Are your issues constantly misinterpreted?

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It seems no matter how often I explain my problems to people, they persist in translating them into a neurotypical experience. If I tell someone that I don't want to be touched or have my things used, they assume that I'm a germaphobe. If I don't want to be in a room full of people, they insist that I have social anxiety, even if I explain in detail that I have sensory issues. If I don't want to eat, they think I'm worried about my weight. This drives me crazy! It seems that no matter how hard I try to make my experience understandable to the average person, they will ignore, forget, or simply misunderstand entirely. It feels like everyone around me is extremely thick, but I know that some of these people are very intelligent. They just don't seem capable of comprehending problems that exist outside their own experience. And then they say that I lack empathy. Is this a common problem among Aspies, or am I just not explaining correctly?

I can relate. They either do this, or just do not understand at all why I would need things to be a certain way.

For example, yesterday a friend couldn't really understand why I didn't want to sit at the street tables of a cafe we went to, but instead wanted us to get our beverages "to go" and make our way to a nearby green park to sit there and chat instead, further away from the busy flow of traffic.

I told him quite openly that I didn't like traffic noise and I find it hard to have a conversation in it. I said right out that it's too noisy there. But he even "forgot" I'd said that ten minutes before, and started to sit down at the street tables. I had to tell him again lets go to the park up there because I can't talk with the noise of the street.

He just seemed puzzled. This is the same person who can't wrap his head around why I can't talk and have loud music at the same time . . . . .

He's NT.

NTs can't seem to understand how I can't focus on a conversation in loud background noise, yet I can't understand how it is that NTs can.

I've had that happen to me, too.

Nope...people who are not on the Spectrum can't really comprehend these sorts of things.

Yes, I think it is a common problem, and can be, incredibly, frustrating, particularly, when trying to explain, and, the person persists with their views or diagnosis, and opinions of how they believe I should manage my difficulties. I try not to allow other's interpretations, lack of knowledge, or, their assumptions/ judgments to get the best of me, these days, because, I have learned how much negative energy is spent on such things. If, after I explain what is actually taking place, and the person persists, I remind myself that their thoughts and assumptions are theirs, and are out of my power, and what really matters is that I know myself, and, if they wish to get to know me, better, they will contemplate what I explain, show a desire in wanting to understand me a bit better. If they wish to continue with their incorrect perceptions, or, possible projections, well, then, so be it. Their views and opinions are out of my power.

I admire your willingness to be open with people about sensory and other autistic challenges. In the face of being almost universally misunderstood, even by well-intentioned folks like therapists, I’ve gotten to where I translate my issues into things that NTs can understand. So if a social situation would clearly be overwhelming, I’ll say I’m not feeling well. When there’s a group photo or some event in the bright sun and I know it’s going to fry me visually and bake me temperature-wise, I’ll say I’m having a headache and need to sit inside instead. It’s a lot easier than saying I have a sensory issue or that I have a strong phobia – when I’ve said those things directly I’ve had people think I’m actually making excuses and sometimes really get pushy or try to minimize my problem. But the way I make up NT-acceptable issues in place of what’s really going on isn’t genuine and it feels phony to me. It’s part of why I’ve withdrawn from other people – it’s a lot of work pretending not to be autistic and to have “normal” issues that folks understand. I hope I can start to be more open with people about what really goes on with me, as you’re doing.

EyeDash, those altered reasons, such as "I don't feel well," can work well I think. I've thought about using those more too, because they really do provoke far less argument than an honest explanation for actual sensory issues or emotional overwhelm.

It's unfortunate that we have to basically tell lies -- because yes these are "phony" things to have to say. But sadly we are going to be far less judged for something like not being able to attend something we know we can't handle, by saying "I'm not well physically/cold/flu/headache/feeling sick" than saying something like "I have been emotionally overwhelmed this week and I feel I'm approaching an autistic meltdown" . . .

It's very sad that we can't just explain real reasons and get understanding instead of an argument. But sometimes I think saying "I don't feel well" gets us the instant understanding we need, far more than the truth.

In a sense, however . . . saying "I don't feel well" is actually the truth! Because, when you're having a sensory crisis or nearing a shutdown or meltdown, that's "not feeling well" too!

In general, I believe people will be more empathetic if you say you have a physical problem, such as a cold, headache, or a pain in a specific part of your body than if you have an emotional difficulty. People in general tend to be impatient with emotions.

In my experience, that has always been the case too, sadly I have seizures sometimes and people are more sympathetic when I have one of those than when I have a shutdown or a meltdown.

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not only that but some precious lil "people" act like mental illness is a choice and a felony. just like pedophila. oh wait. pedophila is a mental illness.

autism is a developmental disability.

A previous psychologist who I never really got along with was always keen to bring attention to my childhood experiences more so than my adulthood experiences: aka, what's currently going on in my life. Her particular brand of therapy seemed fixated upon me being who I am because of some past traumatic incidents experienced as a child. Of course I know better than she ever will they certainly didn't help, maybe created the original seed of depression and anxiety... but she never once mentioned autism, nor the source of the re-current issues I find attempting to find order in everyday life.
My current psychologist, an autism specialist, had no doubt at all I was on the spectrum. I guess it goes to show what a mix and match therapy can be, some people can't interpret properly because they're so busy clinging to the easiest possible explanation for another's differences.

My mom assumes I am anxious when I don't feel like being with people or interacting. She also assumes I am worried what people think just because I don't know if someone's look on their face was disgust or annoyance or just nothing. When I am int my interests, she assumes I am having anxiety. It annoys me. Why must everything be anxiety?

I don't really try to explain anything to other people because I don't like to talk about my problems and I feel like I am whining. People will think I am trying to make excuses anyway. I couldn't get my mother to understand about my dad getting the mail and just throwing it in a pile and why I can't just remember to look in it every time the mail comes. I tried to explain to her how we always kept our mail in a certain spot but my dad just throws it and doesn't tell us about it and we are expected to know? Also if they don't bother leaving it where we can easily see it. I also tried to tell her how hard it is for me to learn something I am not interested in and she goes 'Oh I have that problem too" and also telling me "Oh I have had writer's blocks in my school assignments so I just do...." and then she would tell me what she does making it sound so easy and I then feel so lazy and that I am not even trying. But she is NT so she wouldn't know what she is talking about and it's hard to explain your issues to "normal" people who don't share your problem.

The eating thing, oh yes that happens to everybody. If you count calories, cut out sweets and drinks, measure your food, workout, skip a meal, people think you have an eating disorder or worried about your weight.

Yes, NTs can't always related to our problems. I have skin sensitivities, and can't stand loud noises, and certain kinds of noises. I also have extremely light sensitive eyes, which have gotten more sensitive as I have gotten older. One of my skin sensitivities--to pet hair or my own molted hair getting into my clothes has also gotten worse over the years. I would dearly love to have a pet again, but can no longer handle the pet hair. My other health issues and my finances also prevent me from having a pet again, but relatives still try to talk me into getting a pet again. I can't stand the constant itching, and with my bad knees I can no longer walk a dog. Since I live in a trailer park I can't have a fenced in yard for a dog to run around in, either, so no dog. I like cats too, and had one briefly, but she wouldn't stay off the counter or the kitchen table, and was often knocking things off my book shelf, for fun. With bad knees and a bad back, it's hard for me to bend over to pick stuff up off the floor to put it back on the shelves. Also, the cat often wanted to play rough, and I have very thin skin, so I had to keep discouraging her from that. I tried to find her a new home, but there were no takers, so I finally had to take her to the local shelter. I just can't handle having a pet anymore.

Reptile pets and fish just aren't my idea of a pet, so they are no use, and birds are too noisy, so no bird pets. Maybe I can find a cuddly looking rock somewhere, for a pet rock.

Questor, pigeons make wonderful house birds that aren't noisy -- the most noise you get is a gentle cooing, they're intelligent, trainable and very sweet-natured. It's best to have two (two females if you don't want babies, but two males will fight) so that they won't feel lonely for their own kind, but they also bond well with a caring human.

If you google "rescue pigeons" it should bring up lots of sites of rescue and rehab places.

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yeah i get anxious a lot too.

and almost all the time, do not feel like interacting with anyone.

the problem is that someone might appear nice, but every situation is different. and if you know how someone responded in one situation, you do not know what someone will respond in any other situation.

likewise, some precious lil "people" act like the care and all that #$$%, but then it turned out they were homophobic or something like that. other precious lil "people" have the attitude that they are so important, awesome, and morally innocent.

words can't phrase some things.

some things, words can phrase, but i do not know how to phrase them.

some precious lil "people" put on a facade like they "care" and they are listening but they do neither one.

some precious lil "people" are not receptive, or do not believe what i say or do not understand.

and, if they are receptive, understand, and believe it, then what? then whooptie do. they have no authority to do anything to change it. the majority of the time.

and if they misunderstand it, they act like they understood it, and they act like i personally insulted them. then they act like they are morally justified at retaliating.

yeah and it's so hard to imagine someone else's perspective. i ain't psychic or telepathic.

a lot of self-important precious lil "people" had the nerve to make remarks about what i was eating and how i ate it.

that was annoying.

sometimes it's easier just to not interact with anyone.

there is no law that says you have to interact with someone. noone is hiring me to interact with someone, right now. noone is holding a gun to my head and demanding that i interact with someone.

legally mandated, extortion, bribery.

so why interact with someone?

Cost Benefit Analysis

besides, even when i carefully communicate as well as (i perceive that) i can, how often do precious lil "people" have the nerve to grunt "huh" and "wat?" @ me. they acted like i was bothering them.

precious lil "people" make me wanna puke.