Aspie-ish or just being too nice?

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I have this problem, that if I have a task waiting, or have to go somewhere at a certain time, or have been asked to do something for somebody....I can´t use my time! It´s not my time anymore.
I can´t do anything coherent before "mission is accomplished" ...not even, if I have 3-5 hours or days!
I get nervous, frustrated, messy, running in circles, forgetful and disorganized about everything apart from the few bits, I have to use for the task.
The top worst is, when somebody says, "I´d like you to do this or help me with that, but do it in your own time.
No hurry". Then I can´t think of anything else, until I´ve done it and it is my bloody resonsibility to keep it in mind. (Honestly, some people have tried to make me remind them of THEIR stuff. No luck there, I´m afraid).

I don´t mind helping others - not at all, - but I feel, that my time is OWNED by them - as if I have no say - and I´ve been scoring burgundy red in stress tests for years.

I admit, that I was brought up that way - not to say no, unless I had substantial reasons, - but I´m 62 now, so I ought not to let it get to me that way. It´s emptying my social batteries even faster.

Is this a typical aspie-reaction to less concrete plans or am I just being too "nice"?

Last edited by Jensen on 25 Dec 2015, 7:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I definitely identify with this post.

I get complemented for finishing work quickly but I'm doing it so I can get back to my interests as fast as possible. I want my "me" time back. If a project or deadline is hanging over my head it can cast a dark cloud over everything else in my life.

Having trouble saying "no" is a common problem that many people face.
And I read somewhere that if you ask someone to do something and say,
"there's no hurry" ... that's a real good psychological way
to get someone to do something for you.
Because if you instead demand that somebody do something "right now" ...
that's when they'll panic and say "no."

Maybe being an Aspie makes you more vulnerable to wanting to be nice socially,
in the hopes that you'll be better accepted.
Either way,
"no" is a real good word
that can help you regain control
of Your Time
and Your Life!

Yes, it's great helping people ...
but if you end up all stressed out,
seems like it's a good time to
take a step back and rest.

...

I haven´t been able to do much about my interests for years, because I have this uneasy feeling of having to be someplace else all the time.
Ok, I´ve been on dole searching for job for years too. That doesn´t exactly provide inner peace either, but I think, I´ve established a permanent sense of being a hunted animal and it is easily provoked.
People just need to ask when I feel like.....whatever - for a friendly occasion. Bang!
Perhaps I just need a couple of years on a deserted island.

Sometimes I´m a bit better at it, but it´s a long process. I´m just dicovering the limits of my social energy and try to respect it openly instead of just struggling on like before.

I love your avatar by the way, Jensen!

Thank you Maybe I should choose one, that have wings to flap like your phoenix

Neither.

I know a few people like yourself that can't stop themselves from helping other people, especially people that don't really need the help. They are doing it because they think they're either spreading goodwill, or because their just too nice.

They are, of course, actually doing it because, they like the felling that comes with being nice to people. Those warm, fuzzy feelings, that come at the end of every easy, simple, and straightforward task accomplished. Then comes that ego stroking moment when the person you've been helping showers you with their attention, and gratitude on a job well done.

The experience itself is very cheap, tends not to last very long, and is extremely addictive. So these people tend to get caught up in an endless cycle of helping people, word quickly gets around that their the ones to go to for help. More, and more people keep asking them for help, and the problems they need help with keep getting bigger. Sometimes they don't even need to be ask for help, they just do it anyway, self assured that accolades await them in the end.

Is this you? I have no idea, and I really don't know you well enough to say.

I think this is a reaction to executive dysfunction. My guess is you have a poor sense of time and difficulty judging how long a task will take, and knowing this, you get extremely anxious about getting it done in time.

Difficulty planning a task and poor judgement of time....in short.....Yes!

I don´t do it to get warm, cuddly anything - but more like out of guilt, if I don´t - and because of a wish to help that helpless creature put up curtains or put a screw in the wall - because I can and there´s no reason not to. I´m handy, so I can actually help.
I need to learn to say no, because I have other things to do. I actually have done so.
Just feel a bit overwhelmed these days