Intense Paranoia

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Any of you feel this? Like an intense and always pervasive paranoia. I know I have AS and I have severe Pure-OCD (or just OD) because my Drs diagnosed me with those at a very young age but I'm wondering if I may have a personality disorder. Of course I wouldn't know, or in the case of most of them, care. My thoughts don't make sense to me both logically and emotionally but they happen on their own, this is an example of one:

I've always thought there were hidden motives behind others. That they want to attack and hurt me, and are going to turn around and kill me, or if not manipulate till they can lock me up somewhere and no one would come to help. I feel like every act of socialization anyone ever does is secretly manipulation and they're trying to infect my mind with some weird mental games. Essentially: Everyone is evil but me, because I am the only person who doesn't harbor bad thoughts towards others and everyone is truly a hidden sociopath, I'm just one in a trillion who was born in a sociopathic world and I need to go hide some where in mountains or else my mind will be infected and when they find out I will be destroyed by their decimating mind welding techniques.

As odd as that sounds, it kind of takes over my mind. I know it's not logical, but when you're tired, you run out of the will to see the world in a rational lens.

What you're describing is very similar to how I feel. It makes it so hard for me to trust anybody. I suppose the difference is, I have so much self doubt that sometimes I infact wonder if I'm one of those manipulating people and everybody else is ok. So essentially I go through the same thing but I go through phases where I feel like it's the reverse. I think this reaction, especially in response to traumas past and present, is completely normal. You can't hide from the fact we live in a crappy world and that really hurts.

It's very easy to be consumed by that feeling, especially in times like these where there's so much social tension you feel like every other person is out to get you. I doubt my friendships literally all the time, and sometimes it does get so bad that I'm worried somebody is going to try and kill me. You're certainly not alone in feeling this, and I feel like alot of people (especially people very aware of human nature, which I suppose we aspies are) can relate to this in a way - but I think when it's at an extreme level like this, it's crippling because you never really trust anybody, sometimes even people you've known for years. In a way I suppose it's a good thing because it keeps us on our toes and protects us from manipulative or abusive people, but at the same time I wish I had a way of shutting it off because it gets to be too much at the best of times.

Have you considered whether it might to be PTSD? that includes expectation of attack. I suffered that for decades. And I got that way because people did attack, in school and before. Did you get bullied a lot? I suggest this because there are helps for PTSD and therapists can be helpful with it.

Thanks for relatable responses.

I was bullied a BIT, but then I feel like crap because other people endure so much more. I've lived with extreme hyper-sensitivity all my life. Like someone tells me to shut up and I'm instantly no longer their friend. Some of the nicest people have become some of the nastiest by disagreeing with me for an instant, but I am hesitant to call myself a narcissist because I'm aware of the stupidity of the situation, and I know that it's my fault and I need to get my f*****g s**t together and stop being a spineless coward.

I apologize if my constant self destruction is annoying to others, it probably is. I guess the more I put out the better it will be in the long run, like catharsis.

In my opinion it's not helpful for you to be so cruel to yourself and insist it's all a simple matter of "getting my f*****g s**t together and stop being a spineless coward."
All that does is heap more cruelty on you. I used to be very strongly inclined this way, very hard on myself, and it just is not sustainable in my experience, and actually does not help you to change.
A gentler approach to emotional involvement in stimulus and a better understanding of the reasons why you are this way, and what you can do to change your behaviour kindly, may be more helpful. Why are you hyper-sensitive? Why would a friend turn into an enemy for you just for disagreeing? What do you feel when this happens - and how else may you choose to feel? Behaviour can be highly malleable. Just because you have a tendency to be sensitive doesn't mean you can't learn to be another way. Hopefully, in a way that doesn't necessitate being so down on yourself all the time. You can be kind to yourself without being weak.

I have dealt with acute paranoia for half my life, it came alongside every other thing that seriously affected my state of mind since hitting puberty, but usually appears in the form of extreme social anxiety. The sensation of people's eyes boring into the back of my head when outside is utterly pervasive. It doesn't become a question of 'is this thought real or not?', the feeling escalates very quickly, the more people I see. Over time, I learned to take steps to reduce this internal panicking before it begins: it's so much harder to reduce paranoid thinking when it's already gotten underway.
I try to focus on things other than people while being conscientious of road safety, such as the decorative plants in people's gardens (I can name most of the species I see!) but more importantly regulate my breathing, a harder technique than it sounds, but the core of it is to try and match the length of your inhalations with your exhalations: it does reduce my physical symptoms like a racing heart if I'm getting panicky. I do this almost by default when in crowded areas, but it can sometimes reduce one's ability to take notice of things, so there's limitations to it's overall usefulness.