Curious about self control...

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I'm curious about how good self-control is for everyone.

I always maintain totally rigid control over my emotions, my mouth and my actions (unless I've been drinking, which is partially why I gave up). Originally I started this at school as a form of damage limitation and can't switch it off after over 17 years.

I almost never lose control of myself. The last time I lost my temper big time was when a friend of mine got attacked over ten years ago and I was going to find who did it and take them apart (I never did).

I'm curious about how issues like this affect other people.

Do you mean that you control the emotions themselves (e.g. using mental strategies to make emotions less strong, and avoiding situations where emotions might get powerful)? Or do you mean that you control your behavior so that it is always the same even if your emotions are different (e.g. carrying on conversation in the same way even if you are depressed, and not punching people who anger you)?

I have ok self control of behavior for strong emotions, but I think it is partly an illusion. I often get delayed emotional reactions to other people; when I am talking to them I am in 'talky emulation mode', and I usually only get really regretful or angry about it afterwards when I am alone. On the other hand, I have very poor control of behavior for weak 'emotions' (things like a mild desire to check sports scores, which some people might not even consider an emotion).

When it comes to distinguishing between strong emotional responses and 'occupational urges' (best description I can think of at short notice) I handle them differently.

I control strong emotions totally. They are still there under the surface, I just take a few deep breaths, 'put the fire out' and continue, although sometimes I'll analyse the situation afterwards. I refuse to acknowledge them in a way (although not always sucessfully and I don't know if it's healthy in many ways).

With more 'occupational urges' I find it hard to avoid the sports results, email, www and my favorite videos, but as they are among my obsessions I'd find it hard to resist for a long time.

My self control is based on two minds. My logical
side takes over so things can pass their course,
but like a limited computer cache it needs to flush,
express or bleed on others or your computer in one
of my more depressing posts. Otherwise it is how
I keep calm.

The other is my poetic writing, and creative
writing side. This is where I say things and
properly bleed them without much damage
to others.

Let's call it a emotional barrier. You can scratch at
it and such, but when it gets cut too many times I
go into panicks(sometimes), flight(most of the time),
and bleeding(negative posts and control burns and
bleeds on your computer screen).
 


Curiousity is the weakness in me too. I too can get
nosey and stick it where it I know I shouldn't have.

Sincerely,
Ghosthunter

Last edited by Ghosthunter on 24 May 2005, 6:26 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I have a hard time controlling my anger. I had an even harder time controlling it when I was a child. Many people were afraid of me, and they thought that I was actually possessed by a demon. I would hurt people, throw things, and say rude things to them.

I can control my anger better than I could then. Yesterday, a girl at school made me really angry. I wanted to pick up the table and throw it across the room, but I didn't. Instead I just sat there and didn't talk to anyone.

Torak - what's your secret? I find it difficult to control my emotions. When there is a battle between emotions vs reason, emotions often win in my case.

Up until this past year, this was exactly how I operated. I developed it both at school and at home to make sure under no circumstances people could touch me. I know what you mean about drinking - I tried it once when I was 15, but I was in a public situation and got terrified of what I might do when I felt the control starting to slip, so I froze up and decided it was too dangerous.

Like Ghosthunter, I had (and still have to a degree) the barrier between two minds, with one side handling my art and writing, and the other side handling emotion control and the public facade.

For me at least, operating that way started to have more drawbacks than benefits. Without other expressions, emotion manifested itself as irrational fear and frustration, and I lost myself in the overload/shutdown cycle... which seems to have strong correlations with hyper-control. Once you've gotten used to keeping yourself still under nearly any internal circumstances, it becomes very difficult to break the training even when you want to. Do you want to break it, Torak?

I have a REALLY hard time controlling my anger when I am infuriated by little things, etc., like can-openers deliberately not working to make me go hungry (yes, it sounds completely logical to me).

But when it comes to getting angry at people I know, I have utmost control and usually this is rarely ever an issue. Actually, my mother has complained that I don't get angry at her enough, stating that it seems somehow unusual. Maybe it is. But I don't quite know why my few friends and family tax me less than objects and total strangers. I haven't lost my temper at someone I've know for probably about a year-- and this had to almost have been drug out of me and was more out of defense than anything else.

When you do get angry and lash out at others do you succeed in the battle? Assuming that physical abuse is unlikely and it's a war of words and body language aren't we at a serious disadvantage? I've often wondered if the supression of violent emotions is really due to inability to put up a real fight or the fear of losing (maybe based on past experiences). Basically what i'm saying is maybe you're not controlling the emotions, but the emotion of fear is controlling you?

I'm pretty good at controlling my anger offline.

Online I don't bother because I don't give a sh*t.

I can get a bit agressive if i've had too much to drink.

Yes.
I think I developed this as a coping mechanism early on during my school years to avoid being noticed or teased. I was fairly invisible for decades. Sometimes referred to as "unconscious unresponsive"...

MrPink said:

Yes, I am horrible at keeping up my end in confrontation. I think perhaps it isn't necessarily fear but that, being a poor arguer, I have never gotten into the habit of doing so.

But yours is certainly an interesting and perhaps valid hypothesis.



Veeeeery interesting indeeeeed...

Yes. I think some people do an action and then later try to rationalise that action. If you didn't act on your natural impulses you want to find an excuse to give you a sense that your action was the superior one. Of course in many cases it is harmful to fight and argue with others, but in many other cases it may not be. I recommend reading Notes from the underground by Dostoevsky to get an idea of where I'm coming from.

LOL. Pink, have you read my signature? hehe. One of my fave books.

I don't believe I am ever really in control. I am merely an avatar for the various forces at play- tossed about like a plastic bag in the wind.

Of course, I am vastly more awesome than a plastic bag. Even though you CAN melt plastic bags and make those little shrinkie keyring things!

I've worked really hard learning to control my anger and impuses, that's part of the reason I may seem sedate at imes is because I need to just shut up and sit there to avouid saying something that may cause problems or end up looking stupid. If sitting around fuming about something won't suffice, I usually go beat the crap out of someting that won't be missed. Hopefully soon I'll be able to go trap shooting or blow up some IEDs someplace remote when I get pissed instead. I've been working double time on self control since a medication quit working but other than that I feel great and also, I do enjoy acting like a loose cannon and I feel I have more creativity in doing so lately, but I still have to temper that with self control to avoid doing anything that might be misunderstood and potentially be preceived as sociopathic.