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Every Have a Person Become your Special Interest?
No 18%  18%  [ 6 ]
Yes 47%  47%  [ 16 ]
Can't remember 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
Yes but they weren't alive 6%  6%  [ 2 ]
Yes but I stopped 12%  12%  [ 4 ]
Yes and it didn't go well. 18%  18%  [ 6 ]
Total votes : 34

Unfortunate_Aspie_
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07 Mar 2016, 9:34 pm

So, wasn't sure if this would be in dating or general forum or what not... but I don't really mean it as a dating thing, but this is the only plausible way I could see this happening, but nevertheless.

Is it possible for two Aspies to become each other's special interest? I mean I've heard about some aspies talking about how they have become obsessed with another person (usually an NT that doesn't share that affinity or even an NT that is interested just not to the same level...).

I agree with the general consensus of it is extremely unhealthy for a person to have another person become their special interest... usually in the context of dating, but also I guess with like rock stars or celebrities but in that case the chance of it being a problem is close to nill because they will never see or meet them thus basically harmless.
But what happens if ... two aspies become obsessed with each other? Is it still unhealthy? What if they are both as obsessed with one another? I've never had this happen (If I feel myself getting too "into" another person, I just pull away personally, don't want to risk it....), but in kind of a theoretical sense I was wondering... would this be healthy? Would it be okay if it is mutual?
OR is having a person (alive that you can kind of turn into a stalker for) be your special interest always a bad thing no matter what?
I'm curious to see what everyone thinks! :!:



kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 9:36 pm

I had a bad crush on a girl who followed me home one day, because she was curious about me.

When I satisfied her curiosity, she went back to her boyfriend.

I was pretty obsessed with her for about two years afterwards. That was when I was 21-22 years old.



Unfortunate_Aspie_
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07 Mar 2016, 9:45 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I had a bad crush on a girl who followed me home one day, because she was curious about me.

When I satisfied her curiosity, she went back to her boyfriend.

I was pretty obsessed with her for about two years afterwards. That was when I was 21-22 years old.

How long did you know her for? Why was she curious about you? Did she physically follow you home? Like to your house/place of residence? How did you forget about her? Do you (in the general sense) just forget about people once you perseverate about them? I wonder... :?:



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07 Mar 2016, 9:57 pm

In that situation, I don't think it's inherently wrong. It reminds me of the episode of HIMYM that explained the Doppler/Dahmer effect. Hyperfocusing to the exclusion of other people wouldn't be healthy, but I've heard of instances where it works out okay. :shrug:



kraftiekortie
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07 Mar 2016, 10:12 pm

She worked with me. I knew her for six months before she followed me home.

Yes, she did literally follow me home.

I perseverated about her for a couple of years. That was over 30 years ago.

I remember her, wish I could contact her, but I don't know her married name.



Joe90
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08 Mar 2016, 3:20 am

When I was aged 13-17 I had an intense obsession with this couple that lived next door to my cousin. :oops:


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TheAP
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08 Mar 2016, 10:03 am

I get obsessed with people. It's not so much a special interest as an obsession or a crush. I think about them all the time and imagine scenarios featuring them. The thing is, my obsessions also cause me a lot of anxiety. I sometimes feel sick because I'm so obsessed with the person. I also become afraid of seeing the person or their name or having the person say something that I don't like. I develop an idealized version of them and get upset when they don't meet my expectations. I can talk to the person if they talk to me, but I usually don't pursue them because I'm shy around them and I don't so much want a relationship with them as to enjoy my obsession.



ZombieBrideXD
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08 Mar 2016, 9:36 pm

People tend to be pretty information less, not boring but not a whole lot to research.

But i do become attached to certain people, like the girl who introduced me to Sonic, i fell in love with her but i had also developed a crush on her friend. i cared deeply for them but i think its only because i RPed with them.

I have a current interest in Walt Disney but the man himself was just apart of a bigger interest in the franchise himself.

So interest in people? no. Attached and love people deeply? yes.


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Unfortunate_Aspie_
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10 Mar 2016, 11:27 pm

Joe90 wrote:
When I was aged 13-17 I had an intense obsession with this couple that lived next door to my cousin. :oops:

Huh, interesting, what form did that obsession take? Like did you try talking to them incessantly? Was your interest considered unwarranted?



Unfortunate_Aspie_
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10 Mar 2016, 11:34 pm

TheAP wrote:
I get obsessed with people. It's not so much a special interest as an obsession or a crush. I think about them all the time and imagine scenarios featuring them. The thing is, my obsessions also cause me a lot of anxiety. I sometimes feel sick because I'm so obsessed with the person. I also become afraid of seeing the person or their name or having the person say something that I don't like. I develop an idealized version of them and get upset when they don't meet my expectations. I can talk to the person if they talk to me, but I usually don't pursue them because I'm shy around them and I don't so much want a relationship with them as to enjoy my obsession.


I used to do that when I was younger. But I was VERY idealistic when I was younger, (I mean around my teens) and would get extremely upset when people "broke the rules" or very high standards I set arbitrarily, but I realized much later that no one thinks and has the same goals or aspirations that I do. so. that helped with me understanding why people reacted SO contrary to my ideals. :lol: they didn't have the same ones I did! (go figure :wink: )
Although, I find that I get obsessed with the ideas of people not them themselves. It can be frustrating.

But I'm also very curious if people had any mutual interests. Like two people mutually obsessed with each other.
I guess like they talk about in love or limerence but longer lasting like a special interest- does it exist? is it healthy? what would that mean even? I think of Romeo and Juliet a lot for this actually.



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22 Jul 2016, 5:43 pm

I remember a psychiatrist telling my Mum I had a special interest in her when I was about 7 or 8. (Before anyone had thought to explain what autism was to me).
I was a very attached child, screaming each morning before being left at school, trying to spend every possible moment with mum. I think this was accurate because I don't remember many major special interests from this time.

I've noticed each time I go into a new social environment, it happens with one person. Always a woman, (And I'm a hetero female), usually a little older than me but young, and often she's the odd ethnic background in the group. Anyway, I don't ask the obsession to form, but for the first few weeks I'm always trying to get near her, talk to her as much as I can. After that, I'll start to regulate it and get shy around her or consciously make myself try to avoid her if I can because I don't want this to be happening. It's often ended surprisingly well, we've eventually become friends, and the obsession drops off. The couple of people I haven't become friends with haven't hated me. But I agree that it's unhealthy, and I want it to stop.

This year, especially, since I realised the person I became obsessed with this year was never the best candidate for a friend for me, so I believe I'd be able to make friends better if I was able to just pick friends without an obsession.
I just don't know how to make it stop.

I think it would work well to catch it early and start ignoring it and avoiding them early until you get over it. Just I haven't done this successfully yet.

I've also had obsessions with famous people, but I don't care as even NTs have obsessions with famous people.