Funny Aspie childhood moments

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I realized the tooth fairy wasn’t real when I was eight. While NT children learn the tooth fairy isn’t real from their friends, I figured it out through logic like a true Aspie...how could the tooth fairy be real? Then, I googled “Tooth Fairy” and learned all about how it was fake.

I tried believing in the tooth fairy again briefly when I was eleven—for a month or two. Lol. It was a little childish.

I had some unusual collections when I was a teenager. One of them was a slime collection. Back then you could get plastic capsules with slime out of gumball machines. I had scented slime, glow in the dark slime, neon slime. Sometimes I'd mix it all up and put in a jar, or I'd slime plastic toy figures like on You Can't Do That On Television.

Considering how trendy slime toys are right now, I guess I was a little ahead of my of my time.

Being obsessed with birds, before i learnt about the full details of avian reproduction i thought all eggs were fertile. So i broke into a chicken coop on a farm and stole all the eggs. Took them home and had them under lamps for a few days before my mother realised.
When i was a kid i used to walk the cattle from the fields to the farm for milking and one morning decided i wanted to keep one of the calves from the fields. My mother loves to tell people how she came downstairs in the morning, made a coffee then opened the curtains to see a cow stood in the garden looking back at her.
She promptly marched me and the cow back to the farm where i got a thick ear

I thought frozen pizza meant people actually ate their pizzas frozen.

I got punished in 3rd grade for cheating. I looked something up in my grammar book, they never explicitly told me I wasn't allowed my notes. Seriously...

I put a toad in my Easter basket and took it to pre-school. It hopped out when the teacher picked up the grass. The teacher told my mother not to bring me back. Looking back, that was pretty ridiculous. From what I have witnessed with my own kids and grandkids, reptiles and bugs are a pretty natural part of childhood.

When I was three, my mother had a story about someone who would not take a hint, using the old expression "the butter wouldn't melt in her mouth." I couldn't figure out how that worked, so I'd ask to hear the story again from time to time. The last time, mother had her friends over, probably including a close friend of the dumb one. Mother seemed very awkward, but I think she told it without even changing the names. That made the story even stranger, so I quit trying to understand it.
I had an older sister, and when we'd hear "Let's keep it down to a dull roar," sister got us to be quiet, and it was many years before I sorted out the individual word sounds.
This is the worst humour list I've seen in a long time.

My favorite books as a child were about cats. Some things never change.

I had a few of them, including:

1.) Starting a lighting storm with a rocket filled with small copper wires and an explosive because I wanted to see if it could be done. I did not plan on it causing a hail storm with it too, as I was unprepared for that part of
the reaction. Ahh, the fun....

2.) Experimenting with poisons, including extracting and purifying, as a kid. That one generally creeped out my peers. It did give me a head start on my future career as a chemist. My squirt gun (reserved for bullies) contained poison ivy/oak extracts. At one time, I had a few vials of rattlesnake venom that I was saving for a special project to protect our home from robbers.

3.) Collecting fireworks every year when the 4th of July holiday ended. They would go on sale and I would buy them on the cheap. They got stored in a special deep chest freezer, away from moisture and air. I hardly ever shot them off, as I wanted to take them apart to study how they were made (pre-internet days). That one aggravated my parents more than a little bit. I stopped buying them when I learned how to make better ones than what are commercially available for sale.

4.) Frankensteining my toys to make new ones. My older sister would break my toys to get revenge for something that I would do to her. I would then spend hours putting the pieces together to make “cooler” toys than the ones that I started with. It pissed off my sister to no end, as she had made me happy instead of sad.

5.) Reading about The Special Theory of Relativity in class when I was quite young. At the time, my teacher was trying to get us interested in reading, so she asked us to find a topic that we wanted to learn about. I picked that one. She did not think that I would understand it at that age, as she did not understand it herself. Well, I proved her wrong after I read it. I gave her and the rest of the class a long lecture about it. I could not understand how everyone else had a hard time learning it, when it came to me so easily.

I used to think the tooth fairy must be real because if my parents tried removing my teeth from under my pillow and replacing them with money they'd wake me up. I was not a heavy sleeper, so the tooth fairy must have been able to do it either from being tiny, or magical, or both.

Funny that I had that kind of illogical logic.

Maybe my parents put something in my food that night to make me drowsy.
Nah.

So without being diagnosed as Aspie I can't officially claim this an Aspie child hood story; but in the event:

I had never smiled in photos since I was a baby. The only childhood photo with me smiling was when I was maybe 8, at my cousins' house at Christmas...holding up my brand new Spock doll. He even had a little blue phaser. 40 yrs later they still bring up that photo.

My mother liked better variety than the usual "smile for the camera" stuff, and got some good ones. This also trained me to ignore the camera unless invited, which once got my close-up on the front page of two newspapers. Recently, a woman asked me for a picture "without the beard" and I obliged with a bare-chested one from before it, or any other extra hair grew.

The only big laugh I remember getting as a lad happened at a big family dinner, but I did find it quite encouraging. At the time, the TV had many advertisements with animated peanuts being inspected before going into Skippy peanut butter. Discussion had gotten around to sweets, and I remarked that I'd once bought a box of chocolate covered peanuts. Nobody responded, so I got lucky with perfect timing to add "Now I know what they do with the rejects from Skippy." "Rejects" was also a contemporary slang term for people, which thus related to the animations.

I would ask neighbors if I could clean out their swimming pool gutters when I was a kid, so that I could look at all of the dead insects and frogs that would come to the water/light at night. I had learned to ask, because I got in trouble for opening up the pool filter a public pool once without permission.

One time a kid in class said that the word "gullible" wasn't in the dictionary. I promptly went over to the bookshelf and got the dictionary to look it up. Then I brought the dictionary back, fully intending to be helpful, and showed him that it was in there. Then I stood there in complete confusion as the other kids started laughing.

I would freak out if my mom was drinking a soda or water while driving telling her, "Mom! You're breaking the law! You're not supposed to drink and drive!"