I ruined a surprise for my entire class

Post Reply New Topic

I'm currently in college in a program for physical therapy, and I'm the treasurer of the class. One of the class members wanted to spend treasury funds on a party for the class and also some gifts for the instructors in the class. Since I'm currently in a clinical at a different location from the college, I didn't have access to the treasury balance so I forwarded an email from the classmate who had the idea to one of the instructors to ascertain the balance. Of course, that email contained the plans for the gifts for the instructors.

Technically I'm not sure treasury funds could be spent on gifts for the instructors without their knowledge, but I sure ruined any options we might have had to keep this a secret. So now I've ruined a surprise for the other 20 students in the program by simply performing my duty as a treasurer but not connecting that duty with the need for secrecy.

With only 2 weeks left in my program (after I finish my clinical there won't be anything left from a college perspective), I suppose I should just "come out" as autistic. The response from the student who had the original idea was certainly patient:

"Oh dear AspieSingleDad (not my real name), I was hoping that the teachers didn't know what we were doing. That's ok though. I guess we'll see what (name of instructor I forwarded the email to) says about the money."

I hate how I can be really effective at something like keeping a secret when I'm instructed to do so, but when there's even a modicum of need to "read between the lines", I can slip up the way I just did. It makes me feel like a child more than a 41 year old adult/single parent raising a child. Heck, the email is nice enough, but I can sort of feel the patronizing tone and I can't blame the student for it. This is just one of those instances where I feel "special".

I'm really tempted to write back and basically say that I'm sorry I blew the surprise, sometimes my autism just screws things up.

Yep , done similar myself and it makes me feel very naive.

I don't think you should out yourself as an explanation for a minor brain burp ( you could use many excuses to cover that up). IMO If you going to out yourself , do it because you want someone to know.

How come you’re still alive?

It looks like she removed me as a Facebook friend.

Are you sure it's not a glitch ?

That'd be a helluva coincidence.

but not impossible

Now that I'm home I see that this person is still listed as a "friend" on facebook but it says her account is disabled. Is it possible that she's blocked me or unfriended me and that's just the way it's showing up on my end?

Bro, haven't you learned anything from this thread? I'll ruin your dad's freakin surprise birthday party. I'm CRAZY like that!! !

Lots of people are dropping Facebook these days. I wouldn't make too much of her disabling her account, it probably had nothing at all to do with this incident.

Screw it. I’m thinking about replying to that email basically saying:

“I’m so sorry I ruined the surprise! Since I’m an autistic, it makes it hard for me to “read between the lines”. So, I didn’t pick up on the surprise element of the idea you had, even though it seems obvious now that you pointed it out.”

One of the reasons I’m feeling like I don’t care anymore is because I’m going to love to Jacksonville, FL (that’s a long story I’ll post pretty soon) Colorado. Worst that can happen is word gets back to my CI that I’m an autistic, but that’s whole different location. It’s actually possible that word could travel because this person could tell another person in my class who is friends with a physical therapist who works at the clinic I’m a student at.

I’m not sure I really give a crap anymore......

Facebook can be really glitchy so it's difficult to say. If she blocked you , you wouldn't be able to see her profile , if she unfriended you she wouldn't show up as a friend in your friend list. If you can still read some of her past comments but not not her profile she's probably had a facebook meltdown and disabled it for a few days.

Just so you know I know people who have done this who are not autistic , apologise by all means but think hard before you out yourself.

I totally appreciate the advice. You are giving good advice, believe me. I 100 percent agree with you, an NT could have made the same mistake I did. One of my pet peeves is when somebody is explaining NT vs. autistic, and they sort of give an NT this absolutely awesome social skills with just flawless interpretation of body language, etc. So many times I’ve seen NTs make social mistakes I would have avoided.

So let’s be real here. I blew the surprise because I’m autistic and didn’t “read between the lines”. But I was really tired that day from all of the work I did. Had I not been so tired, I’d have very likely kept the secret with ease. So I don’t feel “backed into a corner” and therefore need to “confess” to being autistic. I’ve been thinking about it for awhile now. What’s held me back are consequences. Now, however, I’m beginning to question what those consequences might be for somebody who’s going to move 1800 miles away and will never see these people again.

An apology from you is due and should be given freely, stating the obvious.

The degree of explanation that you provide is entirely up to you. I really don't think that you should feel any guilt if you choose not to disclose. Everyone makes screw ups every day, no one is perfect, if the other person can't accept that, then they might not be the kind of person that you want to disclose to.

There are potential consequences in either direction, good luck.

Hi, I agree with the other advice here. Telling people about being autistic isn't something you should feel you have to do just because you made a mistake that lots of people could (me included) make. I also think it sounds as if she was being a bit naive about the money and your responsibilities and obligations as treasurer.