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Hi everyone,
My name is Charles, and I am an undiagnosed Aspie. A person mentioned this to me about a year ago, and after floundering around with sobriety my head cleared up long enough for me to acknowledge there was something else about me, which I needed to consider. Asperger's has been a true fit for me with everything that I have researched, read, and have easily related to over the past month. In those clarifying events, I have gained a lot of closure for the course of my life, now everything makes sense, and I am no longer walking in the dark. The double-edged aspect of this is that it seems as though the few people I thought I could speak with about this have recently shunned me. I haven't hardly said a word to anyone, and those I have opened up to have pretty Much ostracized me, and now I have little other choice than to accept me for me, instead of the whole "faking it to make it" routine which has been my life up until about a month ago. It became exhausting and I couldn't do it any longer. It was as if a light switch went on, but it shut out all the little flashlights that I could reach out for. I guess I really don't know what to do next other than carry on. I'm happy I found a couple groups on other social media's that I could relate to, and I hope that WP can help me with certain coping dynamics. I'm fine I guess, just feeling very much alone, and wondering if anyone has been through this same phase. Thanks for reading.

I was very autistic when I was a toddler, more Asperger's-like as I got older.

I hope your "discovery" doesn't cause you to stop making progress. I hope you use it, instead, to adapt to the world around you in a different way than you did previously.

If you could describe your "symptoms" more specifically, then we can get a better idea of how to advise you.

Do you have any "special interests?" Is your "potential autism" preventing you from obtaining employment? What other diagnoses have you received?

I am constantly making progress. Though, i have had to regress my social output to stay focused on how it is I am receiving the world around me. Incidentally it has caused me to go into a rather mute sort of existence.

I have done this before, I suppose you could say that is one symptom, but now that I have a bit more clarity on myself, it makes sense as to why I do this. So I am utilizing it more than fighting it, in an attempt to gain a better understanding of how to operate.

I have employment and can hold a job. It is retail and I do find it very difficult to be surrounded by people for more than thirty seconds at a clip. I go into sensory overload with load noises and have discovered that earplugs help a great deal with this, I have to wear them all day now,but it does alleviate sudden bells and engines. Multitasking questions, and holding conversations with multiple people is utterly impossible, if two people are speaking to me at the same time,I have to back away. Familial holiday events have been out of the question for me for years now. I simply can't handle the commotion at supper without having to sit alone somewhere. I can handle places with crowds, so long as the risk of conversation is not present. Large places like flea markets and malls with many people moving does however make me duzzy, and it's difficult for me to keep focused on any one thing in particular.

Special interests...oh indeed. I taught myself how to write, edit, and publish in a matter of two years, and have thus published five books on kindle and paperback.
Chess is a huge obsession and I studied it for years some time ago.
Aquariums and fish husbandry was yet another interest.
Its mostly been writing that I have stuck to. As it is easy to carry since I have been in and out of houselessness for years.

Relationships are very much out of the question for me, as of recently. I simply cannot open myself up to another person again, my entire life has been one trying endeavor of difficulty, and now I finally feel like things make sense, but I know it will be difficult to be involved again. As these social issues drive me into isolation, and itsnot fair to expect someone to care, and me still seem as though i do not want to be there.

Also, no other clinical diagnosis for anything in particular. I have onlt veen to a psychologist once and he mention high anxiety with PTSD, he gave me lexapro and told me to pursue therapy. None of it felt right to me at the time.

As a child my parents took me to a doctor and he thought ADD and suggest ridalin, my parents opted out of this. Keep in mind this was years before Aspergers was introduced as any kind of a diagnosis.

Mostlt, i have just gutted my life out, researching anything that felt familiar, but there were always aspects of time in my personality quirks that didn't quite fit into Bipolar, scizophrenia, or any other mood disorders.

The men on my father's side have all sorts of the characteristics of Asperger's, which leads me to believe it is hereditary. Despite this, we have made lives for ourselves, we are just odd, solitary creatures.

My meltdowns I used to associate with my anxiety, but upon reflection of my life, it all seems to come together as to what they actually are.

You would have enjoyed the Boris Spassky--Bobby Fischer matches which were on worldwide radio in 1972.

Those are all "harmless" interests. I'm glad you haven't "gotten rid" of them in order to be "social."

I'm sorry people have "shunned" you. It doesn't make sense; Asperger's does nobody any harm.

Under the DSM-V, Asperger's is no longer a "formal" diagnosis, though it's still used quite a bit informally. Under the ICD-10, though (in the US and elsewhere, it's still a "formal" diagnosis.

Working retail is very difficult for somebody with your "condition." Have you considered working in something like data entry? I work in data entry, and have done so for 38 years. I wouldn't quit you job; especially if you're established there. But I would try to pursue other avenues if possible.

Have you gone to college?

Greetings Ward,

Your story is similar to a great number of others, including mine as a late diagnosed Aspie still going through the same journey you are.

I have gotten over the acceptance hump and I am trying to see where the dust settles in all of this. It is unfortunate that some people feel they no longer want to engage with you, but in the end you can only be you and it sounds like you are finding that out. The positive to take from this is that you can now make better educated decisions moving forward.

Congratulations on the sobriety piece. I was an alcoholic prior to quitting cold turkey five years ago.

Kind Regards, Shark

Thank you for the regards.

No college. Just an obsession with learning about anything. People often ask me what my IQ is, but I don't know. I'm a "fact collector" of sorts. I have an expansive knowledge of religions, occult, and am in general a philosopher. Technically you could say I've written a bible of sorts for an unknown belief system that nobody can really define, so I try to be as loose with my writings pertaining to that topic as I can be. It's a Magnus Opus of sorts for me, and writing has proven to be a great ally in therapy, as it will carry on long after I am gone. Once I am through the process of backtracking my life when it comes to the application of Asperger's, I feel I will be able to write better with a now knowable feeling of who I am.

And yes, ridding my life of alcohol has indeed brought a large amount of who I truly am to the surface. With booze at least I was able to feign normality by simply taking the title of a drunk. Since my heads been clear, all of this has surfaced. I'm used to going through things alone, it's just now I've had to put certain things on the backburner.

Do you write a blog?

I posted I Omnist at my blog, yes. Since I consider it philanthropy I find it wrong to shout "buy my book!" Although it is available on amazon, along with my fiction.

Welcome to wrong planet. I hope your self discovery continues to go well and your life continues to be successful.