Tell my children I am ND or not, and how?

Post Reply New Topic

As I come to accept I am ND my mind is now turning to if I should explain it to my kids and if I do how.

I want to tell them as I think it will help them better understand why I can't handle some 'normal' activities. Why I hide out away from the family so much, why I have meltdowns sometimes, that I do love them even if I struggle to hangout with them as much as they would like etc etc.

They are old enough to understand at least the basics of it (the oldest is 12). Both are very bright. I have no concerns with how they will take the news. Their reaction will be curiosity and acceptance (they are great kids ) as far as we are aware they are both NT.

My main worry is the stigma attached to ASD and how their peers may react if they happen to mention it at school for instance (I don't want to tell them to keep it a secret as I don't want them to feel shame or the stress of keeping a secret).

Anyone have direct experience in making this decision explaining their autism to their NT kids?

Please, make it clear in your reply if you are speaking from direct experience or not. Thank you.

I would say tell them. The stigma will only go away when the general population has more experience and understanding of those with ASD. The more people stay hidden, the more stereotypes like Rain Man will flourish.

My dad is not diagnosed, but has many autistic traits. As a kid I hated him, because he didn't participate in the family and mostly expressed himself when he was angry. He always tried to work third shift, so we had little interaction. I didn't understand why he was physically there, but emotionally he seemed to barely exist. Looking back, I can see that he got angry because of noise. That doesn't mean he dealt with noise well, but I see now that it wasn't about me, he just didn't know how to cope. He probably worked third shift because it's dark and quiet at night, and he'd have to deal with less people. He also drank (in the dark) a lot, which I realize now was a way of coping. In my thirties I can sympathize, but when I was 5? Even then I had a lot of resentment. I wish as a kid I'd had some kind of explanation for his behavior. I'm sure he wishes that, too.

You sound like you have a much better relationship with your kids, but I still think it would be helpful to talk with them. It may help clear up and resolve any negative emotions they have, or avoid those feelings from developing in the future.