Siblings compared to me

Post Reply New Topic

People have a habit of comparing my siblings to me. Teachers are the worst offenders along with my voc rehab counsellor. They think my siblings should have the same personality and skills as me. I was quiet in class and got good grades. My brother was a talker and his grades weren't as good as they could have been. My sister struggled with academics and she dressed completely different from me. People need to learn that my siblings and I are not going to be exactly alike because we are siblings. Do people compare you with your siblings?

Unfortunately yeah. My sister is the normal one but not responsible yet the folks still think she is the cats meow. I think she is a waste of space.

No, not really. My brother is intellectually disabled and only partially verbal (he speaks, but not fluently), so we have very different pathways through school and different expectations of us. So people don't expect us to be alike.

People did compare me to my older brother, who is two years older but was only one year ahead in school, so I suppose I can forgive the teachers for the mental shortcut. My brother is a lot to take, and I was always pleased when I tipped a given teacher over to seeing my as myself rather than dreading me as a younger version of Mikey.

On the positive side, I was able to learn from my dislike of this, and didn't make the mistake of expecting my children to be alike. I will have conversations with each of them in which I focus on appreciating and praising the differences as well as the things they have in common.

Being compared to my older sister has been a real hassle. She's extremely antisocial, while I'm one of the friendliest (though awkward) people you'll meet. People expect me to be aggressive like she is, and unfortunately, in addition to that, I have traits like pedantic speech and bluntness that can make me appear condescending. In spite of that, I get along very well with people, except in environments where my sister is well known. I was shocked when I started volunteering at her job location and everyone acted like I'd burned their homes and murdered their families. No one had ever treated me like that before. Since then, I've learned to avoid her social circles. I can't even make a dent in the bad reputation I've obtained through her.