Opening gifts

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I always hated opening gifts because I had to show appreciation, even if I didn't like what I got. This caused so many arguments growing up that most of my family stopped giving me presents, and just gave me money. Being diagnosed as a child would've made xmas and birthdays so much easier.

Anyone else find it painful opening presents in front of people?

I find it's a good exercise in acting, faking it, and "passing".


Most of the time I can find something to say about whatever-it-is is going to be useful.

My dad and step mom once weirdly handed off birthday presents to the trunk of my car as we were leaving a restaurant. I did call to thank them, but I guess whatever I said wasn't taken the way I meant it to be. They didn't talk to me for six months, and then it was to uninvite me from Christmas.

So far as anyone in my family can remember, I made it pretty clear that this is exactly what I appreciated most for Xmas and birthdays from quite a young age. I wasn't trying to be avaricious and I'd have barely noticed if any particular relative gave me nothing at all, I just always wanted to save up for "special interest" things which were too expensive to expect as a present from any one person (e.g. computers) and it felt wrong to have people buy me things that would never get used.

I don't like the ritual ceremony.

I hate receiving gifts as I don't really know how to respond and can't really "fake it". I would prefer people not to give gifts at all. My friend and I long ago came to an arrangement that we would not give each other gifts for birthdays or Christmas.

When I was growing up we had a family ritual at Christmas. We all had to have breakfast together first at about eight o' clock. Then the presents were handed out and we had to take turns opening one at a time. We had to read the label out loud, then show the present to the rest of the family, then make a note in a book of what we had received and from whom. Then the next person took a turn. The whole process seemed to last forever. I hated it. Then, at some point during Christmas day we had to phone all the relatives who had sent us presents to thank them.

I thought this was just me. I struggle feeling much when I get presents at Xmas. React the same to everything is the best approach I’ve found.

This is great because anywhere else admitting this makes me an ungrateful cow. I hate opening presents. I don't dislike the present process, I like buying and wrapping them for other people. But I get stressed even thinking about opening ones bought for me because I don't understand the logic they are bought with. It's as if people are playing a game of 'how can we prove we don't know you at all'. More than two thirds of the presents my Mum has bought me over the years have gone to the charity shops, often repeats of things she has bought before that have also gone to the charity shops. When I got to the first Christmas after my sister cut me out of her life I was sad and then I realised I wouldn't have to open a load of presents bought for the sister she kept waiting for me to turn into and I felt really relieved.

Yup yup, I can agree with pretty much all of that. These days when it's my birthday or nameday and I get presents I usually thank the giver, set the present aside on a table or something and go finish setting the table for the guests. Since I live alone there's no one else to do it anyway, so that buys me time. That's why I'm also the only one there to "entertain" the guests and can use my time talking to them and keeping them from remembering the present. Then, when they're gone, I open it on my own just in case I end up with a dissapointed or otherwise not so good expression. I'm not always able to use this tactic, but most of the time.
Christmas on the other hand... not that much of a problem for me. In my family we first share the presents (my favorite part, even more than opening the presents) and then anyone can open the gifts in whatever order they want and at the same time as others do. Usually this means there are 4-7 people with their presents so no one pays much attention to me and my presents unless I do something to get their attention.
I never hesitate to open presents from my older sister though; she's gotten me either something usefull or something that I actually like so many times in a row already that I lost count long time ago. If only I was able to come up with (and afford) gifts that she liked, too.

I used to because I was expected to show interest in whatever it was even if I hated it. That's not an easy task when you have autism because you're only interested in what you're interested in, and if it's a random gift you probably won't like it unless it's something you're interested in. Now they've given up and let me unwrap the stuff without saying or doing much of anything. But I don't really like the whole thing anyway.

As far back as I remember, I've always felt terribly awkward and embarrassed by receiving gifts during events like Christmas and my birthday. I suppose it stresses me out too, as I find them deathly exhausting.
No deep insight as to why that is.

All of the above as I usually got crappy presents as a kid from my relatives. Used stuff.