Living with Asperger's Syndrome at 28

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I do feel a sense of guilt when I see people at parties and out with friends, because it makes me feel those are the things people our age or younger should be doing and that my life is wasting away because of it and I even feel that if I did something like that it will be too late to do it. I even think when you are in the early 30s you should take life more seriously and its no time to have as much fun than what you did in your 20s and that it is a time to start a family and so on. In my twenties (20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26 and 27) I hardly had anyone to go out with since leaving college and uni, the only people I went out with usually with parents and other family. In between 22 and 26, I was out of work and was trying to find a job somewhere I wanted to work which was quite like looking for a needle in a haystack. At started working at 26 up to now part time at a retail book store which I like. I left uni at 22 after just four months because I think I found it stressful due to keeping up with coursework and having to pay for it as well as the equipment. I didn't even start getting back into driving a car at 24, it took 13 or 14 times to pass my hazard perception test until I passed and I only twice failed my driving theory test and passed at the age of 28. I feel like I should have done some of these things maybe 5 years before.

What can do to think differently about all these things ?

I don't feel guilt living with Asperger's syndrome. I am just different than others in very significant ways. I am unique. Consider for a moment outside the Aspie bubble what the world is like. Around 50 percent of the people in the world are introverts and the remainder extroverts. So over half the people in the world do not find going to a party or social event enjoyable. They are not social creatures. That is a large pool of people. So other than sitting at home, what do these people do in their lives. Where do they interact. Generally introverts like to communicate on a one-on-one basis rather than in a group.

Basically, I would stick with what makes you happy. Especially if you have friends who share what you like.

Who really cares what the "average" 28-year-old thinks.....especially since there is no "average 28-year-old."

If you wish to socialize then you might try socializing with introverts. The key question is what do introverts like to do, what do they enjoy doing. That is where you will find them. For example many like to read. Some are great fans of science fiction or fantasy. For example, I imagine Science Fiction Conventions (Sci-Fi Cons) or Fantasy Conventions are highly populated with introverts having fun. That might be a place where you might come across them. Many introverts like video games for enjoyment. There are Gaming Cons, Comic Book Conventions.

For me, I like adventure. (But you must be able to squash your fears.) I love nature and when I was young adult, I would hiked up mountains and sleep under the stars in a sleeping bag at night and cook my meal over open campfires with a group of like minded people. So maybe there are hiking clubs where you live. There is a whole world out there to explore.

Maybe you should start a thread and ask Aspies what they do and where they go to find enjoyment.

The early 20s are actually hard for most guys, even if they don't have a developmental disability like Asperger's.
These are the years in which guys start working, typically at entry level positions and have to work they way up into something more stable or find work elsewhere.
Dating is very hard, because girls tend to be attracted to slightly older guys who have moved up the ladder in jobs and have more experience being on their own. And guys of all ages seem to have no trouble being attracted to girls in their early 20s.

It sounds like you actually aren't as far behind as you think you are. You have both a job and can drive, significant achievements for those on the Spectrum!

You're at least 3/4's on the way to your definition of success, I find.

I just learned the word for that. I assume you are looking at social media, as it doesn't make sense that you would be out at restaurants watching your friends.

FOMO, Fear of Missing Out. Social media induced anxiety!

Chris1989 - you're like the male version of me. We are both "mild" enough to be aware of what we're missing out on, but too "Aspie" to be able to accomplish these things confidently.

It's not fair that some of us have to be born with a disability. If I think too deeply about it, I still can't believe that I've got this Asperger's. The odds don't seem real. I mean, two NT parents, both have NT siblings, who all had NT children, and the only ND had to be ME.
I'd just love to know what it's like to go through school naturally not being socially awkward, being considered "cool" by your classmates, being accepted, being invited to sleepovers, and going through high school with a group of friends and just being normally-wired. Then being a young adult and having the motivation to tart yourself up on Friday or Saturday nights and going out with your mates to nightclubs, meeting new friends and being invited out or having friends call round your house, etc. Also having a group of friends close enough to be able to arrange holidays abroad together and just "live the young life".

I know not all NTs are like that but it certainly FEELS that way to me. Especially that I have 12 cousins, all NTs, and knowing that they all have always had more friends than me. Surely it can't be a coincidence that the only Aspie in the family is the one with the least friends and the only one who has never experienced clubbing or holidays with friends.