Explaining your autism to people in your life

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I'm newly diagnosed and I'm struggling to find a way to convey the significance of how it has impacted my interactions with the people I have to deal with day to day. I feel like I might make a lot more sense to them if they understood it. No one seems to get it. Anyone had any success with this?

Nope.

Autism is too complex to be encapsulated in a single meme or bumper sticker slogan, so people aren't interested enough to take any time to understand it. It doesn't affect them personally, so it's not that important.

Even the people who claim to care about you will only superficially read an article or two and think they've got a handle on it. But you know when they say things like "well, if you'd just try a little harder..." that they haven't learned a thing.

But, can you blame them? You're talking about people to whom everything in life comes relatively easily, for whom communicating with others is a simple process, and anxiety just means a few butterflies before giving a speech.

They have no idea what it's like to walk into a shopping center and be overwhelmed by the tidal wave of sound emanating from the industrial air conditioners 30 feet overhead, and the incessant murmur of voices throughout the building, and the cacophony of electronic bleeps and bloops made by all the cash registers and infared tag readers - when they say something to you and you have to ask them to repeat it three times because you can't make out their words over all that noise, they just think you're mildly deaf or not listening, because they don't even notice all that racket. How could they possible understand what's happening to you?

When you can't leave the house or make a simple phone call because you woke up that morning with your stomach in knots (just a normal day) and the thought of having to think clearly while simultaneously interacting with people you barely know and the idea of keeping up a pointless conversation has your nervous system raging in fight-or-flight tension, but you're really incapacitated like a deer in headlights, and can't force yourself to move, beyond the uncontrollable rocking back and forth that keeps you from screaming out loud - all they see is somebody being stubborn and uncooperative, because c'mon, it's just not that big a deal.

And when you're pushed into a roomful of strangers, and you'd really like to maybe make a friend, or at least be accepted as a nice person with a working brain and perhaps something reasonably intelligent to say, but instead you find yourself standing in the corner, able only to mumble "hello" whenever someone speaks to you (not that anyone does) and looking desperately for an exit you can sneak out of when no one's looking, so you can go home feeling empty and alone again - they just see someone who isn't willing to try and who doesn't mind being perceived as antisocial.

They just don't get it, they never will get it. But it's not just because they don't care enough to bother - it's also partially because they aren't capable of getting it. It's all an alien life to them and they'll never once actually experience it as long as they live.

via Imgflip Meme Generator

* lol *

Explain your issues without calling them anything. No two autistic people are necessarily exactly the same in traits. Calling it "autism" or "Asperger's" will only make people think you have certain things you don't or don't have certain things you do.

Being assessed late in life and being able to wing things well enough has allowed me to make disclosing optional. Four people know. Either they gave me useful feedback when I shared suspicions, asked me if I was on the spectrum or contribute accounts for my assessment. Out of gratitude I informedvthe of the outcome of the assessment.

In my day job I have a strong suspicion everyone in my immediate workgroup is on or bordering the spectrum anyway. The work makes good use of the strengths in our profiles and avoids most of the pressure points and so thus far I have not needed to make arrangements to speak in confidence to HR and share the contents of the assessment.

I will sometimes be a little cryptic. I will drop into the conversation that I am aware one person in our department has a report in their private papers identifying their profile as Autistic, but they have made good use of its strong points.

I tell people I am a brilliant-minded social misfit stuck somewhere between Rainman and Spock, then I sometimes offer a simple illustration of how different Rainman and Spock would be in a given situation. Sometimes I also mention my lack of social/emotional intelligence and explain that I often close my eyes while speaking in order to block sensory distraction and overload. Overall, and rather than trying to explain autism, I just give people some facts they can actually observe about me...and then I also usually try to withhold all commentary while doing that.

If something bothers you like overly bright lighting you should just talk about that. Normal people can't absorb the wall of text that you often see here. But, lots of people will help you out if they can.

You've been dealing with people day-to-day up until now without having to "explain" anything so what has changed? Carry on as you were before.

I can really relate to not being able to convey how hard some situations are to deal with. I agree with some of the other posters- try explaining your difficulties without explaining the diagnosis. I think the "empathy deficit" in autism goes for neurotypicals too- they don't understand what it's like to be autistic, therefore they struggle to see how hard it is to be you on a daily basis. If they don't understand why you do certain things, you could try explaining why you do them, or just ignore them if they are rude about it because they are not worth your time. Neurotypicals can understand why you have trouble, it will just take time and patience. I hope this helps .

Yes, I deal with people, but often with limited success. Some of the "autistic" things I do create problems. I guess I hope by offering some sensible explanation for the the "autistic" s**t I do like, "hey I have Aspergers and blah blah blah ...", they might be a little more tolerant and accepting. I'd rather be accepted as a normal Aspie than rejected as a weird NT

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This only works if you are exactly like a known "Aspie" so that all the well known quirks can be applied to you. For instance, someone might be able to say that "I'm like that Sheldon guy on Big Bang Theory" and many NTs would get that.
But, there is no such thing as a "normal" Aspie.