Something I wish I could stop

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One thing I tend to do everyday is that I like to pace and even circle the one I do find it relaxing.

That is not the thing I want to stop.

What happens when I am pacing is my arms start moving but I don’t exactly what they are and whatever it is it is involuntary wish it could stop. I am always worried someone might walk in and catch me Whilst an arm movement is happening and ask questions.

Sounds familiar. The secretiveness can become very tiresome!

When I'm pacing I'm quite often either flapping my hands or gesticulating to the monologue in my head. Mind you, I'm also usually up on tip-toe, doing very tight circles, and mumbling to myself; so I would seem pretty odd anyway, I guess. I used to get embarrassed just catching myself doing it when alone; I thought it meant I must be some kind of "crazy person"; but since my autism was diagnosed, I have recognised it for the beneficial thing that it is.

The ideal solution, of course, would be that you don't change your pacing at all, but that it is accepted for the beneficial/harmless thing that it is by anyone who might barge in on you. There are some people in my life who have accepted this now that I have explained what stimming is and why I do it. I'd still be too self-conscious to continue doing some of my more odd stims in front of them, but I'm happy that they would dismiss it as "that autistic thing" that I do, and not worry any further about it.

When that isn't possible, my tactic has been to experiment to find alternatives which compromise between being effective and being discreet; as you are by wanting to control your arms. I see these as stop-gaps that get me by with at least some stress relief until I can arrange the privacy to stim without self-censoring. I don't think there's any substitute for lots of self-control for doing this. I'd be careful not to be too hard on yourself if the arm-waving still pops up from time to time; the instinct to do it will linger, and lapses in self-control are unavoidable if there is something on your mind.

Having to exercise that self-control is also a little bit counter to the object of relieving stress, so you may need to accept that it will never be quite as effective, and try to find at least some time where you can do it without self-censoring. With time, you might come to suppress the arm-movements out of habit, as I have with some of my stims; but they're still there, it just takes a much higher level of stress to bring them out.

Exercising self-control could also be a matter of replacing one thing with another. So instead of the wild gestures, you find something else that isn't quite as noticeable.

I pace sometimes, and I wish I'd do it more. If I'm going to be doing something to manage stress and anxiety, getting exercise out of it is a bonus.

A good brisk walk somewhere quiet has a lot of the same effect for me, I find that combination of stimming and exercise very therapeutic. Even once I'm back indoors, I feel the need to pace less if I've been out for a decent stroll. It has to be somewhere pretty deserted though; when I'm ruminating, my inner monologue can turn into talking out loud very easily without me realising it, and that does get rather embarrassing sometimes.

Hand-flapping was something I did as a child and I have photographic evidence (thanks to whatever parent took the photo)!

When I am pacing it is as if my left arm wants to do that and if I am doing that I don’t know I am moving my arm in that way. Like it doesn’t register in my brain. I remember secondary school this used to happen every time I walked into a classroom. I remember someone who also has ASD asking why I did it? My response was to say I don’t know I am moving my arm like it. Yet he used to rock in his chair every time he sat down I never asked him about that.