I think I might have ASD...

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So, I've been all over the internet finding anything and everything I can about ASD for a few months, and I still don't know whether I have it or not.
I've had friends when I was younger, but once I stop seeing them on a daily basis they end up not being my friends anymore. I used to go to a day care after school (offered at the school) and most of my friends came from there so I was with them for 6 years straight, during the summer and school year. Once I went to middle school, those friends were gone, but I still had friends I made from my elementary school classes that went to the same middle school and ended up in the same (almost exact) classes for 2 years of middle school. I knew these people since 4th grade because the way my school worked (even if they didn't mean it to) I ended up in the "smartest" classroom in 4th grade and stayed in the "smartest" classrooms for 5th and 6th grade and so did most of my friends. Then in middle school I was part of an Honors Academy program so again I got to stay with my friends for another 2 years. In high school, most of my friends went away again, and I pretty much had to start over, but I decided to join the basketball team and because I saw them on a daily basis and even during the summer, I made new friends. But when I stopped senior year, I was alone again. So right now I'm finishing up my first quarter of college at UC Santa Cruz and I've kinda noticed the pattern I've had all my life when it comes to friends and I'm kinda worried. Right now my friends are my roommates and my next door neighbors (in the dorms), and I have a feeling that once the school year ends and we aren't roommates anymore (unless we decide to room together again next year, but I don't feel like I'm close enough friends with them to talk about that...) we won't be friends anymore and I'll have to start over.

That's my current predicament. So I started to think about why things turn out that way. I realized that maybe its my fault for not calling them and keeping in contact. But then I even if I did call them, I wouldn't really have anything to talk about, I didn't really talk much when I was in contact with them on a daily basis. Then I start wondering if the "friends" I had were really friends or were they just "acquaintances", maybe a little more than that but I wasn't really invited to parties or anything when I was younger. I did have one friends that I thought of as my best friends since fourth grade (so like 9 years), but now that we don't see each other everyday (don't go to the same school anymore), we don't talk. When I think about how easily that friendship was lost... I don't know. And when I think about calling her, again I have no idea what to talk about. I also think I've developed social anxiety since starting college so that doesn't help at all. I also realized that I don't start conversations, I don't speak unless someone is specifically talking to me, and I have a really hard time continuing conversations, or even realizing that someone wants to have a conversation with me. A lot of people ask me "How are you?" or "How's your day been?" and I just reply "I'm good" because I don't know if they really want to have a conversation or they're just being polite. I remember just a few weeks ago going to the dining hall to eat and running into my RA and he asked "How are you?" and I decided to say a little more than just "good" and remembered (for once) to ask how he was, to which he replied "I'm great! Just doing... What have you been up to?" My thoughts:ok another question. hurry up and answer give an answer "Nothing. Just binge watching Smallville all day on my bed." ok good job "Oh Farmville. That game's cool" game?? there's a game (I thought he said smallville, not Farmville). wait I was talking about the show why is he talking about the game. wait wait I have to say something back
And that's pretty much how it went in my head. It felt like I was taking a timed quiz with one second for each response. And at the same time I had to remember to smile and look at his face. It was extremely stressful but I felt really good at the end because I "passed the quiz " We finished the conversation and said bye and I was so happy. It's even harder because I tend to lose interest in what people are saying and tend to zone out when I can, but then I make myself listen because I want to be a good friend, but then by the time I try to listen in on the conversation the topic already changed and I have to spend a few minutes just trying to catch up. And during that time I just smile and laugh when other people are laughing and try to add something that relates to what everyone else is talking about and I have to try to say it before the topic changes slightly and suddenly what I have to say isn't related anymore and I would feel awkward saying it, and its exhausting. But there are some times when I can join in every once in a while effortlessly and I start thinking that I'm overreacting and I can't have ASD.

My parents say I'm not an emotional person but I'm very sensitive to other people's emotions. When I feel tension in the room I want to hide in a corner, and when someone is crying or getting yelled at, I start crying. My mom would yell at my sister and I would be the one crying even if my sister wasn't. I don't talk about my emotions and I feel like I don't even notice my emotions most of the time. Or I don't really think about them. Sometimes I would just be upset and I wouldn't know why. Like I know there's something bothering me but I don't even know why. I try to figure these things out like its a puzzle and when I hit the mark I start crying so I know that's what is bothering me but then I start thinking why does it bother me and I get stuck and frustrated again. I also feel like my emotions are muted compared to others, and I can't understand peoples' extreme (at least to me) reactions to things.

Since I've started college I notice that I stim a lot. I bite my fingers (not hard), I twirl my hood... laces? (the ones on jackets that tighten your hood... I don't know what they're called) usually in a figure eight pattern and when I'm not wearing a jacket I sort of do the same thing to my shirt. When I'm laying down on the floor I kick my feet a lot, really fast, and sort of move back and forth. I'm not sure if those count as repetitive movement.

I can't think of any strange obsessions I've had with a specific thing like with airplanes where I would read every single thing about airplanes and make airplanes and buy model planes and only focus on airplanes. I can't think of anything that I would go that deep into. I did have an obsession with rocks when I was younger, but I wouldn't look up every single type of rock and memorize things about it or anything. I just loved collecting a lot and buying a lot of them and looking and playing with them. So I'm not sure if that counts. I also remember being extremely obsessed with anime to the point my parents were worried and told me to stop and then I got extremely upset but would watch it anyways but would close the computer window every time my parents came near. And I also had (have. just haven't been playing video games recently, cause college) this hyperfocus when it came to playing video games and I'd sit there for hours (7 or just playing video games and wouldn't notice anything that went on in the house.

I don't think I have a ritual or inflexible routine. Or I might but I'm not sure if they count. Like I organize the pillows on my bed a certain way when I go to sleep. One goes this way -- and the other goes this way | (-- |) so they fit on my bed, and I set it up that way every night. But I'm not sure if that counts because I don't know if its inflexible or if it would bother me if I changed it because I never had to change it. But then I wouldn't know any other way to set it up. And maybe it's too small to count as a ritual or routine...

I can probably think of a little more but I feel like it's getting too long. Sometimes I feel like I'm making it up, or I'm somehow faking it because I've been reading so much about it. Or maybe it's something everyone does or feels to some degree and I'm overthinking it, and then I start to feel stupid for even thinking that I might be aspie. I feel like I'm reading too much into my experiences and worried that I'm subconsciously twisting details to fit the symptoms for ASD. It also doesn't help that I've been thinking about these things for the past week because I made an appointment with a psychologist/professor that has an interest in autism for tomorrow. And that every time I brought it up with my parents they seemed convinced I didn't have ASD because I didn't follow the textbook symptoms of autism that shows up during very early childhood, despite my mom saying that I was always able to entertain myself when I was a baby, which sounds like I tended to play by myself but I didn't want to push them, because I swear I could feel a little tension every time I brought it up (which is weird because they always seemed open-minded about everything) and it made me extremely uncomfortable to talk about it ever.

I just wanted to know what you guys think...

Hi...I PM you yesterday....but I guess you didn't received that either... doesn't it make you wished that ASD was just as simple as being homosexual... I mean if you like sexual relationships with the same sex..you're definitely gay..right..? I can relate with a few of your symptoms like the social awkwardness...and believe it or not your hypersensitivity to social cues if I read your story correctly because to be honest it was rather long... I didn't know when it started..my sensitivity to social cues that is but I think I developed it unconsciously so that I can have a better perspective of the situation and therefore plan ahead for an up an coming social interaction... So I think this is what you're doing...or maybe your just an empath...I don't know..and as for routines...I didn't notice any routines till I had some form of control over my time and environment...and it was not inflexible either...my common routine would be food items..like I would order the same kind of food everyday...but again I try to deviate from that routine once in a while..its not like I would go crazy if I cannot eat I same food everyday..I just thinks its simpler not having to decide what to eat everyday...and as for special interests...the thing that always brings my research back to ASD or ADHD has always been special interests... But everybody's different when it come to this so if I were you I'll ask some veterans as to what constitutes for special interests....the most prominent symptoms of AS usually appears in childhood at least that is in my case but I've outgrown most of them...the only thing that remains is the social problems and special interests... The other symptoms only reappear during high levels of stress ....but I'm still not convinced if I have it or not...lurking on the forum does give you some insights on what to do next...just be patient you're still young...live life...I really wished I could pm this kinds of messages...