Another touch question

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For those of you who dislike touch -
Is this dislike uniform, or dependent on conditions? Is the level of aversion the same when you are touching others, as when they are touching you? Is it the same between people you know and those you don't? Are some situations tolerable to allow touching, and if so, which situations? If not, why not? Why is it that some people who are adverse to touch don't seem to mind touching inanimate objects, such as chairs, beds, etc or touching themselves, but have similar sensory processing problems with clothing textures and pressures?
I'm trying to understand this in myself to preempt what will and will not work in terms of exposing myself to touch in the near future.

First and foremost, I don't understand the reason behind touching. It can overwhelm me with confusion.

That being said, the better I know somebody, the more likely I am to understand and accept touching. A perfect stranger, I don't know that person, DON'T touch me, not at all. An acquaintance, I may accept something like a handshake, but anything more I have problems accepting. Friends get may get a hug a if the situation is right, and I understand the reason behind the hug. Siblings get a little more touch. My children, I don't have any problem touching. My ex-wife, I enjoyed touch of all types, I understood any and all reasons to any touching with her. Now that I'm divorced, I still interact with her because of the kids, but she's gone back to the friend level of touching.

I'm thinking part of the reason with problems from touching might simply be "fear of the unknown". Like, with furniture, we KNOW what wood, bedding, upholstery, etc., feels like, so we already have that "conquered", so-to-speak.

Also, another element MIGHT be that some of us ASDers tend to be a bit of a "control freak"----we don't like things that catch us off-guard----MY theory is, we try to control the OUTSIDE, cuz we have so little control over the INSIDE. Also, we have so much going-on, on the INSIDE that sometimes the slightest little "disturbance" on the OUTSIDE, throws our whole body outta whack, cuz that's one more thing we have to deal with / process / make decisions about, etc.

Pretty much the only touching I have a problem with, is LIGHT touching----like, my mother (who was an undiagnosed Aspie, IMO----NOT just because of this) used to always call my sister "spider fingers", cuz she'd lightly touch your arm to bring your attention to something. I think people who do it, are only trying to be gentle----like, they don't wanna grab your arm, and say: "Look at this", for instance----but, it'll 'bout send me to the MOON (and if my arm is bare, OMG, forget it)! !

There are two types of touching issues. Social touching, and skin sensitivity issues. Unfortunately, I have both.

I don't like social touching, whether they do it, or I do it, but will tolerated some, like with family members. I will occasionally make myself touch non family people, to shake hands, or if they are upset, to comfort them, but I still don't like it.

With my skin sensitivities, some things really bother my skin. Because of this, from childhood, I have thought of myself as like the princess in the story, "The Princess And The Pea." It's definitely not all in my head, or in the heads of others on the spectrum. Most foot gear has a seam on the inside back of the heel. I have to always avoid getting them that way, as the inside seam will chafe my skin raw, and make the back of my heels bleed. I can't wear flip flops with the divider thingy between the big and next toe, as it will rip open the skin between the two toes in a few minutes, and again cause bleeding. Can't stand clothing tags on the back of my neck. These cause irritation and itching, so I have to carefully remove them. Sometimes clothing seams are stitched with plastic thread. That bothers me. I react to the glue on bandaids, and fabric glue. The toe seam on socks bothers me, so I always wear my socks inside out. That helps. The pills that form in socks bothers me, so I pull them off before putting the socks on. Both animal fur, and my own molted hair make me itch when they get inside my clothes. I keep hair brushes in almost every room, so I can use them to scratch my back, when it's not convenient to remove the clothes to hunt for the loose hairs causing the itching. I have IBS, and spend a lot of time on the toilet. Some of that time is spent with my top off and turned inside out to hunt for and remove any loose hairs that have gotten in there. Every few days I have to look inside my slippers to find and remove loose hairs that have been making my feet itch. My newest pair of winter slippers are the worst slippers I have ever owned. They have this nice. soft. warm "fur" inside them, that molts off the fabric, and makes my feet itch. I will probably throw them out before winter comes again, and buy something better. I totally hate this pair of slippers.

If it were all in my head, I would not bleed, nor chafe, nor itch. This is a real physical condition caused at least in part by neurological processing problems. Being over sensitive to loud noises and/ or bright light, is another physical condition caused by the brain processing problem. It also causes motor skills issues. I have moderate problems with all of these. I don't have trouble speaking, but do sometimes have trouble processing incoming speech. I will hear the volume okay, but they will sound sort of garbled, or muffled. Thanks to the internet, I can replay parts of online videos at a louder volume, and several times, when I am not able to understand things the first time I listen to them. This usually helps. Unfortunately, you can't do this in the real world. Bummer! I have noticed that English spoken with a foreign accent tends to be much harder for me to understand. I even have this problem when listening to some British citizens. My brain just can't handle processing even my own language when it sounds too different.

In addition to these physical sensitivity and psychological neurological processing problems, people on the autism spectrum often have internal physical problems, as well. In my case, too much stomach acid, IBS, kink in bowel, and a number of other problems. I think that this matter of having physical sensitivies, psychological components, and internal physical problems makes Autism spectrum disorders harder for most NTs, including doctors, to understand. The fact that we can also have other psychological conditions as comorbids adds to the complexity and confusion.

Sorry to digress and run on--and on.

Is this dislike uniform, or dependent on conditions? Depends on conditions. My sensory issues vary over time, I often feel overheated or just physically irritable, other times I don't, so that can affect it a lot.
Is the level of aversion the same when you are touching others, as when they are touching you? On the rare occasions when I touch others, I probably have less aversion to it, I guess that's because I know when it's going to happen. It's often rather a shock when somebody else touches me, so it's more acceptable to me if they have the social skill to first use body language to offer touch, so that I can choose whether or not to give my permission, which is much better than when they just wade in as if I shouldn't have any choice - I hate that.
Is it the same between people you know and those you don't? I'm usually more averse to being touched by people I don't know, but it's more a question of whether or not I like them or feel safe with them, and there are other factors, e.g. if I'm in a relationship I'm a lot more reluctant to be touchy-feely with other women, which is more of a loyalty thing than a sensory thing, and of course I'm a lot less reluctant to be touchy-feely with my partner, though I don't initiate that as often as I perhaps should.
Are some situations tolerable to allow touching, and if so, which situations? I've no problem about shaking hands, and I'm often OK about a controlled hug if it's to say hello or goodbye and if it's socially appropriate, at least with the right people. Rarely, I might put my hand on a person's shoulder to comfort them and I'd usually allow them to do that for me, again if the context is right (i.e. if there's something to be comforted about). Rarely, I might touch a person's shoulder to congratulate them about something, and I'd be fairly likely to allow them to do that for me.
Why is it that some people who are adverse to touch don't seem to mind touching inanimate objects, such as chairs, beds, etc or touching themselves, but have similar sensory processing problems with clothing textures and pressures? It's pretty much impossible to tickle yourself, and I think the answer is related to that:

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/i ... ion511.htm

I'm often very sensitive to clothing or bed-linen brushing unexpectedly and lightly against me, you could say that it tickles in some sense of the word (though it's not the kind of tickling that would cause laughter, it's more like an irritation), or it starts off an itch, and I'm very sensitive to itching. Strangely, I never used to dislike being tickled when I was a child and when I was a teenager. It's not happened since, so I don't know how I'd react now.

My partner used to try to touch me firmly (as a friendly reassurance kind of thing) because Aspies are supposed to find that easier to cope with than light tickly touching, but it didn't work because she did it rather unexpectedly and I felt as if I was being pushed over, it would threaten my balance.

For me, it depends on who and why. I don't like it, but if there is a justifiable reason for touching, then I am more likely to capitulate. Someone has to let me know that they are about to do it and why. I don't like touching people, so I guess the aversion is similar for me.

I am not really sure how to answer this so I will go with examples:

I don't like when my mom hugs me because it put me in uncomfortable position(like I am about to lose my balance) and I feel trapped because she won't let me go.
I like when I sit down next to my mom and she rounds her arm around me. It is comfortable and warm.

I don't like when dad suddenly touches me when I walk past him. I especially dislike when he pats my butt. It makes me angry. I am busy walking and I am not his thing.
I like when I am sad or cold and I come to dat so he can hug me. It feels comforting. I also like when he massages me. Although he rarely does it now - he says I am too old and I should find a boyfriend to massage me.

I don't like hugging my best friend now - same reason as with mom hugs, except she lets me go faster.
I liked hugging her when I was in love with her - it gave me a warm feeling, like my whole body was soft and accommodating to her body shape.

When I was young I was jumping away and becoming aggressive when someone touched me.
But one of my friends was not bothered by it and touched me a lot. And one night I let him touch me(no matter how it sounds it wasn't anything erotic). It was middle of night and we had to wait till 4am for a train. I was just too sleepy to struggle. His hands didn't feel bad when he massaged my back. But when he made me use his knees as my back support(I sat on floor, he sat on chair behind me) it was uncomfortable, his knees were hurting my ribs. And when we switched places I instantly told him I hate it - he was too heavy.

If a stranger suddenly touches me at shop I get a little anxious at first but upon realizing it was just accidental touch I just communicatively smile, expressing "nothing happend, it's OK". Or in case the person that touched me doesn't look at me, waiting for my reaction but walks away as if nothing happened I will check if my bag and phone are alright. Because pickpocketers can use "accidental touch" to steal something from you.

And if a classmate or something like this touches me... it depends who it is and how the touch goes. Usually its like with strangers - short anxiety, then realization why I was touched. Touch not too pleasant but not lasting long so not worth mulling over. However there were some people that made me feel something like electricity. And it wasn't static discharge. I guess it was the "chemistry" you hear in romance novels about. Perhaps I wasn't aware I like them?

If it's someone I know well and have a history of physical contact with, I'm OK with hugging and touching as long as it's not a surprise. I'm much more comfortable if I initiate it. I also have to be in the right mood for it—sometimes even a small touch when I'm not in the mood causes intense anxiety. I can't handle tickling or any excessive touch—I tend to melt down and reflexively hit anyone who tickles me. If it's someone I know but am not accustomed to hugging, I can handle it, but it's still very uncomfortable. With strangers, even shaking hands feels disgusting.

Interesting responses here.
I ask because I seem to be somewhat opposite to normal autistic response, such as it is. I am much more uncomfortable being touched by people I know - I don't even want them in close proximity to me. I absolutely cannot handle being touched by relatives, but I can put up with the occasional handshake by a stranger, or someone accidentally contacting me in a train or bus, though I still strongly dislike it.
I dislike touching others, but I think perhaps I could push this, as I am thinking about training for a job in the future that will involve touch, but I'm unsure. I thought maybe it would be ok if I am initiating the touch, and I have prepared for it and am expecting it. I absolutely hate others touching me without permission. I cannot abide hugging, or any kind of sustained touch like massage is just hellish for me and I cannot stand it.
I also seem to get periods of extreme skin sensitivity, usually when I get sick (colds/flu/viral) and even touching inanimate things like chairs hurts me. Others who have some experience with me tend to touch me on the top of my head, where my hair provides some barrier, and though I don't like this I can tolerate it as a kind of compromise - I understand the importance of touch for others and understand that they are not violating my space by touching my body, so this is between both our camps.
I don't know if I want to try to change this or not. I even saw a button recently that read "I am autistic, please do not touch me" and that seemed to align to how I perceive.