Did your parents have a "sink or swim" mentality?

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Did you have parents that, despite them putting in a concerted effort to comprehend you and your ASD/HFA ways, basically threw up their hands and "threw you out there" (figuratively or literally)?

I went through that pain from mostly my Type-A personality stepmom, who dominated over my mild-mannered father and kept making comments like "You're turning such-and-such years old, you should know this / know better by now!!" and making projected threats that if I keep doing or saying such-and-such, I'll get fired or peers will take me aside and beat the crap out of me, etc., etc. I didn't have a support system like the Ben Affleck character in The Accountant where he was equipped to deal with tormentors and bad people yet maintain fulfilling and rewarding employment. (That, and the emotional language speech therapy he got from his prison buddy )

This was in the late 80s / early 90s in my teenage years where nobody knew what ASD/HFA or Aspergers was, it was just referred to as ADD or "hyperactivity" and having "hyper fits" rather than autistic meltdowns. That and the misplaced psychiatrist labels of "extreme social anxiety" or "juvenile schizophrenia". But they categorically rejected any and all labels, they stuck to the "sink or swim" stance. For instance when I was kicked out of a couple of shared living places, they helped me find another place but wouldn't take me back in. It didn't matter that I was making effort and trying to figure out what rubbed people the wrong way or why people wouldn't verbalize certain preferences expecting you to figure it all out.

I suppose they were in denial and couldn't bring themselves to accept the reality that I was developmentally challenged against my will, and I didn't have a coherent plan to follow to get where I needed to be on the same level, or a "passable" level with peers. Even today it's hard to say with all the knowledge of ASD/HFA, would my stepmom and dad have reacted any differently (my mom and stepdad were somewhat more enlightened, but still more on the "sink or swim" side of things), as people tend to view our condition as stigma/taboo and see it as "making excuses" or a "not guilty due to insanity" defense against discomforting behaviour.

My mom did it to me when I was in elementary school. That was how I became aware there was different rules for each age group and each kid was handed a manual on how to be (insert their age here) and I was left to figure it out on my own. I didn't know I had a disorder then.

I have a "sink or swim" attitude. It is how I learned to do things, a great many things. I would not say "my parents threw me out there" but rather "I threw myself out there". I had to learn my own path to becoming successful and to blend into society.

I am an Aspie and I view many of the current approaches used for Aspies to be like a crutch. If you break your leg, you may need a crutch for a short period of time until your leg mends. But eventually you need to learn how to walk on your own two feet.

To a great extent, I went with that approach too, although there was always the fear in the back of my mind of becoming a violent crime victim (since we're statistically more likely for that), or to be goaded or manipulated in some way to being an accessory to a crime, by some pathological yet charismatic personality who'd pick up on my need for social acceptance and friendship, and manipulate that.
These were not unfounded fears!!

I have the kind of mother who is so proud of her two neurotypical children for going to college and getting jobs and settling down to have families of their own, but for her other two kids who have disabilities (both me and my younger brother have aspergers and I have bipolar disorder and he has cerebral palsy) she has basically made us feel our whole lives like we are just too slow and helpless to do anything. Yeah I feel a lot of anger towards her because of that.

Yeah, unfortunately that's recurring in a lot of cultures, even the "mainstream" N. American culture but one typically associates it with Asian families (I don't know if you're of Asian ancestry). Those who have been a disappointment to the family are always reminded of it, no matter what their effort or intentions may have been to make it somewhere. The family doesn't want to intervene with mental health and ABI professionals, because to do so would bring shame upon the family.

Sure. My family's neighborhood was surrounded by ranching and floral pastures which almost always included horses, cattle, sheep and vast fields.

Beyond our neighborhood, I would walk or ride one of my bicycles several miles in any direction so long as I returned before dinner. Our community had neither sidewalks nor curbs and gutters. It was rural waiting to "grow up" into being suburban. It wasn't unusual to see a neighbor kid riding one of the nearby "liberated" horses through our neighborhood streets.

Because the family which developed and owned our state's zoo needed a place off-site to provide care to various injured animals, they owned a square mile farm/ranch to the north. We were allowed to interact with the animals except the injured ones, and we couldn't hurt the ranch animals, but we could play with them.

We would frequently see peacocks, geese and swans walking around our house when they were clever enough to escape. The neighborhood is still overrun with quail of three varieties. Nobody but loose dogs bother them.

These days, the neighborhood is "built up" and appears ready to be bought out, bulldozed and rebuilt into condos. Good thing my mother never saw that happen. I and other neighbors fought plans to do just that giving her enough time to die in the house and neighborhood she helped create.

Sooo, I was and remain a proud free-range child whose parents knew I would return for dinner.

Definitely. I was born to early. If you were at all capable of going to school and getting through the day, that's what you were expected to do, no extra help provided.

Lol my Mom is actually white but I think that problem is very common in white families too.

Especially if you're in the U.S. and you live in the southern states like I do.

The thing about living in southern states like Georgia is that there is often a negative stigma that comes with having any sort of learning disability. I really think my Mom is overprotective of me and my brother and refuses to try and let us grow up and learn independence because of that.

My parents had a good formula of giving me proper care but also pushing me as far as they could. nurtured but not coddled.

You always seemed to be a free-ranger too, Ezzie.