Having troubles to express myself, doesn't find words

Post Reply New Topic

Anyone else experience this?

I hate that I have troubles to express myself vocal, finding the right words takes ages. In conflict, arguments, discussion I'm totally doomed because of this.

The more I know a person, like my spouse, I feel comfortable and can talk better. But if it's in a job environment, some relatives I haven't seen for a long while, my spouse family I stumble, feeling stressed out/fatique, thoughts are so blocked that I can't get a good sentence out.

I don't work right now, but remember that I felt the speech issue has always a big problem for me, also this did show in former friendships. A friend treated me badly and had a really nasty tone to me without a reason, but I couldn't argue with my speech so I just took it, can't protect myself.

How to cope?

I've always had a really difficult time with this at work until my current job. I think because we have agendas and all work on shared docs ahead of time, I actually have a shot at having a clue when we do meet. I wish I could recreate this with friends and family somehow.

This is a massive problem for me and although I've made progress over the years, going from an almost non-verbal child to a near-normal-talking adult, if I find myself in an emotionally charged situation (positive or negative, it doesn't matter) I really struggle to find words. It's like a mental block. Sometimes all I can say is "I don't know" or "leave me alone".
I can talk for ages about many things, not just my special interests and I don't lack vocabulary, but throw emotions in the mix and I suddenly turn into a mute person. Can't defend myself, can't point out contradictions, can't express my own feelings...

I have a great deal of difficulty expressing myself properly verbally especially if excessive emotion comes into play and then I just lock up and freeze. Writing or typing has always been FAR easier for me to really articulate myself especially when it comes to the subject of personal experiences. God, verbally, it feels like I'm making myself too vulnerable when I talk about myself and then paranoia creeps in and then everything falls apart. I then turn into the stereotypical non-verbal Autistic. Just like a completely ceased up automotive engine with no oil in it. LOCKED.

And then I make a scene and angrily stim away...

Then the stares come. Then I panic. Then I bolt. All typical Autism at its finest. I can't stop it. There's someone else at the helm. Regain control. Regain control. I can't. I try again. Fail. Try again. Fail. Once more. OK good. Don't cry. Don't cry. Ooops we have tears. Grow up. Quick. Wipe tears. Maintain. Maintain. Calm down. Whoa careful we're losing it again. Whew. Close one. Happy place. Happy place. What is it again? Oh yeah, house in the mountains. Free of NTs. Just me and my Autism service dog. Calm. Calm. OK there it is. All good now. For now.

What is it? Emotional excess to a ridiculous degree affecting speech synthesis? Autistic brain freeze? WTH. It's like trying to contain a firecracker in a VERY small bottle. Ugh... Someday the pain will stop.

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

In my case, it isn't just about overwhelming emotions and thoughts that would cause it -- there's also short term memory and working memory being unreliable at times.
Even if I was very sure what I want to say, I temporary forget the vocabulary for certain words. Although I still have the tone, pitch, emphasis, concepts, it's whole grammar, and speech, then without a pause or mental freeze... Only confusion and frustration just to recall that darn word. It's annoying.
It suddenly replaces certain types of adjectives and verbs into a blank -- like a very annoying version of Charade's with definitions and vague synonyms of said lost vocabulary as a clue or a poor substitute.

Even if I'm writing and not just speaking on realtime, it's the concept of written and spoken language itself isn't a reliable medium for me. Though, I could attest that writing is easier...
Even if my language and communication milestones are within typical range, I'm not really meant to be verbal. Just 'lucky' with abstract thinking compensations added with kinesthetic aptitude when executing speech and writing.

My thoughts and expressions are mostly nonverbal. So are my thinking and learning styles. Therefore, I have this extra work of mentally translating thoughts into verbal medium.


And, I don't plan to change it for the sake of social progress. But I would, if business demands it.

Gained Number Post Count (1).
Lose Time (n).

Lose more time here - Updates at least once a week.

I've experienced this on occasion, mainly with struggling to phrase things appropriately. For instance, I may think of a phrase in English but have trouble finding its Finnish counterpart. Or other times I have no idea whatsoever how to describe a thought.

For me I struggle at times with this. Today on the phone I was struggling badly.couldnt get my words out,couldn't think of the right words for the right sentence. Had to apologise repeatedly for being unable to have a fluid conversation. It's dependent on who I'm talking too,when,but also stress levels. Some days it's ok dependent on person and scenario and I can be quite articulate, then other times(like today) I come across like a complete imbecile. Stuttering,unable to think of the correct words,sometimes even simple words. I can be on the phone to my girlfriend chatting away..no problems then a call comes through from someone else I don't know and I sound like an idiot. It can be very frustrating. The Internet can be a god send. If I'm having a debate I can come across quite well and knowledgable,put me in the same debate with the same people asking me the same questions but instead of being via the net,put them in front of me....:0/ Can't think of anything and there's a huge pause,it's like I'm a broken computer that's buffering. I was in a friends shop the other day talking about a topic I knew quite a lot about, I got asked a question and I literally turned around and said.."wait a minute..it's there somewhere I'm buffering" a minute later....answered question. :0/ So now when people I know ask something,I just say I'm buffering ha