My flatmate is autistic.

Post Reply New Topic

I had a conversation earlier where my flatmate mentioned that he has a mild form of autism. This was in response to asking him where he tended to go grocery shopping. He told me that he mainly shops at one particular place since he doesn't like new places or change, then went on to mention that he is mildly autistic.

At first he looked at little nervous to tell me this, which I find understandable. We've known each other for a month, and whilst we are friends he had no real way of knowing for sure what my reaction was going to be. He might've worried that I'd ask insensitive questions, or start to view / treat him poorly.

My reaction was simply "ah right," and "yeah". He seemed to relax a bit more after my response. Two friends have come out to me (so to speak) recently, albeit in different ways. The first came out as transgender, whereas my flatmate did so as autistic. I suspected neither.

Whenever someone comes out to me, I feel happy that they feel comfortable enough to confide in me. I know that it's not really the same, but I am aware first hand of the nervousness that sometimes accompanies telling people about a part of you that may be poorly received.

When I tell people about my learning issues, I may worry that they'll think less of me and start talking down (although, if this happens then I'm probably better off without them). Also, when I come out as gay / a lesbian, I am aware that this could potentially drastically alter or break a friendship. It has done so previously on more than a few occasions. I like it when people react casually and we get to a point where they ask questions or make jokes about it. One of my least favourite responses is how dare you not tell me sooner? In addition, getting the response; I would've come out differently than you did, you've should've come out to me in a shorter way / more personal / done X, Y and Z etc. is annoying.

To get back to the main topic, from what I've gathered of my flatmate his main issues are disliking change and getting stuck on hyper-fixations. He is less sensitive to sensory information than I am. In fact, he enjoys spicy food and loud intense music.

Have you told him you might be autistic, too?

^ was going to ask the same thing

No. That's not really something I talk about outside of forums. However, I did briefly mention the sensory sensitivity and sometimes missing sarcasm (I brought this up over a few different conversations including ones before he told me). But I didn't bring up autism. Most people that I interact with in day-to-day life don't know about the online therapy situation (this one: viewtopic.php?t=350856&hilit=) or the fact that I'm on an autism forum.

In fact, I think people would be highly surprised to find me on here. Whilst I've had a few individuals that I've come across online say that they have their suspicions, I've never experienced that outside of the internet. Autism isn't a topic that crops up much in my life personally (in the outside world). Besides, I don't think that I am autistic. The brief speculation of my online therapist back then did make me wonder a bit, that's why I ended up joining here in the first place. I think that the term broad autism phenotype (BAP) might fit me, and I don't bring that up offline either.

It might help within your interactions with this person if you mention your explorations in this area.

Turns out that he might be moving to a different country next semester. Well, it was nice knowing them.

I don't know if my third flatmate knows about the fact that the first flatmate is autistic. The third flatmate keeps telling me stories about hanging out with his friends and jokingly calling each other autistic, apparently he finds this hilarious. I haven't mentioned it to the third roommate since I don't think that it would be my place to do so. The first flatmate might not be comfortable with the third knowing this information.

Whilst I have known this third flatmate for quite a long time now, I am not going to live with them next academic year. I talked about why somewhat in this thread: viewtopic.php?t=379695

His sense of humour doesn't bode well with me. Nor does the fact that he judges me a little for not drinking much alcohol. Or that I no longer fit into his social circle. Plus, I don't feel comfortable sharing my ambitions and goals with him because he never wants to let it go if I don't achieve them as soon as I'd originally planned. Sure, holding me accountable is well intentioned, but things don't always exactly go to plan and it discourages me being reminded of my previous failures at reaching my goals so often. Plus, he's getting closer to certain relatives of his who hate the fact that I exist (or they would if they knew about me). I also feel as though we are at different maturity levels despite being a similar age. Of course, I'm not claiming that I am fully mature. Far from it. Still, that's the best way I can think to describe the situation.

Anyway, I hope that things go well for the first flatmate. I already have some new roommates who I might be living with next year, but I'm not fully sure yet.