Travel Anxiety

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My girlfriend wants me to go to China with her but travelling always gives me anxiety. Even going to another state makes me feel a bit anxious. I have never left my country.

I wouldn't mind one of the tourist areas like Hong Kong or Shanghai where everyone speaks English but she wants me to go to her hometown, near the North Korean border where no one speaks English. I'm not really sure what I'll do when she's reuniting with all her relatives. I'll just be bored and anxious.

She says my rapid eating will seem rude in the eyes of her family. Having to follow strict foreign customs makes me feel more nervous. Also she wants to get her wisdom teeth pulled there because the dentists are cheaper. This means for several days she will be unable to talk and she won't be able to translate for me.

She says if I go it has to be in two weeks. This seems too fast when I don't have a visa and I just bought a new house and I'm still dealing with the bureaucratic of breaking my lease and trying to get a refund after the telco overcharged me.

I said I couldn't afford it so she said she would pay for me but that made me feel terrible. Like I'm a financial burden on her. She just bought me a washing machine and she gave me $90,000 so I could buy a house. I feel bad if she keeps giving me more and more money. She was inconsistent on the topic of whether or not I would have to pay her back for the trip (and the washing machine). I also feel guilty that I accidentally knocked her iPhone XS Max out of her hands while I was gesticulating.

She said that translating everything would be a burden for her and that she would be more relaxed by if she went by herself so I said I would stay home. Then she said she would stay home too. I think she really wants me to go with her. It's all happening too fast for me. I feel like a coward.

Yeah.....the visa might be a problem.

Does she have any status in Australia? Then, she maybe could get the wisdom teeth pulled for free.

That’s crazy generous....the $90,000. She must really dig you.

I’m guessing she misses her family.

The weather is probably nice there. Not too hot. It’s summer there. In the winter, it’s frequently below minus 20 there.

I guess hanging out with the family might be a problem. Maybe learn a few basic Mandarin Chinese words? I would love to travel there.

Maybe but she keeps saying she hates me. We argue about everything.

If a woman were willing to give me $90,000, gratis, I'd follow her wherever.

Why would she give you so much for a house? If you owe her for something relatively small like a washing machine, do you think she will eventually say you owe her for the 90 grand?

Sorry, I misread. You don't know her answer to that. Hmm. That's tough, people who aren't direct are a big headache.

The 90 grand? She doesn't want to be paid back in money, she wants to be paid back in evential joint ownership of the house, which for now is solely in my name. A few times she tried to say if we seperate we get half but I was firm in saying if we seperate the house remains entirely mine. I'm not to fussed if she takes the washing machine but she'll have to arrange transport for it herself.

After I told her I felt bad about having her pay for my side of the holiday, she said she would allow me to pay her back at $200 per week. Fair enough but I still have anxiety about going. Now she's starting to have reservations as well. Maybe she doesn't want to be away from her shop for that long. We're not sure if her staff can manage the shop by themselves for two weeks.

Blimey, you have courage! Lol. Well, as she's giving you the money...I dunno, I still feel she's getting a pretty poor deal out of this house situation. I don't know why she's doing this.

I think you're being very unreasonable in the dealing of that house.

Good for you, though if I was her I would've never agreed to such a thing... if you do break up, she'll lose a lot unless you two have made official documents about it being a loan or she can hire a good lawyer.

Anyway, to the actual problem: when I had my wisdom teeth pulled out, four at a time and four normal teeth too (long story), I was able to speak the next day after the swelling had gone down. Not normally, but well enough to be understood, so you might not have to worry about communication too much. And even if she can't speak, you can still communicate by writing as long as she's not completely out of it because of pain killers or something. Also, you don't have to feel quilty about making her translate stuff; she must've known that it's a price she'll have to pay for dating a foregeiner who doesn't speak her native language. But of course, if your relationship is serious (seems to be?), then I'd recommend you to at least learn the basics of her native language.
As for cultural problems, studying about the culture beforehand ought to help a little. And travel anxiety... well, I can't help with that. Whenever I get it, I just force myself to deal with it since, despite the struggles, I actually enjoy traveling.

I would like to. I've tried but I just don't have that skill.

Maybe it is unreasonable, but I totally get it. My house is my safety, my refuge, my security for when I can retire.

Retro, I have traveled a lot, but the only trip that was a disaster, I took with my youngest brother. I thought he was going to squire me around, as he had been in Indonesia for years an spoke fluent bahasa Indonesia and had a girlfriend there. but he basically left me on my own. I learned some bahasa Indonesia to get around, but I was left to figure out social conventions, what is dangerous and what is not. Most of the time, I had no idea what was going on. I was miserable.

I would also worry about the shaky political stuff going on.

Why would the house be yours if she paid most of it?

She didn't pay for most of it. $90,000 isn't even a quarter of it.

Then perhaps I should go before things get worse.

I don't. It's her money, not his. The least that is reasonable would be to sell the house and split the money in half. How is he owed the entire house? If she's well off enough, then maybe fair enough. If not, I think he is being very unreasonable. What about what happens to her, where is she supposed to go?