How do I get this person to mind their own business?

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I have a math tutor that comes every week to help me get ready for the GED and ACT/SAT. I want to be a zoo vet, but she insists that will take too long and cost too much and that I should focus on being a veterinary technician. I've been hearing this from other people for years. But people who actually know what they are talking about say a veterinarian and a veterinary technician are two entirely different fields. Becoming a zoo vet is my special interest and the only reason I am even trying to get my GED...possibly why I haven't commuted suicide already. If I somehow knew I could never be one, I'd probably commit suicide on the spot. Trying to talk me out of being a vet and into being a technician only makes me angry and depressed. I asked my mom what I should do about the tutor when she brings it up, and she said I shouldn't tell her what she can and can't say. So, if someone is making me feel angry, I should continue to let them? This is kinda odd coming from my mom who had no problems telling me to shut up about my special interests all the time. Anyway, what should I do? When it comes to math this woman is wonderful. Should I go ahead and tell her to shut up anyway? How can I do it without being rude? I think it's a six year residency after traditional vet school to be a zoo vet but nothing ventured, nothing gained? How do I get this woman to mind her own business about this without coming across as rude?

Tell her that you don't want to discuss your ling-term aspirations and want to concentrate on your exam preparations.

"So, if someone is making me feel angry, I should continue to let them?"

I want to eat you know a secret. Right now, you see two options:
•hear a thing and feel *terrible*
•somehow stop the thing from happening and feel better

But, the truth is YOU are in charge of how you feel. Above, in your question, you imply (and probably believe) that other people are the cause of your anger. That's not 100% accurate.

I've studied Non-Violent Communication (NVC) (which you might find enlightening when and if you do decide to confront this person...there is a "stencil" one can use that often helps communicate more effectively). Anyway, in NVC, Marshal Rosenberg explains three levels of awareness:
1) Believing that people *cause* other people to experience emotions
2) Realizing that each person is in charge of his/her own emotions (people in this stage often go through an a$$hole stage where they do what they want because they understand other people are in charge of their own emotions)
3) Realizing that each person is in charge of his/her own emotions but WANTING to make the process as easy for everyone as possible

So, you'd be in that stage one. If you move to stage two, you won't be in pain. If stage two is repulsive to you...try to move quickly through it to stage three.

1) This person already knows now that you want to be a zoo vet. So to my mind, there's really no need for either you or her to mention the topic again. If you bring it up, then you're making it the other person's business and seemingly inviting them to comment. If this person brings it up, you can politely steer the conversation back to where it should be ... on your math lesson, and preparing you for your tests (GED and ACT/SAT).

2) Another thing you can do if this person brings up the topic of your career choice is simply smile and politely say, "Thank you for your opinion." And then get back to business ... math, and preparing for the GED, ACT, and SAT tests.

My two cents?

Your tutor is obviously gifted in math, and uses her talent in the freely-chosen profession of math tutor. You feel called towards being a zoo veterinarian. Now I don't know you personally so I don't know your aptitude, but you know what? Someone's gotta be a zoo veterinarian ... why not you? I wish you the best of luck in following your dreams and turning them into a reality.

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I have a math tutor that comes every week to help me get ready for the GED and ACT/SAT. I want to be a zoo vet, but she insists that will take too long and cost too much and that I should focus on being a veterinary technician. I've been hearing this from other people for years. But people who actually know what they are talking about say a veterinarian and a veterinary technician are two entirely different fields. Becoming a zoo vet is my special interest and the only reason I am even trying to get my GED...possibly why I haven't commuted suicide already. If I somehow knew I could never be one, I'd probably commit suicide on the spot. Trying to talk me out of being a vet and into being a technician only makes me angry and depressed. I asked my mom what I should do about the tutor when she brings it up, and she said I shouldn't tell her what she can and can't say. So, if someone is making me feel angry, I should continue to let them? This is kinda odd coming from my mom who had no problems telling me to shut up about my special interests all the time. Anyway, what should I do? When it comes to math this woman is wonderful. Should I go ahead and tell her to shut up anyway? How can I do it without being rude? I think it's a six year residency after traditional vet school to be a zoo vet but nothing ventured, nothing gained? How do I get this woman to mind her own business about this without coming across as rude?

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tell her that during the time you hired her to tutor you, you only want to work on the GED/ACT/SAT. if she wants to discuss your job goals, she can write you an e-mail.

if she continues to discuss your job goals, during the time you paid for her to work on the GED/ACT/SAT, then fire her. get another tutor. maybe she is a great tutor. but there are plenty of other great tutors.

having said that, you have to balance being idealistic (going after your dreams) and being practical.

you have to make an informed decision, based on incomplete evidence, what school to go to, which degree to get, and what to major in.

when you make that decision, only you take on the consequences (student loans, opportunity costs, sunk costs, time, energy). so only you can make that decision.

Whenever she brings up your career aspirations, switch the topic to whatever mathematic problem you are working on. If it doesn't work, just tell her it's really important to you that you succeed at mathematics.

I thought about your post in depth today. While I am not trying to overstep bounds, I feel a moral obligation to tell my story:

when I was in French 3, 10th grade, the teacher told me that I violated mandated reporter protocol, by writing (in French, for a homework assignment), about physical violence. my punishment was that I had to go to 3 counseling sessions with 2 total different counselors. the first one of them had the nerve to tell me that the reasons why junior high school rodents bullied me was b/c they were jealous that I did better at school than them, and "if you work hard, you can be whatever you wanna be when you grow up!".

when she told me, I felt a bit insulted and annoyed, b/c she acted like I was naïve enough to believe that.

however, upon closer inspection, it made me wonder if her job description told her to make that statement to every client. likewise, when I worked at a campaign, I had to dial phone numbers and read a script. the supervisor told me I was talking too monotonously and use more vocal inflection.

in other words, maybe that woman told me what she told me, not b/c she believed it or b/c she wanted me to believe it. but b/c it was her job to tell me, and if she were not to have told me, then she would've gotten fired.



anyways, not everyone can "be whatever you wanna be when you grow up", just b/c they worked hard. there are numerous legal, financial, academic, medical, and social reasons why someone can't just be whatever you wanna be when you grow up. some of those reasons are in the subject's control. some reasons are outside their control.

for instance, if someone wants to be a professional basketball player but was born blind, then that would be much harder than if someone was not blind. (medical)

if someone gets framed for a crime and wrongfully sent to jail, then he can't be whatever you wanna be when you grow up. (legal)

if someone does not have enough $$ to go to school, someone can't get a job that requires school. (financial).

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my cousin got a BS in Aerospace Engineering. about 10 years ago. unemployed and underemployed since.

someone told me that he got a Masters in Math. then he was a tenured instructor at community college. then a software engineer @ Oracle. for 17 years. then his whole division got laid off. he went to work at Trader Joes for one year. stocking shelves. 14 dollars an hour. then he got a job at Sylvan Learning Center as a precalculus tutor. 15 dollars an hour.

in other words, just b/c someone finishes all the academic requirements for the job, that does not necessarily follow that someone will get a job in that field.

and, if and when someone gets a job in the field, someone could still get fired, laid off. or something could happen that prevents him from working there.

when you said

"If I somehow knew I could never be one, I'd probably commit suicide on the spot.", that, (in my humble opinion), sounds a tad bit drastic.

plenty of people in the world work at jobs they do not want. but they still make the most of their situation.

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in school, teachers claim that if you work hard you can be whatever you wanna be when you grow up. in undergrad, the school claims you should choose the major you like and worry about a job later. but, of course, the school is a business. the school has to make money too. the school knows full well that there are a lot of jobs that do not translate neatly into jobs. and students with some majors often have a hard time finding work.

but it ain't the school's job to get the student a job.
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likewise, a Plan B could help. b/c one career plan might not work out. for whatever reason. but that does not necessarily follow you can't be happy.