Close to burnout

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Long post here.

I feel like I might be going through a sort of "regression" right now though not really a full blown burnout. The past few years I've become a lot more outgoing and verbal comparatively speaking. I've been more independent and I've made some friends but at the same time it feels very unnatural. I feel like if I kept this up for much longer, I would have a bad burnout. I think the only reason I've been able to cope is because its only been in short bursts with plenty of time for my special interests in between.

Lately I've come to the conclusion that I've been putting too much effort into things which don't come naturally to me. As a result I haven't been speaking as much or focusing on eye contact and my stims have become a lot more noticeable. My problem is that because of these things which I can somewhat control I feel like my other problems which I cannot control such as my terrible executive function, memory, general wierdness etc. are being highlighted. I have had lots of help from people who help disabled people but a lot of people still don't seem to get that I'm really not as functional internally as I can appear externally even though its pretty obvious to others that I have some sort of mental disability.

I'm really contemplating just letting myself fall back into my natural autistic habits which I've been ignoring for a couple years thanks to other people who just don't understand. Whenever I express something genuinely autistic, they look at me with some mixture of worry and irritation. They get angry when I cant do something very simple like choosing what to eat for breakfast but I can do other things like hold a conversation. They act worried when I can't speak or I stim in a way that's more noticeable instead of just shaking my legs or tapping my fingers.

Being out of school now people seem to expect me to be completely self sufficient when even in school I just barely passed with lots of extra help from special ed teachers and aids.

I was just wondering if anyone had similar experiences or had any advice.

I am currently going through a burnout, not a full on one but one that i feel, is getting worse.

I am still in school and am struggling with some of the same issues as you.

I rarely put effort into eye contact normally but i sometimes make the effort, if i am talking with someone important, like the principal for example.

I think I started to go through one when I was in school as well. Luckily it calmed down a bit for a while. How have other people reacted to you going through a burnout?

It's a tough road. Lots of peaks and valleys, like my occupational therapist says. I've regressed before, but recovered and maybe stronger afterwards. The problem with progressing through or around autism like you say, is going against nature, and that takes a heavy toll. I think my worst has been speech therapy. I have crashed and burned so many times with that.

Yeah speech can be a doozy. I haven't really needed speech therapy since I was a child but I remember when I was in middle school I barely spoke to anyone outside of my family or my aid at school and maybe one or two friends. At one point I distinctly remember hiding beneath a desk rather than answer a question during class.

These days I can probably handle a short conversation with most people but as I've said its really becoming difficult. Part of me fears that I will go back to one or two word responses and the other part likes the idea.