Aunt's frustration with parents lack of support

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Judyo
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 13 Dec 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1

13 Dec 2016, 7:32 am

My 16 y.o. niece is an Aspie getting ready to graduate h.s. I've been frustrated my whole life with her parent's lack of involvement/support for this girl. Outside of school services (little to none) her parent's haven't even looked online to find out info to support her.

This girl has no friends or social outlets. It pains me so much to see her growing up like this. She's beautiful, very intelligent and high functioning. It all finally came to a head when I researched and gave my sister info about the local Aspen branch, a social integration group and other info regarding transitioning to college.

My sister, in her vast wisdom, has decided that her daughter should become a dental hygienist. Why? Because she thinks it's a well-paying field and training could be completed in a relatively short period of time. She's convinced her daughter this is the way to go. Truth be told, my sister doesn't want to spend ONE DIME on support, therapy or otherwise. What happened to taking a few courses at the local community college to see what you like, how you do, and better socially adjust? Testing/evaluation for college and four years of school is something she doesn't want to be bothered with. Nor does she want to spend a cent on therapy, going to meetings or facilitating relationships to help her daughter. Keep in mind she and her husband earn a combined $200k/yr.

It all came to a head and a big blow out the other day. When I presented her with this info I had researched and expressed my concerns, she screamed, yelled and walked out. "How dare I tell her how to raise her child!" Her self-centered husband feels the same way. Needless to say, wer're not speaking.

It's very hard to sit by and watch this girl suffer on the sidelines. She should have been getting help (outside of what school provides) since she was about six years old. This is a bit of a vent, but any input/suggestions for a concerned aunt would be most appreciated.



somanyspoons
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 3 Jun 2016
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 995

13 Dec 2016, 1:19 pm

You gotta back out of that before you ruin your relationship with your niece. If you really are the only one who believes in her, this is double true. She needs you. And in a few years, when she's a little separate from her parents, she's going to need a little bee in her ear telling her that she can go back to college and that she can succeed.

There's this myth out there that autism is this really high needs, emergency disorder and that we can "beat it" if we spend 40 hours a week drilling the child. Well, a lot of adults are coming back and saying "sorry, but that was an AWFUL way to grow up." So, you really can't know what her parents were thinking. Maybe they were protecting her from the stress of all those interventions.