Being stuck in the middle
Hey everyone is there anyone out here feels like they’re stuck in between two or three worlds in a way. I’ve been trying to find someway to be productive in society helping out as best as I can even if it’s a little bit.Note I went to the process is the vocational rehab and they told me that I cannot work maybe not for a long long while and they told me I need to go to a place called they have a location where I can learn life skills however in order to go to these problems you need to service from our local developmental Disabilities wavier and I’ve been denied twice Is basically like a waiver from Medicaid that allows you to get services.
Now My doctor has said and written that I am autistic however he is a psychiatrist and that is serviced or psychologist he does not do testing and I’m not really sure how valid this diagnosis is I don’t like you really care about him and knows he’s a good doctor. And I had to get this service through the developmental disabilities need a lot of the evaluations and testing. I’m going to see a doctor for three sessions for two hours each.
I hope they can find something for me earlier I was in another program and it did not work well at all and made me uncomfortable and it was not the right place for meHowever doing the job we’re going to colleges than nothing right now and maybe not ever because of these life skills I need to learn and also social skills and stuff like that however I don’t know how to get services to be able to learn them or to go into a job what’s your job coach a lot of the time or a job for people disabilities or something like that.
Now I do know there are many things that are different about me like for example my memories not too good but short term and long term. I was abused and bullied most of my life but one scenario made it into a downward spiral. Where I believe I did not come out the same person because that’s been on several medications that I did not need and that were too high dosage and everything like that.
During my first hospitalization which was not necessary I was abused by this tune staff are nurses or whatever and they are in many different ways but I never got to the point where they found them I could describe them but I did not know their names and The whole thing was just a huge big mess.A while later after I got home lupply cut myself not meaning to it all but just got into a daze and all of a sudden saw cuts on my arms
I have a sent to hospital again not the same one though they put me at a whole bunch of medications for different things I didn’t have any even if I did have one or two dozen things they mentioned it was not right because the medicine just made me sleep all day and the experience is not good at all as if you were being Restrained and possibly miss treated by belts and I do believe that any child or teenager who is this Restrained by a belt this way unless they’re incredibly violent is mistreatment really at all for that matter restrained.
After I was hospitalized when I got discharged hey sent me to a partial program and the same ass but I was abuse then I was supposed to go there but they said since I was artistic and for other reasons I cannot go there so they sent me back as an inpatient which made me freak out.
Then many years later I was hospitalized for another reason and again put on so many heavy medications that I was sleeping all day and when I wasn’t sleeping I was watching Annie on my DVD player they let me now because of that with autistic they didn’t know what to do with me so they put me on Alternative group. As well as listing in my DVD players I also listenedto headphones that they actually provided
Finally there was a situation recentlywhere Add to takea break my family and there was nowhere else for me to go because respite required you having that service and I couldn’t go anywhere else. nothing mental and this time they actually help me although was in the same hospital over the views then it was that bad this time and it was in a different unit the adult unit and actually get me on the same medications and only has one which really helped with my speech somewhat which is good.
I’m not sure and I can’t tell yet but this medicine I believe it’s opened up my eyes little bit of made me a little Calmer and also a little bit more aware and stuff like that. And after this hospitalization I was there for do a program that I thought would help me with life skills however did not it was a group for those who having mental illness problems or drug abuse or smoking or alcoholism.
It was uncomfortable and just not for me
Now college is a problem.the academics are just too much and too complicated. I did passing score with the Reagents diploma however I’m having problemss with my independent living together than being on the collage level
I’m also getting this problem with reading I can’t not really business but kind of in like headaches when I try to read. It gives me I think eyestrain and it makes it impossible for me to get through a paragraph much less the page
My mind doesn’t wander but I still Can’t get into reading if you know what I mean I listen to audiobooks also which helps a bit but it’s still hard to get through it gives the same feeling.
I don’t know whether college is right for me or not. But I would like to expand my knowledge and education someways too.
I am taking a course online in psychology and is there any nice except for the fact that i’m having some trouble understanding it even though it’s Mostly a series of YouTube videos. Also I’m using a program online my school used to I ready and I’m trying to figure out what else I could do to read and write and do other things better like life skills.The college academics may be too hard for me but I’ve always wanted to figure out how to get a card experience moving to special-needs program going to college.
I am very stable I like watching videos on YouTube and Netflix talking to my friends and hang out with my mom And also other family on trips and with my special needs group Northeast.I also like doing the online course and the I ready stuff also just for fun and curiosityI looked in ABC mouse sometimes. I draw and color and do other things too.I would one day like to help children in the hospital is Or in special-needs groups like mine. And I know that hopefully with the day had program I’ll be able to do that someday and I’m not through there I’ll try to find another path I also want to have the world understand about nerodiversity. So I am trying to write. I also like helping my grandmother and my mom sometimes.
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Your Aspie score: 192 of 200 Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 9 of 200 You are very likely an Aspie PDD assessment score= 172 (severe PDD)
Autism= Awesome, unique ,Special, talented, Intelligent, Smart and Mysterious
23 Mar 2018, 9:51 am
