Not sure if I'm misreading things

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I'm not sure if I'm misreading things. At the end of cleaning the flat last Wednesday the person who cleans the flat made a point of saying it keeps quite clean here. I told her if left to my own devices it wouldn't be. She said it probably would. I'm reading that as she's fed up with me. I basically was living in a mess in Essex because I found the multi step process of cleaning my flat overwhelming, and thus ended up in a state of inertia. It's those damn executive functioning deficits again. Why things keep clean is because she comes in twice a week.

My stepdaughter who knew how bad things got in Essex, made a point of arranging the help. I could ask the lady who cleans to do more things(she asks if I want anything else done) but I can never think of things .

I think when she says it keeps clean she means that you keep it tidy, which is a compliment.
Cleaners go in and clean bathrooms, kitchens and dust and vac... it's not really their job to tidy up.
If everything's tidy and in its place she can get on with the job of actually cleaning... if she has to spend twenty minutes clearing up all the stuff you've left lying around, that's twenty minutes less for actual cleaning.

I wouldn't say it stays tidy by 'normal' standards ,ie there's stuff strewn across the coffee table and on the settee, but it's much tidier than it used to be in Essex. Part of that is no doubt as a result of downsizing when I came here. The truth is I couldn't cope with a bigger flat.


Part of the misreading things is perhaps also the ‘I’m not physically disabled so I don’t deserve/need such help’ syndrome which rears it head from time to time. It’s an attitude the general public can often have , and one as a mentally ill person it’s easy to take to heart and self stigmatise yourself with. The same goes for Asperger's .

I hadn't thought of it in the way you've said,which makes perfect sense.

I know exactly what you mean in your second paragraph.

I carry a RADAR key for disabled toilets because I have Crohn's disease. I also have a "can't wait" card from the UK Crohns and Colitis charity. The charity also runs a campaign along the lines of "not every disability is visible". I also have peripheral neuropathy which makes me very unsteady on my feet. I go to a gym to keep my legs going... as a result I look quite fit and robust, but I'm not. Sometimes I walk with a stick, but I tend to trip over it.

But the same applies to mental disabilities... "you look ok to me".

I have probable dyspraxia, but am not physically disabled. My stepdaughter has said I'm the clumsiest person she has known.

Towards the end of her life my wife had bad peripheral neuropathy. In her case years of smoking hadn't helped. I've always tended to veer towards the constipation side of things , but have swung more to the other side of things in recent months . I've heard that asthma,Crohn's and eczema tend to run in families. My wife had eczema and when that eased off she became asthmatic and had bowel problems . A cousin of hers had Crohn's.

^^I never knew you were married.

Did your wife have a disability, too?

I met her in psych hospital. She was prone to bouts of reactive depression . She had arthritis which got worse over time. After a while she had to use a mobile scooter. She had a stroke when she was 55. Mini strokes must have followed over the next dozen or so years as she developed vascular dementia. It was a case of the older woman with the younger man . That tends to be frowned upon , while the opposite tends to get admiration directed at the older man.

My wife is 12 years older than me.

I’ve never gotten problems over that.

Im glad you made your wife happy amid what she went through.

Do you live in some care home or what? Or do you guys have a housekeeper?

I live in a one bedroom housing association flat. The help I get was originally provided by a care agency. For some reason I didn't have to pay for ages. Then I was presented with a hefty bill. At that point my stepdaughter cut out the middle person and arranged for the cleaner to come in privately. It reduced costs while ensuring the cleaner got more money.

If I didn't have the help there's a fair to good chance I'd end up in a care/group home. Let's just say that apart from money management my adaptive functioning isn't that good. My psych notes actually state that the help I get is to allow me to continue living independently in my flat.

I am reading it that she means it doesn't get dusty. Some houses get very dusty. Some old houses get very very dusty.

Her "job" is to clean surfaces and maybe (I don't know) there isn't much dust to clean. She might go to some houses where every surface is caked in dust each time she visits. To her that house would be "dirty" even though there might not be any "clutter".

Your flat might have a bit of clutter (who's house/flat doesn't), but if it isn't dusty then to her it is a clean flat.

Maybe the day before she is due to visit, wipe your finger over a flat surface and see if there is any dust on your finger.