Isolation/poverty

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I hate being so isolated and I don't know what to do....

About 4 months ago my wife and I moved out of my parents house in the city and we couldn't afford to live by ourselves in the city as it's just so expensive so we moved to the country and as a gay couple we wanted to make sure we moved somewhere safe yet affordable. We both work full time, she earns more than me but neither of us earn enough to treat ourselves or socialise that often. I don't drink alcohol so when I do see friends my wife is the one who drinks so I am a cheap date and I mostly stick to just water. I am just so scared of having no money, I check a few times a day what is coming out of our joint account because I am scared we will have no money for food, electric or hot water.

I like having our own place and our own space but moving away meant me being away from my family and I cannot afford to see them as much I would like, they are around 40 minutes away by train and it costs about £10 to £12.(around $15)

I don't have many friends either but the ones I do have, I can only see every few months due to not having much money.

I have tried finding people in my area to make friends with but to no avail. ( I have looked online to see if there are any social groups or meet ups and social networking sites etc but I have found nothing so far)

I also have health issues as well as autism so I am just feeling really down at the moment. The poverty is affecting my state of mind and my health, such when my wife is at work and I am home alone I sit in the dark all day as I fear we will get a high electric bill. I also want to buy medicines which may help ease my symptoms for a condition I have but I can't afford to buy them. I worry about not being able to buy birthday or Christmas presents for my loved ones and when the winter comes we won't be able to afford to have the heating on. Poverty and isolation is a massive issue and it's not getting the recognition it deserves at the moment, especially amongst those with autism as some of us are either unemployed or in low pay employment.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? And I would appreciate a conversation right now, would cheer me up. Thanks.

Maybe I am, I don't know. I mean I live on my own so I have handle the bills alone, which can be stressing since I'm a low paid part timer (I could work full time if I managed to get a position like that.) Fortunately though I'm good at budgeting.

All my closer friends live far and only two relatives that I'm actually somewhat close with live a reasonable bus drive away (I can't get a car due to disability), so it can be a little isolating... but I've never been all that social in the first place so I can manage.

I hear your fears and worrying about money can really take it out of you. I've been poor in the past, but am not now. It sounds to me like you might want to learn how to make a budget. That way you would know how much money you have, and how much you have to save for heat in the winter. It might reduce your fears.

I can relate to poverty. I was poor in the past. My family had money, but believed people should make it on their own. It is hard to not have things to look forward to. I think that's what got me so into reading. Do you have access to a library, if so, what about a local or online book club? You select a book, read certain chapters for the week and then meet back up (either in person, or online) to discuss. Now that money is not so much of a concern, I still read and I get my books from the library or second hand stores for a quarter (25 cents, US).
I have a very small circle, we only see each other very rarely. I am a loner, by nature. So, I cannot relate so much to the loneliness. I can only tell you things that I do, that are cheap, to keep myself occupied. I focus on my yard more now. I mow, plant seeds and tend it. It makes me tired. Also, try and get a little sunshine. It looks like you live in UK, I know sometimes the sun hides there. But, if you see the sun out and you are able, run outside and get about 20 minutes worth.
I'm glad you're here.

I wouldn't consider myself poor. But everyone generally starts from scratch with basically nothing when they leave home. But one of the traits that I picked up was how to stretch a dollar (or in your case a pound note). I became a great bargain shopper. I learned to stretch each and every dollar. I raised my family in the country. One thing about a rural life is there is always work that needs to be done. Thousands of skills that need to be learned. For example, you worry about heating your home in the winter. In my case, I have trees. Some die or are in the process of dying. So I take a chainsaw and cut them and that gives me firewood. I have a wood burning stove. And a week or two of cutting and splitting firewood translates to 6 months of heating during the colder months. I have heated my home with wood for the past 40 years. Now this option may not be available for you, but perhaps you have a small backyard where you can raise vegetables. Or other skills that can contribute to your family.

As you learn these life skills, generally you need a mentor to help you along, to teach you the ropes. So many times you will seek out individuals with these skills and develop friendships. In a way it is like weaving yourself into a community.

While I agree with the rest of your post, this is simply not true. Some people start out with a lot--Donald Trump being an extreme example.

I'm occasionally terrified by the thought of my sons being grown up away, and my wife finally getting fed up with my difficulties and leaving. If I were too old or unable to work, I don't know what I'd do.

I live on my own, I work part time and get £900 a month, it's plenty because I'm good at budgeting.

You're stressing yourself out because of the uncertainty. First get all your bill onto direct debits. I use SSE for gas,

electric, and phone/internet because the bills are easy to understand and they are reliable and easy to talk to. They

will take a standard amount for g+e each month so that you pay the same amount all year. Anglian water do the

same. Do you rent or pay mortgage? either way this and council tax will be the same month on month. Then

you know how much you have left to cover food plus occupationals such as Norton security, car insurance, and

Christmas pressies. Knowing what you have will make this all a lot less stressful.

You mention medication, do you mean supplements, herbals, something like that?

If it would help if I did a full breakdown of my budget, I would be happy to do this. I like talking about budgets. Like jimmy m put you get better with experience.

I like talking about budgets, too!

I'm fairly good at it and staying on budget, too, aside from trip budgets. I always overdo it with the souvenirs.

Hi Alex in wonderland,

I understand what you're going through, even though our finances don't seem to be as tight as yours. In the past, they were, though.

I'm the only bread-winner at home, and my husband's a stay-at-home dad, he handles all the things I can't, like cooking, taking care of our pets, taking the kids to school and getting them, etc. I work about 12 hours a week, so I don't make much. In the country where I live, in order not to be poor, a family of four should be making about 600 USD per month, and I'm only making 420. So, we're tight. But we budget wisely.

We don't have cable nor Netflix, we only charge 10USD of credit per month on our cellphones (only use them to call each other, which is for free because we have the same company) and never use our cellphones to go online, only when we can get free WiFi or at home (since we use our WiFi). We rarely go out, and never order food, we cook everything ourselves, my husband even bakes our own bread.

There was a time when we made our own marmalade and our own cream cheese and yoghurt.

I don't have any friends, really, only two who are online. But in real life, my husband's my only friend.

Anyway, hang in there! And if you need to talk, you can always talk to some of us here, like me, for instance.