Extreme grief over special interests

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I STILL don't know for sure if I am on the spectrum, but I am experiencing extreme anxiety/grief from not being able to partake in my interests fully...

First, I have developed anxiety over being away from my husband... this kills both birdwatching and pokemon significantly....

No car means its hard to get to other locations... added grief I can't find a job easily...

Because I have no money, I can't buy better birding equiptment or even more data for my phone...

I'm having so much anxiety over this... in school I used to draw both pokemon and birds everywhere... with birds I would wear clothing... it's extreme how these things are in my life and I can't do them! If I could, I know I would be happier.

you like birds? so do i (parrots)

That's the same with me. It's gotten to the point where I don't spend as many Saturdays, spending the night with my parents. If I can't have my toy helmet and German flag with me, I only want to be there once a month at the most.

I've been obsessed with horses since I was three years old. I would panic at the idea that some horse-related item or activity would be taken away.

Once I started horseback riding regularly, I used to go into a kind of physical and emotional "withdrawal" when I couldn't ride horses, even when I substituted other exercise, FREX on a business trip. If I couldn't ride for more than two weeks, I'd slowly regain equilibrium, but the world was always more depressing for me, more gray.

The best I have ever done for coping mechanisms is to leave this world where horses exist by reading science fiction (reading is another of my special interests, but the science fiction part is of less intensity, and substitutions of other reading matter can be made).