stop again.

There are a few things I react to more strongly. I'll just walk out of the room if people don't stop, and if someone has a problem with that then too bad. Got to look out for number one.

It takes practice to do in a way that's not likely to be seen as pushy, but there's not any way to get that practice other than doing this.