Advice makes me anxious instead of hopeful

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I’ve come to realize that my mind has an automatic reaction to advice even if it’s intended to be in good will. Instead of seeing hope that there are ways out of my situation, I become further anxious. I hate that my mind always does this but I can’t make it stop. Others tell me that I can have a better life but I will have to take risks. Instead of making me psychologically prepared, it makes me further retreat into my “shell”. The times I have taken risks have ended in failure so I don’t have a history of overcoming challenges but getting crushed by them.

That's a good observation about yourself. Could be a thing to focus on. A thing in your head that makes you risk averse, or more fearful than the average person.

The question is: which came first? Are you more risk averse because you are more inept than the average person? Or are more inept because you are risk averse, and don't get out and take rists and learn how to do things?

Could be some of both. I suppose.

But it doesn't matter really. You just have to keep putting yourself out there (trying to make friends, or whatever), and just get up again if you get knocked down, and keep going.

With meeting people, slightly under-trying seems to be the coin of the realm.

And most groups, such as a political discussion group or even a boardgaming group, just don’t work that well. Meaning, I think the point is to respectfully visit a number of groups. And hold off a little on joining, but not too much.

Noticing the problem is the first step to fixing it, so you're already on your way to fixing this issue. Do you still go to therapy? Bringing up this realization to your therapist might lead to something.

What sort of risks have you taken and what have they cost you? You could try to focus on things with smaller risks at first.

Yes, I am still in therapy.

I tried dating sites for a whole summer and they caused me to suffer excessively. I made myself go to a Bible study for almost a whole summer and it was unproductive in terms of enlightenment as well as socialization. I spent a whole year with a personal trainer and she was a bible thumper who tried to make me go backwards as a human being. I paid for two speed dating events which cost me a lot of money and time. I used to attend a Meet Up group starting in 2016 but stopping in early 2019. It did give me some different experiences but they started to become sour.

Instead of advice you need someone side-by-side, who can help you incorporate parts of the advice.
That's why you might be ANXIOUS - because your brain knows it cannot make that translate into REAL ACTION without REAL HELP.


I'm the same way.

A lady came and helped me organize papers today (second time - she came a week or two ago also)

-she didn't have to, but knows my diagnosis and her son is the same way, so she knew I needed it.

She didn't put it that way--which could have been offensive-- I only found out as the conversation unfolded.

I felt very embarrassed initially, but she was just being sensible and saw what was necessary.
That might be important for you too.


She even helped me figure out Daily tasks--

helped me to set alarms on my phone for these things daily, to help with the routine. Alarms are labelled for each task (e.g. give son morning medication)

She said she had done the same thing with her son recently, put alarms and reminders on his phone. All that he needs to do is:

1. not lose the phone.
2. keep it charged.
3. review the schedule or day's activities night before.
He can then add on, as he gets used to this (and same goes for me).


That might be helpful for you-- but with someone HELPING you physically do this, beside you.


The anxiety and difficulty with transitions and executive functioning all can keep you from doing it. Esp if you haven't done it constantly.

That's Autism manifesting, so...helper needed.

Is a family member around, or a grownup u trust, who can read your post --
and you can ask them for such help?? If they come by and help you once a week... that would help so much.


Some ASD adults have people in place just for this , hired by their families-
to help carry out things PRACTICALLY , not just in words giving advice..

well, it can be something a caring person can help you with.

You just need a nice, calm, structured, no-nonsense but kind person to help you in action (not in words) with activities you want to try maybe, or daily stuff, i don't know.

( Maybe. Just guessing )