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Hi, I'm a 21 year old female officially diagnosed with ASD.

I really feel like people overestimate me. Even caregivers. Nobody understands how much help I need. "You're intelligent, you could do your own grocery shopping". Well NO, I can't..

My current situation:
- I quit school and aren't capable to work. My income is very low, I live from month to month and just try to survive. I tried going to school multiple times but it always led to severe stress, burn out. I came to the conclusion school isn't for me.
- I live on my own but it's hard because of my excecutive dysfunction. Just washing the dishes feels like climbing the mount everest. I kinda starve because I can't get myself to do grocery shopping, it's too overwhelming. I try to do one task every day.
- I don't have a social life and no family

Well, this all leads to extreme boredom, loneliness and I'm scared of the future. I really feel like I need more help. Right now I have a appointment with my therapist every week but it's just not enough. I had someone who helped me with practical stuff but she doesn't want to anymore cause it's too hard communicating with me. She just isn't coming anymore even it's her f*****g job!! (Yes I'm really sad about this because I was trying so hard..)

I just feel left alone. I feel like if my iq was lower then someone would take care of me. But because I look good on the surface nobody gives a damn that I'm starving here. They just don't understand how much I'm suffering. I can't seem to make them understand.

I'm sorry if I make myself sound like a victim but I just needed to vent I guess...
Someone who can relate?

Btw I'm thinking about faking a suicide attempt so they will hospitalize me...because I REALLY can't take care of myself. I feel kinda bad about this thought.

Krekkrek

If it is the woman's job to come and help you with practical matters, and she has not been coming, maybe you should fire her. If she works through an agency, it sounds necessary to tattle on her.

What part of grocery shopping do you find difficult? Going there, picking groceries, standing in line, checkout register? Some grocery stores have self checkout

Some articles on the internet claim that the writer tried and failed at suicide and got sent to 5150. And at 5150, the staff and other patients did things that were pretty bad. You can look up "5150 horror stories", if you want.

You can't just change your mind.

Where I live, 5150 lasts only 72 hours. 5250 lasts only two weeks. That is what the current counselor told me, last year.

So. You still have to have plans for after 5150, even if you go to 5150

I have care workers visit me. I feel lonely around them so I relate to what you say. I can't get through to them how upset I feel or how difficult things are.

I'm not capable of work either. I have no friends where I live and most my family don't like me.

I'm scared of my neighbour who is loud sometimes and has a dog.

I'm scared of the future too.

Maybe you can buy items and food online. I know, without job it is hard, but maybe you can save money on dishwasher.
Maybe you can find friends online, it helped me in your age. I lived with my family, but i felt lonely too.

I think faking suicide is bad idea

Yeah faking suicide is indeed not the best idea. But I wonder what my options are. I really feel like "something" has to change. I need to get away. I need to get taken care of. Do there exists places for people like me? Where do I start? Who can I ask for help?

The woman who's job it is to help me doesn't care. I'm thinking of finding someone else. But that requires some organisation from me and I'm not the best at that :p (making phonecalls, meeting new people, explaining my problems blegh ). But I think it's just something I have to do right now, otherwise things never get better.

I want to have a buddy who I can talk to. So if anybody reads this from the netherlands..

There may be work-arounds. You write well, so why not write about the non-performing helper, and use notes to improve communication there? You may be able to set up a regular delivery of food, either by pushing the same buttons on the 'net, or by dealing with a local merchant. A good helper should be able to take a request for something like regular food and then give you several options to choose from, doing all the set-up necessary. Meals on Wheels may be an option.
Chores like dishes can turn easy if you can go to the sink, and not touch a thing until you have thoroughly visualized what the area should look like when you are done. Then, everything out of place is quickly dispatched. I only keep a few dishes, so the job can't get too big, either. Or, use paper plates, scrap paper on regular plates, or big leaves.

My dad always used to say this to teachers 'I know she is clever enough, but can she actually do it?'. It was nice to hear someone realise that being clever doesn't nessasserily mean functional.

I actually like shopping I find it relaxing. I have terrible executive function however so I do need to make sure I break down everything into lists. Something's I know how to do better so I don't write all the details but new things or things I find harder I write everything down for.

For example going to the shops:
- write a list of what I need, if I need food I would write what I need on my phone so I don't forget it. Also a good note is to prioritize the list so (as in this example I am walking) you can walk back with everything and still have the stuff you need most.
- check what time it is and when the shop I want to go to is open
- if the shop is open get my coat, scarf, shoes, bag, headphones, phone, keys and money. Keys, phone and money being the most important things.
- Workout where the shop is, use my phone with Google maps if I am not 100% sure where it is, and calculate the best way to get there. Walking is my normal preference. Normally if I can't walk there I won't go.
- Walk down to where the shop is wearing headphones cause I hate the noise.
- get a basket, because then I know I can carry it all back home, filling up a trolley and trying to get it home with out a car doesn't work in my experience ahah.
- walk around each aisle one at a time and when you find something you need pick it up and put it in your basket and tick it off your list on your phone. If I know where things are I will go straight to the correct place, but often I find looking through each aisle means I won't forget anything. Also if you can't decide between 2 items that are very similar go for the cheapest one, especially if you are trying to save money!
- when either your basket is full, or your list is finished, go to the checkout.
- Put all your stuff down and pay for it, I for example go for self service most of the time to ignore people so I scan my items from my basket and put them in the bag, if I have any issues I call the assistant who is standing near by and can help me.
- all scanned through I pay using my card, using a contactless card if I can because they are easier and don't require me to count or remember a pin number.
- if you are concerned about finances grab the receipt! Then you can check how much you spent.
- walk back home with the bags
- bring all the bags inside
- unpack each item and put them in their places. If they don't already have a place then read the package instructions as to how they should be stored and clear a space to add them in.

Often each of those points contains more details, however if you do one at a time, and just focus on that one thing until you are ready to do the next one your brain can begin to relax and you stop feeling like you are drowning. If there is anything you are sensitive to (light, sound, touch etc.) Consider theses before hand and put action plans in place, like wearing sunglasses for bright lights or headphones for noise.

Another thing worth doing is listing possible things that could go wrong. So for the example above, things that could go wrong are:
- they do not sell an item you are looking for
- someone in the shop tries to talk to you
- you feel overwhelmed because it is [insert reason here]
- an item is not where you expect it to be.
- the self scan machine has an issue and you need to ask for help
- a bag breaks on the way home.

The list of what can go wrong looks scary but then you come up with solutions so:
- They do not sell an item you are looking for so you look for something similar or if that is too overwhelming leave it out all together. It is not the end of the world and you have planned for this.
- Someone in the shop tries to talk to you, you smile nod at them and move on. Or just nod at them. Being out is often stressful enough without speaking lol.
- you feel overwhelmed, leave your basket by the entrance to the shop and go stand outside until you feel up to it.

Etc.

Sorry that was so long, and I know you may well not feel you can do any of that, bit I just find turning everything from a huge swirling mess in my head to something where I have a plan and ways to deal with issues makes life so much easier.

No one has any idea how much I struggle and fight to live. My Husband finally realized recently just how much effort I have to put forth and how hard it is for me, why I'm always in burnout, and constantly on the verge of falling apart. I cried pretty hard, told him I thought no one would ever notice or be able to understand.

He's the only one. Everyone else gives me the same tripe. "You're so smart/ you're so intelligent/ I never would've guessed/ Maybe you're not trying hard enough/ etc etc etc". My Father has held and will always hold the belief that I'm "faking" because there's "no such thing" and whatever other bs he likes to puke out of his face because he can't admit to his own failings so that means no one else can have problems. It gets infuriating. Oh yes, I so love being like this. It's a dream. It's definitely the one thing I hate the most about being ND. NT people seem to think it's some kind of friggin PICNIC and that there's anything even remotely worthwhile about being so limited. Jerks.

Please don't fake a suicide attempt. They will find out/figure out that you faked it and that will backfire in ways you can't even imagine. Don't do that.

Faking suicide may cause you to be proscribed drugs that will worsen your functionality.

I generated a few checklists from my successful forays, and they helped a lot. Now, I add a new item occasionally, but usually just tinker with the errand-specific items.
If I have to go get health food from the city, there's a "town run" list for gas, oil, insurance, lunch, water, emergency kit, and so on. Then there's a list of every grocery type item I buy, with a column to tick off if I need it that time. The third list is of all the one-time errands I hope to include, with an efficient route between them and any special directions needed. Anxiety is down by half.

Faking suicide could cause permanent injuries to your body

Someone told me that she checked herself into 5150. No attempted or faked suicide required

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