Do you ever feel some sort of 'existential rawness'?

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More often than not when alone I feel this sort of metaphysicality, mentations hypothetically graphic. Like, moments that can radically alter, like butterflies creating hurricanes, but a biological dice, like epigenetically activating some genes for cancer, inadvertently.

not sure if this relates to your OP, but the term 'existential rawness' is interesting. Knowing that I will always be alone forever does give me a brief feeling of panic, the sensation of "literally nothing between" me and a distant star in a black sky.

It is hard to describe, but the aloneness gives an anxiety like the bottom falling out....