Comfort or Interaction, choose one?

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Ideally interactions (environmental, social) would be comfortable, but in today's non-inclusive world it seems an AS person's choice is to have either Comfort or Interaction, not both. Obviously we each are seeking to find or accept the balance "allowed" to us within our circumstances and relative to our abilities. My observations:

(1) Either/or over time --- My AS-like mother is in her late 70s --- shutting herself in her room for 20 hours of each day. She reports that she is finally happy. When she was young she chose to interact (work, raise children) and forfeited personal comfort - she paid a big price (severe anxiety, depression, etc.). Now she is choosing comfortand is forfeiting interaction. I understand her recovering from decades of building burnout. I also am sad that the world is missing the positive contribution she could make and she is missing the positive interactions she could have in a supportive environment. I get it. I don't like it.

(2) Either/or for two people --- Like my mother I pushed myself to interact and succeeded (high-stakes work, married with children) at a great price (severe anxiety, depression, etc.). Meanwhile my AS-like BFF has a succeeded in having comfort(low-stakes work, no spouse, no children) with a smaller price (low-level depression). We agree that ideally I would have my interactive life with more comfort and that ideally she would have her comfort with more interaction. I would like to think that if the world were more inclusive and/or we had additional tools, we would achieve this.

(3) Both for two people at one point in time --- I have had two non-verbal friends and I enjoyed sitting with them and having a conversation (monitoring their body language for direction; alternate communication devices were not available). These were comfortableand interactive. I want more of that.

I am seriously considering how I might help create supportive ---comfortable and interactive--- environments for myself and others. My 50s are coming up and maybe that's when I can blossom that way...

I enjoy having the best of both worlds. I like to interact. When I get tired of that, I like to seek comfort by retreating back into my apartment.

Yeah I enjoy interaction as well. I like to connect with people and then I like my home comforts where I can refresh and reset myself.

So glad you've both found comfortable levels of interaction. Does this mean you know and accept your limitations, or that you can live a fairly neurotypical lifestyle?

I am frustrated by my limitations (I can only interact so long in so many ways), as was my mother. It's hard to be constantly adjusting, explaining and apologizing to my children, friends, co-workers. I'm not even sure how to accommodate this. At an extreme, a friend's ASD spouse solved it by divorcing, another ASD friend stopped working, but I would prefer to remain with my children and remain employed - hence my choice for high levels of interaction and low levels of comfort. At work, they put a lot of emphasis on handling stress, and I'm not so good at that --- but ironically I can solve a complex problem faster than most anyone else. I'm beginning to see where I am more able and more disabled. My mom and I are both a wreck with authority. Gosh darn variations of AS.

I'm glad your mother is comfortable.

I wish she would hang out with you more, though. And appreciate you. I feel like this would make her more "happy."

My father became sort of xenophobic in a sense at the end of his life; this might have supported "comfort"---but I doubt that it supported "happiness." He was an NT---very social, everybody liked him, etc.

Neither.

With enough boredom, both are very possible for me towards, well... So far, anyone.
Socially and usually informally speaking...



It's not much about the person, but the situation.

As far as I've observed, almost anything related to formalities and most of all, related to business is both very limiting in interaction to me and little to no comfort that came with it.

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I interact all day with people, and then go home for some quiet comfort with my wife.

My own experience tells me that with the right people there's no great discomfort from social interaction. Some people aren't very judgemental, they're friendly, supportive, and compassionate, and they're good communicators. Sadly a lot of people aren't like that, and too much exposure to them is indeed uncomfortable and would grind me down if I didn't limit their access to me. It's good to have plenty of control over the quality and quantity of social interaction. Sadly, with the wrong type of person, that's one of the things they might not be very forgiving about, but everybody's different. There are more than 2 types of people.

Verbally? Comfort every time.

In literature? Difficulty tbh. I like reading hard books.

In social media? I wish I could allow myself the comfort rather than constantly seeking people to talk to & finding said people really annoying.