I hate being labeled with AS as male

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I need to come out about this.

Hey, I'm not someone who really thinks he was born the incorrect gender, but I'm not going to lie and I say (on here is an exception) that also being male, I don't want to have much to do with Asperger's or autism at all. I can accept the diagnosis itself, but I don't like the stigma of being a loner creep or most aspie males being unable to "mask" themselves as much as aspie females. It makes me feel depressed sometimes because I'm reading about those with AS who happen to only be males suffer or "left behind", effectively due to their gender.

NT males already have the game of dating and relationships (perhaps not just only romantic) at more of a slight disadvantage, why should I want to provoke it myself by explicitly mentioning I have AS, let alone that I present physically as a little "awkward" or "stoned" anyway, which still sucks pretty bad.

How do I cope or get through this s--- too?

I tend to agree that it is probably not going to help being labeled as having a "condition" since male weakness is, let's face it, looked at with disgust by the general human. Look at the difference in how homeless men and homeless women are perceived by society and it will become clear.

I'd never "wear it", being autistic, as a badge of honor. But that's just not my style. Some really enjoy that, but I'd like to be known as an "artist", not an "autistic artist". I saw an artist guy on youtube advertising himself as a "savant" and I wasn't sure if he was milking the label as a marketing strategy or if he really thought it was just an honest description of himself, but it looked pretty awkward and I would have recommended he toned down the labeling of that regardless of his intent.

Whatever you do, I think it's best to go over what you think you'll gain from telling people. If there is nothing clear to gain from mentioning it, then it's probably best to not bother. Sometimes you may just really need to open up to someone and get personal, and that is understandable. My dad bottled things up way too much, and it's clear to me now that he had mild autism as well but I wonder if he even knew what it was. It's sad... however just BE CAREFUL if you do open up because it can feel good at the time but you might regret it, especially if it's to a non-related female due to mixed signals and such. There no universal rule there, just be very cautious if you do.

I've told a couple of people, mainly because I wanted to let them know that I'm actually a friendly person but I know I come across as wanting to keep to myself. However, I'm not sure if it was worth it. People in general are incredibly judgmental and I think the less they know about you, especially as a male, the better. Men are valued for their deeds primarily anyway, so if nothing else, talking about your personal issues to someone who knows nothing else about you could just be a waste of time. It's going to be WHAT YOU DO as a man that matters to society overall. (I know it seems cold. I've wanted many times to just tell society to go **** itself, but that's reality unfortunately.)

I want to be known as an artist because of my works, and maybe if someone is REALLY interested, they can then dig a bit deeper and learn more about who I am. I think that would make the best use of all parties' time and the most self empowering thing for me.

...

Just so you know, life is not easy for us autistic women, either. It probably wasn't your intention, but to me it sounded like you belittle our problems.

I don't hate it, but I can see how it has affected my social relations. I'm an expatriate and have little contact with my country of origin, but I find it satisfactory these days to be married, have a job, and enjoy life through different eyes. "Friends" from my old culture told me they didn't mind whether I had AS or not, but gradually excluded me from their lives as I let more of my true (unmasked) self show. In the past I've been angry, distressed and saddened over this, but since leaving these fake friendships behind, my self-worth has improved. It's enough to have a job, be a trusted member of a team, be married, and have good relation with one's family, according to me.

None of that came easy. I've been used by one previous boss, spent 6 years in a long-distance relationship, been in and out of institutional care, and endured physical abuse in my childhood which took me decades to forgive my parents for.

Nowadays I'm almost indifferent as to who knows my diagnosis and who doesn't. My wife knows and she takes it as a way to understand how to be more helpful. My boss doesn't, because he knows my flaws and strengths through the work I do and takes them for what they are: human. As long as I'm useful to the company and a good team player, I can have a good job. As long as I am kind to, listen to and respect my wife as an equal (and satisfy her), I can have a wonderful wife. Male or female, AS or NT, I think those attributes are always accessible to a good-enough degree for everyone. Work with yourself, because that's what you were born with and what nobody can take away from you.

Apologies if that sounds patronising.

The reality of being a female with AS is that other females also often think we are creepy and we often also get left behind.

There are ways you can improve your social skills and "mask" as well as a woman on the spectrum, however there are disadvantages. I will not discuss all of them, but some of the disadvantages men on the spectrum run into when they do manage to mask and obtain a romantic relationship is, superficial normalcy does not make one adept at intimate relationships. A common complaint of women dating or married to men on the spectrum or who they think might be on the spectrum his inability to connect with her emotionally, understand what she is going through on a day to day basis, and meet her emotional needs. I think though, if men on the spectrum kept this in mind and were cognisant of the notion of emotional needs, and their own deficits in "reading" people, they can become a very good partner.

That's like saying "I hate being labeled 'near sighted'".

If your vision is impaired then it's impaired whether its labeled as such or not.

So what difference does the "label" make?

Are you asking whether in order to be honest (something we are noted for being) you should tell everyone that you are ASD?

The answer is no, we all have the same right to privacy as everyone else. If you become involved with someone seriously then I would advice you to tell them, as you should anything that significant. Wearing a t'shirt with the word weirdo on it is purely optional.

I wouldn't put "I am autistic" on your profile on a dating site (unless its a dating site for autistics) if That's what you're talking about.

I think being labeled as autistic for anyone kinda puts a target on your back. Autistic men are often looked at as creepy loner stalker types, while autistic women are looked at as vulnerable and the type you can take advantage of. I mean granted if you've not had much social training in your life then your offbeat personality and behavior might stand you out as someone who is not 100%.

If you behave differently women will judge this, if they find out its because of Autism they will know its not a threat. Whereas if they don't know why you are weird they may think you could be a nutter.

Where is this?

If you do start a serious relationship then I think it's best to mention it at some point. I told my boyfriend about the AS and other things I struggled with but not right at first because I wanted him to get to know me...without any preconceptions of what people with ASD, depression/anxiety issues or PTSD are like. And he's told me he's struggled with seasonal depression. But I didn't really bring that stuff up till things were more serious and we were considering if we wanted a LTR which we both did so that was that. But yeah I figured it would be weirder to try and hide those things than just talk to him about it...and I am sure at some point he would have wondered why I get mail from the Social Security office, why I have an EBT card...or why I have documents about mental health treatment I've gotten.

But also I do not think I have gotten that ability of some AS females to blend in better.