Meltdowns, shutdowns, and behavior while having them

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Hello everyone, new to the site and this is my first post. It seems that one of the cardinal rules of the spectrum is that when you've met one person on the spectrum, you've met one person on the spectrum. Despite our similarities, we all have differences. I was wondering how this applied to sensory overload, meltdowns, etc.

Personally, when I get overloaded and meltdown, it feels like lava in my chest and a boiling tea kettle in my brain. I really want to scream, in fact screaming is all I want to do at that point. But despite that urge to scream, I don't. I guess in some way I recognize that if I did it would cause problems for me. If I could scream at the top of my lungs without getting into trouble, I would though. I'm able to walk and respond to people verbally, but not anything thoughtful or articulate. I guess I bottle it up somehow. I'll tend to stim for a few hours afterwards once I know I'm able to. Altogether, it's a very difficult thing to go through.

I realize that we are all different, and some of us don't have the luxury of being able to resist screaming or crying in public when having meltdowns. I suppose I'm asking a few questions. First, can what I described truly be categorized as a meltdown or shutdown if I'm able to bottle it up? What are your meltdowns or shutdowns like? Does anyone have a similar experience with them?

I think it's common for adults to bottle up meltdowns. I usually want to hit out or kick things and swear a lot, but I hold it in if there's anyone around.
Sometimes I have a crying fit and I can't always stop that, so I go for a walk or find somewhere private to let it out.

What you described is exactly what a meltdown feels like to me. Lava in the chest and especially a boiling tea kettle in the brain. When I was younger I'd yell and go ballistic when that happens. These days I tend more often to grit my teeth, clench my fists and shake for a long minute or two when it happens. Then it takes a while for that awful feeling to subside. I usually feel drained afterwards. A shutdown is just that, I shutdown and don't do anything except for rock back and forth with my eyes closed.

Last edited by EzraS on 31 Mar 2018, 6:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you for sharing guys. It's very helpful.

The things described when it comes to autistic behavior like meltdowns and stimming usually pertains more to kids and more severe levels of autism. Adults who have the level of autism that was called aspergers don't manifest them to as great a degree.

Right that makes sense.

Yeah. I'm only mild Aspergers and I don't get those full-on autistic melt-downs and shutdowns. But my emotional regulation is definitely not 'normal' either. Probably mine are sort of 'halfway meltdowns', which makes them easier to keep internal. And I think maybe (in general) us women are better at keeping it internal than men, too.