Managing stress & finding help

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I was diagnosed late in life, last year, at the age of 49. At the time, I felt a great sense of relief, because I finally had an answer for why I was different, and I thought, finally, I could find some therapies that were more effective than the generic cognitive based therapy I'd been getting for years.

Gradually, over the past few months, my sense of relief has been turning to disappointment, depression, and anxiety. Disappointment, because all the therapists I talk to either only treat kids or are booked solid for months. Depression, because I'm spending huge amounts of time researching therapists, calling, interviewing, with little to show for it. A couple of psychiatrists refused to believe my official diagnosis because I was "too articulate," making me feel like a fool and a failure. Anxiety, because I feel more aware than ever what my deficits are--I am stressed and fearful about triggers of sensory overload, worried about getting into some problem at work or a fight at home because I misread a situation or say the wrong thing, forgetting to do something at work because of executive function issues. Even meeting other autistics has been disappointing--they've already been through this transitional phase and don't seem very interested in talking about it.

I'm having a lot of physical stress-related illnesses, which I had before the diagnosis but now they are really bad. I was in the hospital for a bleeding ulcer week before last. I'd lost so much blood that I needed a transfusion of 3 units of blood and had to have surgery. I'm getting migraines, triggered by bright lights, loud noise, and smells. Now I'm grinding my teeth so bad I can hardly eat.

What do I do to let all this stress go? What relaxation techniques help you, especially in dealing with sensory issues? Are there any effective therapies for adults?

I think I am in the same spot as you, I recieved my diagnosis late last year and have yet to find any autism resources, even so much as a social group as everything is directed at children. The average mental health worker or doctor including psychiatrists doesn't know jack s**t about autism. I have had a psychiatrist tell me the exact same baloney that I articulated myself too well to be on the autism spectrum, and wrote in my medical file r/o autism. Ironically she told me that no one in the hospital was qualified to officially assess and diagnose an adult on the spectrum. Since she works there I told her that would include her. Usually the same person who has the authority to tell someone they DON'T have the diagnosis is the exact same person who would be qualified to diagnose a perosn that they DO have a particular diagnosis. I asked her which one was it? Qualified or not qualifed? I also cut up her baloney logic throughout the appointment so I didn't let her ignorance and incompetence get to me too much.

I think most of the benefit from recieving this diagnosis was getting the answers of why I have always felt so different than those around me my whole life, as you wrote in your post. I think also coming on here, and learning as much as I can about Aspergers and then telling those who are close to me, has helped them become more understanding and accomodating, which has really helped a lot with stress. When I complain about bright lights or loud noises, or other sensory issues, they can know that I am not just trying to be difficult, that they are more willing to accept my adjustments to my environment.

Aside from using dimmer lights, controlling the temperature in my room, avoiding any use of airsole sprays around me, I find that mindfulness meditations can help me cope with stress, so can watching comedy, listening to ambient relaxing music or the odd clonazepam, sleepy time tea, passionflower tincture, or simply retreating from other people, stimuli and just daydream. I hear others use noise canceling headphones to wear to listen to relaxing and calming music through the day, or wear sunglasses.

I tried a therapist who specialized in anxiety, which did help somewhat. Unfortunately, I think the best support for adult autism is here. It's not a perfect fit, but an anxiety specialist is much easier to find and may have some good suggestions.

LOL, I think you cutting up her baloney logic in a meticulous, logical, step-by-step manner should have clued her in that yes, you're autistic

I think my best resources have been message boards like WP or books or blogs by other people on the spectrum (Robison, Grandin, et al). I'll have to try the passionflower. Lavendar bath salts are good for me too. Clonazapem works but it knocks me out for an hour or two, so it's my last resort. My therapist is training me in progressive relaxation now, so I think I'll work on that. The biggest benefit has been at work, in which my boss has been a lot more accommodating now that she knows that I'm not failing to follow her instructions out of spite or stubbornness. She's changing the way she gives instructions, and things are working a lot better.

One thing that has helped me is to simply accept that there IS very little help to be found. Our health care system is limited in what it can do, and it's rare to find anyone on a typical insurance plan who is qualified (or willing) to diagnose, treat, or even acknowledge autism in adults.

And yes, that can be incredibly frustrating - to realize that even if you manage to get diagnosed by one autism specialist, there's no guarantee any other future health care professional will agree with their diagnosis.

So I've just come to accept it, and it's reduced my stress a lot. I expect doctors to treat me for broken bones, and certain diseases they have a good track record with. I'll go to the psychiatrist if I feel that meds could help me. I'll go to a therapist if I feel it would help just to have someone to talk to. There's only so much they can do, and I don't expect them to give me any more than the basic level of health care they're required and trained to provide.

I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's the way the system currently works. The reality is that if you, as an autistic adult, need help figuring out how to deal with stressful situations at work or home, your options are to (a) talk to a regular therapist about it, and see if their NT-oriented advice might help; (b) go online and ask other autistics; (c) talk to family and friends, and formulate your own common-sense approach to dealing with the issue.

Hopefully one day, our health care system will be equipped to deal with autistic adults (and the first step would be acknowledging that we exist, rather than stubbornly ignoring our needs). In time, we might get there. But for now, we have to be strong, and find creative solutions to our problems, as we've had to do all our lives.

The best thing is probably to obsess less over autism and let the early diagnosis period pass.

I wanted to add another trick that I find really helpful to de-stress. Holding an icepack to the back of my neck and just sitting in a comfortable chair and closing my eyes. It really helps. It was even suggested in a part of a "distress-tolerance" DBT class that I attended to, though I had been using this method for a long time before I ever attended this class.

I asked that same psychiatrist for Saphris to use for sleep and she told me that "oh no that is an anti-psychotic, we only use that medicine for treating bipolar or schizophrenia, using it for sleep would be considered an 'off-label' use". So I asked her what does she typically use for sleep. She said "Seroquel". I'm like "oh yeah? Well that is also an atypical anti-psychotic in the same drug class as Saphris and Seroquel isn't approved for the treatment of any sleep disorder either by the FDA or Health Canada nor any other government regulatory body, so using it for sleep would be considered an 'off-label' use as well". That shut her up real quick. But noooo "rule out autism spectrum disorder" .

I guess the surgery you just had makes your tired and more prone to stress. You could maybe talk about some 'mood tablets' to your doctor to get you through this difficult time.

No relaxation technique is going to work for sensory issues I think, but why don't you try ear plugs/white noise mashine, dark glasses, etc.

And remember than this type of response to stress is not unusual for us, there is no need to beat yourself up about it.

Hope you will feel better soon, take care