I cannot tell my mother I love her

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I can say “I love you” to other members of my family. I have to force it out, and I feel uncomfortable with it in the moment, but it’s true.
But I cannot say “I love you” to my mother, who neglected me for years as a young child, and who did hard drugs while breastfeeding (the reason why I’m autistic and dyspraxic.) I never have easily been able to say this. Should I feel terrible?

I don't blame you. If I had a parent like that, I wouldn't be able to say "I love you" to them either. Then again, I barely ever say the phrase to anyone to begin with.

Has your mother since reformed her ways---or is still continuing to take drugs and drink?

With telling untruths, I struggle greatly, and i understand this to be a staple experience of autism.

I don't think you need to beat yourself up over it. Kraftiekortie's question is highly relevant.

Depending on the answer, the other thing you you might consider is whether to go to work on your own thoughts. Forgiveness can be as much for your own sake as for the person being forgiven.

Maybe you don't have to forget, but consider whether you should forgive.

Then, one day maybe you could truthfully say it, if she's since earned that.

In my family, "Love" is what you wrote instead of "Yours Truly" if it was to another member. Nobody said it.

I'd also have a hard time telling my mum I love her if she did those things to me.